soothingly, quietly. Her voice could guide me through an apocalypse. A few steps later and we’re behind a door, the quiet wrapping around us like a warm blanket. She moves me to a bed and I fall onto it, my head landing in my hands. Everything floods out of me in a rush as a riptide of guilt crashes down on me. I’m sucked into the undercurrent, gasping for air and trying to find a way to the truth that doesn’t involve my death.
Her arms are around me, and her words are held back as she lets me go. She lets me cry. She lets me just…be.
When I think I’ve cried every bit of guilt and fear out of my body, she lets go of me and heads into the bathroom. She comes back with a hand towel and wipes my face. “What is it, Faye? You can tell me.”
I can’t. I’m not supposed to.
“Faye,” she says again, calmly. “Faye, I’m here. Always. Tell me.”
My throat clenches. I gasp for air. The lie in my throat presses the knife against my skin. It knows I’m going to. It’s ready for me to slit my own future.
I take a deep breath and say, “I’m not who you think I am. I’m not…I’m not a dormant. I’m not a Hunter. I’m not a Defect.”
She shakes her head a little and flinches back in confusion. “Back up a step. What do you mean?”
I grab her hands and find my way to her eyes. “I’m both, Kat. I’m both and I’m dangerous. Bad people might want me, my parents are lost, and I have to hide as a dormant. I don’t know anything more. I don’t know anything at all.” I look away from her, too ashamed...too scared.
“I don’t know what you mean. Both? What do you mean?” She sounds patient, li ke she’s trying to meet me halfway, but every time she approaches the halfway mark, the road grows a little further.
I pull the fabric over my arm back and show my mark; the awkward heart shape. “I mean I posses s both sides and wear the mark of old power, from the time before affinity bonds, and you’re not supposed to know. No one can, not yet at least.” I bite my lip.
She stands up, runs her hands down the front of her pant legs, sighs a little, looks back at me and then away from me. I feel like she’s slipping, like the earth is rotating around me, but not with me.
“You were the one that caused the screaming,” she states, sounding like she’s finally found the rock I’m hiding under.
I nod, unable to look at her. I’m afraid she won’t look at me the same. I’m afraid I will see the freak I am in her eyes.
“Wow.” She falls down next to me. “Are you okay?”
I’m frozen in shock. I look over at her. “Not really.”
She laughs. “That was a dumb question. Of course you aren’t, but everything will be. I promise. I’m here for you. You aren’t facing this alone.”
I think I could cry again. I think I want to, but I don’t. I have dried every tear up and, in her friendship, have found the much-needed strength to get me through this day. I should have never doubted her.
“So what now? What’s going to happen?”
“I have to be trained by a few Watchmen while pretending to be a dormant. I don’t know anything after that.”
“Did you meet the Watchmen?”
Fire burns behind my cheeks.
“Oh my, you did, didn’t you? A guy, was it?” She’s nudging me, smiling and poking again. She’s trying to lighten the mood and I want her to.
“His name is Jaxen,” I admit, trying not to smile, trying not to lose my cool.
“Jaxen. Jaxen, as in your future boyfriend, Jaxen?” She wiggles her brows, beaming like a proud best friend.
I laugh a little. “Kat, really? He has a Witch,” I point out.
“And?”
“And that’s that.”
She purses her lips. “Not really. Not if he and his Witch don’t get along. You know it’s more often than not that this happens.” I know she’s thinking of her parents when she says this. I can see the slight falter in her smile. I rub her back.
“Well, I don’t want to be the cause of that happening,” I say. Being a
Her arms are around me, and her words are held back as she lets me go. She lets me cry. She lets me just…be.
When I think I’ve cried every bit of guilt and fear out of my body, she lets go of me and heads into the bathroom. She comes back with a hand towel and wipes my face. “What is it, Faye? You can tell me.”
I can’t. I’m not supposed to.
“Faye,” she says again, calmly. “Faye, I’m here. Always. Tell me.”
My throat clenches. I gasp for air. The lie in my throat presses the knife against my skin. It knows I’m going to. It’s ready for me to slit my own future.
I take a deep breath and say, “I’m not who you think I am. I’m not…I’m not a dormant. I’m not a Hunter. I’m not a Defect.”
She shakes her head a little and flinches back in confusion. “Back up a step. What do you mean?”
I grab her hands and find my way to her eyes. “I’m both, Kat. I’m both and I’m dangerous. Bad people might want me, my parents are lost, and I have to hide as a dormant. I don’t know anything more. I don’t know anything at all.” I look away from her, too ashamed...too scared.
“I don’t know what you mean. Both? What do you mean?” She sounds patient, li ke she’s trying to meet me halfway, but every time she approaches the halfway mark, the road grows a little further.
I pull the fabric over my arm back and show my mark; the awkward heart shape. “I mean I posses s both sides and wear the mark of old power, from the time before affinity bonds, and you’re not supposed to know. No one can, not yet at least.” I bite my lip.
She stands up, runs her hands down the front of her pant legs, sighs a little, looks back at me and then away from me. I feel like she’s slipping, like the earth is rotating around me, but not with me.
“You were the one that caused the screaming,” she states, sounding like she’s finally found the rock I’m hiding under.
I nod, unable to look at her. I’m afraid she won’t look at me the same. I’m afraid I will see the freak I am in her eyes.
“Wow.” She falls down next to me. “Are you okay?”
I’m frozen in shock. I look over at her. “Not really.”
She laughs. “That was a dumb question. Of course you aren’t, but everything will be. I promise. I’m here for you. You aren’t facing this alone.”
I think I could cry again. I think I want to, but I don’t. I have dried every tear up and, in her friendship, have found the much-needed strength to get me through this day. I should have never doubted her.
“So what now? What’s going to happen?”
“I have to be trained by a few Watchmen while pretending to be a dormant. I don’t know anything after that.”
“Did you meet the Watchmen?”
Fire burns behind my cheeks.
“Oh my, you did, didn’t you? A guy, was it?” She’s nudging me, smiling and poking again. She’s trying to lighten the mood and I want her to.
“His name is Jaxen,” I admit, trying not to smile, trying not to lose my cool.
“Jaxen. Jaxen, as in your future boyfriend, Jaxen?” She wiggles her brows, beaming like a proud best friend.
I laugh a little. “Kat, really? He has a Witch,” I point out.
“And?”
“And that’s that.”
She purses her lips. “Not really. Not if he and his Witch don’t get along. You know it’s more often than not that this happens.” I know she’s thinking of her parents when she says this. I can see the slight falter in her smile. I rub her back.
“Well, I don’t want to be the cause of that happening,” I say. Being a
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