boyfriends, and the conflicting feelings I felt about Tanner. At Grandma’s I would be safe again and everything would be normal.
I wanted to march out into the family room and demand an explanation, but I couldn’t bear another attack from Mom. My life was so out of control right now. I felt the pull of the bathroom. Icy fingers grabbed my hand and guided me there.
Sitting on the toilet seat, I held the razor to my arm. It was the only way. Right before I was about to pull and feel the releasing pain, I stopped. My teeth chattered. A tear slid down my cheek. I didn’t want to do this anymore. But it was stronger than me. Why couldn’t I stop myself?
“Jesus,” I whispered into the bathroom. “I need you. Jesus, help me.”
The icy wind evaporated and warmth replaced it. A man materialized in front of me. I almost screamed, but then I recognized him. Light illuminated him. He was all white and beautiful and glowing.
“You,” I breathed. It was the man who carried me that night on the bridge.
Without speaking, he reached out and plucked the razor from my hand. Before vanishing, he looked at me with intense, loving eyes and smiled.
I sat on the linoleum floor, and rested my head against the wall. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace.
I felt cared for.
I felt safe.
Chapter Sixteen
In the morning, Mom acted as if nothing had happened the day before. Maybe she had been drinking. I’d never known her to do that during the day but it was the only explanation I could come up with. We sat across from each other, silently eating our bowls of cereal. Mom wore her fluffy pink robe, and hot rollers covered her head. I had just gotten out of the shower and my wet hair soaked the shoulders of my black top.
After swallowing my bite of frosted flakes, I looked up at Mom. “I talked to Grandma last night.”
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow.
“She mentioned there was a possibility we weren’t visiting her over Christmas break.” I held my breath, awaiting her response.
“It’s not just a possibility. It’s a fact. We’re not going.” She shoved a spoonful of sugary cereal into her mouth.
Anger flared. “What do you mean we’re not going. Why?” I slammed my palm down on the table. Mom flinched. I was almost glad to see her scared of me for a change. “It’s because of Drake, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s because of you.”
“Because of me?” I was dumbfounded.
Mom calmly got up from the table and carried her bowl to the sink. “I just don’t think it’s a great idea for you to be back in that environment.”
Letting out a bitter laugh, I placed a hand on my hip. “What kind of environment? A sane one?”
Leaning against the counter, Mom frowned at me. “I think it was a mistake to send you there in the first place. Before you went there you were a normal teenage girl. Sure, a little wild, but still normal. But going there put all these weird ideas in your head about spirits and demons and stuff.”
“They’re not ideas, Mom. It’s real. Why can’t you believe that?”
“See, this is what I’m talking about. I’m really scared for you, Kenzie.” She sighed heavily. “When you first made up that crazy story about Wesley, I thought it was like when you were a kid and had that imaginary friend. Only, this isn’t the same. You’re almost eighteen and you’re not letting this go.”
My chin trembled, my eyes filled with moisture. I blinked and bit down on my lip.
“I know it’s my fault, okay? I haven’t been the best mother in the world. I know that. But I’m trying to make up for that, and I think the best thing is for you to stay away from Grandma and Isaac. They fill your head with too much nonsense.”
“It’s not nonsense, Mom. This is!” Even though I tried to stop it, a sob tore out of my throat.
“Oh, Kenzie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Yes you did! That’s all you do.”
Mom took a step toward me, her feet encased in
I wanted to march out into the family room and demand an explanation, but I couldn’t bear another attack from Mom. My life was so out of control right now. I felt the pull of the bathroom. Icy fingers grabbed my hand and guided me there.
Sitting on the toilet seat, I held the razor to my arm. It was the only way. Right before I was about to pull and feel the releasing pain, I stopped. My teeth chattered. A tear slid down my cheek. I didn’t want to do this anymore. But it was stronger than me. Why couldn’t I stop myself?
“Jesus,” I whispered into the bathroom. “I need you. Jesus, help me.”
The icy wind evaporated and warmth replaced it. A man materialized in front of me. I almost screamed, but then I recognized him. Light illuminated him. He was all white and beautiful and glowing.
“You,” I breathed. It was the man who carried me that night on the bridge.
Without speaking, he reached out and plucked the razor from my hand. Before vanishing, he looked at me with intense, loving eyes and smiled.
I sat on the linoleum floor, and rested my head against the wall. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace.
I felt cared for.
I felt safe.
Chapter Sixteen
In the morning, Mom acted as if nothing had happened the day before. Maybe she had been drinking. I’d never known her to do that during the day but it was the only explanation I could come up with. We sat across from each other, silently eating our bowls of cereal. Mom wore her fluffy pink robe, and hot rollers covered her head. I had just gotten out of the shower and my wet hair soaked the shoulders of my black top.
After swallowing my bite of frosted flakes, I looked up at Mom. “I talked to Grandma last night.”
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow.
“She mentioned there was a possibility we weren’t visiting her over Christmas break.” I held my breath, awaiting her response.
“It’s not just a possibility. It’s a fact. We’re not going.” She shoved a spoonful of sugary cereal into her mouth.
Anger flared. “What do you mean we’re not going. Why?” I slammed my palm down on the table. Mom flinched. I was almost glad to see her scared of me for a change. “It’s because of Drake, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s because of you.”
“Because of me?” I was dumbfounded.
Mom calmly got up from the table and carried her bowl to the sink. “I just don’t think it’s a great idea for you to be back in that environment.”
Letting out a bitter laugh, I placed a hand on my hip. “What kind of environment? A sane one?”
Leaning against the counter, Mom frowned at me. “I think it was a mistake to send you there in the first place. Before you went there you were a normal teenage girl. Sure, a little wild, but still normal. But going there put all these weird ideas in your head about spirits and demons and stuff.”
“They’re not ideas, Mom. It’s real. Why can’t you believe that?”
“See, this is what I’m talking about. I’m really scared for you, Kenzie.” She sighed heavily. “When you first made up that crazy story about Wesley, I thought it was like when you were a kid and had that imaginary friend. Only, this isn’t the same. You’re almost eighteen and you’re not letting this go.”
My chin trembled, my eyes filled with moisture. I blinked and bit down on my lip.
“I know it’s my fault, okay? I haven’t been the best mother in the world. I know that. But I’m trying to make up for that, and I think the best thing is for you to stay away from Grandma and Isaac. They fill your head with too much nonsense.”
“It’s not nonsense, Mom. This is!” Even though I tried to stop it, a sob tore out of my throat.
“Oh, Kenzie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Yes you did! That’s all you do.”
Mom took a step toward me, her feet encased in
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