Elusive Hope by MaryLu Tyndall

on their way to the temple. “How are you faring today, Doc?”
    “Well enough.” James flicked a glance at him, hoping his friend would take the hint that he didn’t feel like talking. In fact, he’d hardly spoken to anyone since his strange episode at the beginning of his sermon yesterday. Until he figured out what happened, he planned on keeping it to himself. He’d even skipped lunch and supper in order to avoid conversation with the colonists. Which didn’t make him a very good spiritual mentor, but if he was going crazy, he wouldn’t be much use in that area anyway.
    Batting aside a huge fern, he trudged forward as the group followed Thiago to some strange temple the man kept going on about.
    “What happened yesterday?” the colonel asked.
    James ran a sleeve over his forehead. “Isn’t it obvious? I made a fool of myself.” Worse than a fool. He’d shouted and trembled like a leaf in the wind before he made his apologies and dashed from the dais.
    “Not in my eyes, you didn’t. Obviously, something upset you enough that you couldn’t continue your sermon.” Blake shrugged, rubbed the old war wound on his leg, and continued limping beside James. “You are human, not some supernatural creature, unscathed by life.”
    James ground his teeth. Wasn’t it shameful enough his fear of blood prevented him from using his doctoring skills? Would God now send another unfounded fear to keep him from his spiritual duties as well? “As the town preacher, I should at least appear to have my emotions under control.” But once again he’d let everyone down, including Miss Angeline, who had finally made an appearance at Sunday services. Most likely her last.
    He gripped the musket so tightly his fingers ached as countless colorful birds flitted overhead, mocking his sullen mood. Stepping over a craggy root, he hoped Blake would continue on in silence as they made their way to this mysterious temple. Though Eliza, Miss Angeline, and some of the women had wanted to come along, the colonel forbade them. James agreed. No sense in putting the ladies in unnecessary danger. Hopefully, there would be no danger at all. Perhaps they would even find something useful for the colony.
    Mr. Graves certainly seemed intrigued, for ever since he’d found the place, the man had spent all his waking hours in the ancient structure, or so Thiago had said. Yet for all Thiago’s chattering about the place, once Blake decided to go, the Brazilian guide had warned them to stay away. And when Blake refused to listen, Thiago pleaded to remain at camp.
    “You saw something. When you were starting your sermon.” Blake’s statement drew James out of his musing and back to a topic he didn’t wish to discuss. He glanced over his shoulder at Dodd and a few other men following behind, and then forward to Thiago leading the way. “How did you know?”
    Blake heaved a sigh. “What was it?”
    “A boy I operated on at the battlefield. A young corporal.” James swallowed. He squashed a bug on his arm and wished he could squash the memory as easily. “He died under my knife.” His hand trembled, and he switched the musket to his other one.
    “I saw my brother.” Blake said the words so matter-of-factly, James thought he hadn’t heard correctly. Blake’s younger brother had died a vicious death at the battle of Antietam—a battle James had witnessed.
    “When?”
    “When we first arrived. I went into the jungle to sort things out about Eliza.” He brushed aside a fern. “And there he stood, plain as these trees around us, in his private’s uniform, staring at me.”
    James’s mind spun, trying to make sense of the story.
    “Then he took off,” Blake said. “Darted into the jungle.”
    “What did you do?”
    “I ran after him. Found him lying on the ground in a clearing, blood gurgling from his chest.” The colonel’s voice cracked.
    James halted and stared at his friend. The others wove around them, casting curious glances