Entropy by Robert Raker Page A

a couple of feet from the water. Mull lifted himself up onto his knees and stretched out his arms. From where I stood, at least for a moment, it looked like he was cradling the dead girl in the palms of his hands. Mull rose to his feet.
    â€œYou know what to look for when you get in there,” Mull said. “Have someone help you bring the body out of the water. It looks like her, doesn’t it?”
    â€œDaniel, it’s not Isabella.”
    â€œIt could be. It could be anyone’s daughter.” Mull said.
    â€œWhere is she?”
    â€œWith her nurse,” he said.
    â€œThere are over forty people here helping. As you said, we know what to look for. Go home.”
    â€œWe were having dinner when I was called. I haven’t spent more than a few hours alone with my wife since this all started. I feel the guilt every time she looks at me when I’m called, so much so that I feel that I can’t breathe. She wanted to go to that inn, the one that’s always lit up at night past the interstate. We reserved a small table in the corner so we could be alone together. We were going to spend the night there. Our food was late, but I didn’t care.”
    Mull then continued, in a retrospective, personal manner that I had never seen before. “The McIlheny’s had given me flowers to put on the table. I drove all the way up there this morning just to make sure everything was right. I watched as the flowers collapsed in this extraordinary vase that was handcrafted and painted by that artist, the one whose daughter you pulled from that pool. As it was filled, the water swirled around the stems. As the water level rose higher towards the mouth of the vase, I couldn’t stop thinking that those flowers were children, drowning, swallowing, their necks breaking at the smallest of places …” Mull’s voice trailed off.
    Mull was still lost in his own tortured thoughts for a few moments before he continued.
    â€œWe were going to just lie there naked in each other’s arms, pretend that we were surrounded by, I don’t know what to call it, innocence. I wanted so much to forget about her and what had become of her … to forget what had become of me. What does that say about me, that I wanted to lose sight of her, to forget my disabled daughter?”
    â€œIt doesn’t say anything.”
    â€œI wanted to so much. It had been so long since we just talked, but I was afraid that in listening to my wife, she’d say that I’ve never given her what she wanted,” he admitted. “To feel protected, cherished, listened to. I have so much respect for my wife that I couldn’t make love to her like that, thinking about dead children. After what happened to Isabella, there was so much we just couldn’t do because of the amount of care she needed. My wife had planned so much for her and none of that will ever happen. It’s her child,” he said.
    â€œShe’s your child as well, Daniel,” the coroner said trying to comfort Mull. “You can’t let yourself lose sight of that because of what’s happened.”
    â€œIsabella doesn’t even recognize me anymore. I’ve seen it in her eyes, the way she studies me. She communicates so intensely with her eyes,” he said. “It’s the most remarkable thing I’ve ever seen.”
    â€œShe’s a beautiful, vibrant girl,” I said.
    â€œI know. I’m so proud of her. So much help is needed here, but I don’t know what to do.” Mull raised his head and I saw streaks of mud mixed with tears scrolling down the sides of his face and onto his neck. It was getting dark. “I’ve let that monster stay untethered and look what it has led to,” Mull said.
    â€œYou’re not responsible for what has happened here,” I said.
    â€œWe’re all responsible,” Mull replied.
    ***
    I placed the regulator in my mouth and inhaled. There