Embassy War by Walter Knight

wrong. I am married, and my husband gets very jealous. Are you sure you’re a Republican?” “Yes. I’m an officer and a gentleman, too. We won’t tell your husband.” A Legionnaire guard guided us down a hallway and opened a side door. Secret Service agents looked the other way. POTUS had used that very closet.
    “I am certainly not going in there with you!” exclaimed Suzie. “That is a disgusting mop closet!” “There’s room enough,” I replied lewdly. “If we stand up.” “No!” I pulled the exotically handsome Suzie inside and closed the door behind us. Suzie and I made noisy, clanking, passionate love between the mops and a metal bucket. Suzie held up quite well for an older woman. She obviously benefited from illegal embedded enhancement chips. Being of Old Earth’s elite, that was to be expected. Suzie was quite the handsome eloquent lady, a real wildcat.
    When we returned to the banquet, Suzie sat at the head of the table, next to the President. Shit! Really? The First Lady? Maybe the President won’t find out, I hoped desperately, always the eternal optimist.
    Yeah, right. White House security is tight. There are video cameras everywhere, even in mop closets. Not only did the President view the video of our mop-closet passion, but hackers immediately posted the video on the database.
    The next day, I was transferred to volcano watch with Lopez. Fortunately I was not shot or thrown out an airlock for being an undesirable on Old Earth. Fine. My bridges to Old Earth are burned, and I’m in the Legion for the duration. It has always been so.
     
     
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    PART II – Quenaudenville
     
     
     
    Chapter 12
     
     
     
    I am Colonel Joey R. Czerinski of the United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion. As a reward for a job well done, the President personally assigned me as garrison commander on the remote ocean island of Quenaudenville, Planet of New Colorado. I think ‘Quenaudenville’ is Polynesian for ‘Asshole to Nowhere.’
    Major Lopez, recently demoted, waited for me at the dock. His advance team had been preparing for the battalion’s arrival. Our mission was to secure Quenaudenville, and to investigate recent spider activity on the far side of the island. Quenaudenville was located on the Equator, and the border with the Arthropodan Empire divided the island, extending up the volcanic cone.
    “Welcome to Paradise,” greeted Major Lopez. “What are you doing here? Screw up again?”
    “Hell, yes, he screwed up,” interrupted Master Sergeant Green. “Every time Czerinski screws up, we have to pay for it.”
    “It’s just another assignment,” I answered testily. “I go where the Legion sends me. I hear you share Paradise with spiders. What are they up to?”
    “The spiders are building some sort of platform on their side of the volcano. We don’t know why.” “Nonsense. Satellites can zoom in and watch a gnat sitting on a fly’s ass. What are we seeing?” “Camouflage nets obscure our view from space. It’s a mystery what the spiders are up to this time.” “That’s why we’re here?” I asked. “To keep watch on the spiders?” “I suppose.” “This island isn’t big enough for us all.” I looked around. “Does Quenaudenville have any value? Is there industry here?” “Billy ‘The Ghoul’ Giovanni runs a garbage disposal business. Garbage is compacted on the mainland, barged here, hauled up the volcano on a conveyor belt, and dumped into the volcano.”
    “The Mafia dumps garbage into a live volcano?” I asked, glancing at the clouds obscuring the peak. “Is that really a good solution for waste disposal?”
    Lopez shrugged. “Our taxpayers’ money at work.”
    “Maybe there is money to be made in this dump after all,” commented Corporal Guido Tonelli, passing by, loaded with gear. His monitor dragon Spot padded along behind. “Did you know there is no database access? How can I run my