Emerald City by David Williamson

enters.
    HELEN : I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this view. Come and have a look. The eighteen-footers have got their spinnakers out.
    MIKE : Colin turned down eighty grand today.
    HELEN : Colin?
    MIKE : I’ve been hearing stories that he’s really down on his luck. Nothing’s been happening for him. I get on the phone to LA and convince them he’s a top writer, which is bloody hard given his current track record. I call him in, offer him the job and he calls me a harlot.
    HELEN : Why?
    MIKE : Because the story’s being relocated to Tennessee.
    HELEN : A story’s a story wherever it’s set.
    MIKE : Exactly.
    HELEN : I can understand why he might be a bit…
    MIKE : What?
    HELEN : Reluctant to work for you.
    MIKE : I can’t.
    HELEN : Now your roles are reversed. It would be a bit hard.
    MIKE : So he throws away eighty grand just to spite me? It’s insane.
    HELEN : Any luck with ‘Lesbian Nuns’?
    MIKE : Got it through last week.
    HELEN : You didn’t tell me. Did you have to change the script much?
    MIKE : A bit. Only one of the nuns is allowed to be lesbian, and it’s got to be a tendency. Not consummated.
    HELEN : Mike, that’s crazy. Isn’t the whole point of the story that there are a lot of lesbian nuns and they’re suffering a hell of a lot of guilt?
    MIKE : Honey, you sit at my desk day after day and try and get any film through the American system and you’ll realise that what I’ve done is a bloody miracle.
    HELEN : Can’t they show the truth of anything just for once?
    MIKE : Jesus, honey. We get enough truth in our lives. We don’t want it up there again on our screens.
    HELEN : I know the commercial logic, but occasionally I’d like to see the truth!
    MIKE : The only truth that matters in this situation is that they have the money and if they ask me to change nuns into astronauts and lesbians into doughnuts, I will make them a movie about astronauts eating doughnuts. They ask. I give. It’s called commerce; it’s grubby, and it’s how I paid for this view. If you don’t like it, well go back to Dri-Tot Manor.
    HELEN : I just can’t believe people wouldn’t be interested in a movie about the real situation.
    MIKE : They probably would, but the men who have the money don’t believe they would. And that, I’m afraid, is an end to it.
    MIKE and HELEN exit. COLIN enters and sits reading. The doorbell rings. COLIN frowns and goes to get it. It’s KATE with a suitcase. COLIN embraces her with passion.
    KATE : Kids in bed?
    COLIN : [ nodding ] Even Penny. Sorry you didn’t win.
    KATE : I knew we wouldn’t. Still. [ She shrugs .] That was a warm welcome. I’m surprised.
    COLIN : So am I. I was planning to be cold and distant.
    KATE : Bad time while I was gone?
    COLIN : Awful. Shopping without lists is a major trauma, and our daughter’s been a monster.
    KATE : You said on the phone she had a new boyfriend.
    COLIN : Yes.
    KATE : He goes to an ordinary high school?
    COLIN : Yes.
    KATE : That should make you pleased.
    COLIN : He was kicked out of his private school for selling dope in the toilets.
    KATE : She told you this?
    COLIN : No, I listen to the phone calls on the extension. How was the Dorchester?
    KATE : Overrated.
    COLIN : And the garden gnome?
    KATE : [ embarrassed ] Oh, I, er, didn’t see much of him. He found himself a native.
    COLIN : Black lady?
    KATE : English rose. How’s work?
    COLIN : On to the second draft of the screenplay. No money in sight.
    KATE : Tell me something cheerful.
    COLIN : I’m very glad to see you home.
    KATE : [ to the audience ] And I was very glad to be home. Ian didn’t find an English rose. He found me, but what Colin doesn’t know won’t hurt him. I’d been promoted, I’d been unfaithful, and the marriage was back on an even keel.
    COLIN : I did some thinking about the future while you were away. Did