could be mad at me for! If they didn't tell me who they were, how was I supposed to make amends?
Oh, life could be so unfair!
THE NEXT DAY, I got to school early. If the mystery person wasn't going to reveal who they were, I was going to find out myself. To do so, I enlisted the aid of Colin, whose locker was across the hall from mine. In exchange for one of my better comic books ( The Adventures of Librarian Man #57 ) he told me his locker combination and said I could hide in there. He originally wanted to shove me in there himself, but then decided he didn't want to get up that early.
I got inside his locker, which smelled like gym socks that hadn't been washed since the invention of sweat. I kept it open just a tiny bit so I wouldn't get locked inside, and peeked through the slits.
I watched and waited.
I waited and watched.
Several people walked by, but none of them stopped at my locker. The only really bad thing that happened was the janitor walked by and noticed that Colin's locker was ajar, so he pushed it shut.
Well, I'd worry about that later. For now, I had to find out the identity of the mystery blackmailer.
Then, ten minutes before the first bell rang, somebody walked by and slipped an envelope into my locker. I couldn't believe my eyes. Either of them.
It was Mr. Clark!
Yes, the assistant principal of Greenwater Junior High was threatening my teddy bear! How could this be? What had I ever done to him?
And how was I going to get out of this locker?
COLIN WAS NICE enough to let me out of his locker by third period. I could have pounded on it and made a ruckus until somebody got the janitor to free me, but I figured the fewer people who knew about my hiding spot, the better.
After I'd been released and spent a few minutes breathing fresh air, I went to the main office and told the secretary I needed to talk to Mr. Clark. She told me to go right in.
"Oh, hello, Elrod," he said, leaning forward in his chair. "How are you doing today?"
"You've got my teddy bear head," I told him.
"Could you close the door, please?"
I closed the door. Mr. Clark cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable, then gestured for me to have a seat. "Elrod, do you know what the word 'discretion' means?"
"Probably something about you not wanting me to tell anyone you've got my teddy bear head."
"Yes, something like that." Mr. Clark cleared his throat again. "Okay, Elrod, I'm going to be honest. I think you're a great kid. You're very creative and I think a lot of the things you do are hysterical. Anyway, when I came home from work on Monday my wife told me that Rupert had been a very bad doggie. He coughed up the head of a teddy bear he'd eaten."
"Where did he cough it up?" I asked with disgust.
"Right on our living room floor. We'd just had it shampooed. My wife was not happy."
"Was the dog okay?"
"Oh, sure, Rupert's eaten a lot worse things than a teddy bear head. One time he ate an entire hamster cage, even though there wasn't a hamster in it. I think he just wanted to get at the wheel. But that's not important. The next day I came in and saw the signs you'd put up, and when I spoke with Mrs. Goggins she said you claimed your teddy bear had been kidnapped, which I knew was not the case."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
"Basically, I was curious to see how you would handle the situation if you started receiving real kidnapper notes. I know it was unprofessional, but I couldn't help myself. I just didn't expect you to find out it was me. How did you find out, anyway?"
"I hid in a locker. By the way, could you write me an excuse for missing first and second period?"
"I think that can be arranged. And I think if we both use the discretion I mentioned earlier, we can work things out."
THE NEXT DAY in health class Mrs. Goggins talked about how
Oh, life could be so unfair!
THE NEXT DAY, I got to school early. If the mystery person wasn't going to reveal who they were, I was going to find out myself. To do so, I enlisted the aid of Colin, whose locker was across the hall from mine. In exchange for one of my better comic books ( The Adventures of Librarian Man #57 ) he told me his locker combination and said I could hide in there. He originally wanted to shove me in there himself, but then decided he didn't want to get up that early.
I got inside his locker, which smelled like gym socks that hadn't been washed since the invention of sweat. I kept it open just a tiny bit so I wouldn't get locked inside, and peeked through the slits.
I watched and waited.
I waited and watched.
Several people walked by, but none of them stopped at my locker. The only really bad thing that happened was the janitor walked by and noticed that Colin's locker was ajar, so he pushed it shut.
Well, I'd worry about that later. For now, I had to find out the identity of the mystery blackmailer.
Then, ten minutes before the first bell rang, somebody walked by and slipped an envelope into my locker. I couldn't believe my eyes. Either of them.
It was Mr. Clark!
Yes, the assistant principal of Greenwater Junior High was threatening my teddy bear! How could this be? What had I ever done to him?
And how was I going to get out of this locker?
COLIN WAS NICE enough to let me out of his locker by third period. I could have pounded on it and made a ruckus until somebody got the janitor to free me, but I figured the fewer people who knew about my hiding spot, the better.
After I'd been released and spent a few minutes breathing fresh air, I went to the main office and told the secretary I needed to talk to Mr. Clark. She told me to go right in.
"Oh, hello, Elrod," he said, leaning forward in his chair. "How are you doing today?"
"You've got my teddy bear head," I told him.
"Could you close the door, please?"
I closed the door. Mr. Clark cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable, then gestured for me to have a seat. "Elrod, do you know what the word 'discretion' means?"
"Probably something about you not wanting me to tell anyone you've got my teddy bear head."
"Yes, something like that." Mr. Clark cleared his throat again. "Okay, Elrod, I'm going to be honest. I think you're a great kid. You're very creative and I think a lot of the things you do are hysterical. Anyway, when I came home from work on Monday my wife told me that Rupert had been a very bad doggie. He coughed up the head of a teddy bear he'd eaten."
"Where did he cough it up?" I asked with disgust.
"Right on our living room floor. We'd just had it shampooed. My wife was not happy."
"Was the dog okay?"
"Oh, sure, Rupert's eaten a lot worse things than a teddy bear head. One time he ate an entire hamster cage, even though there wasn't a hamster in it. I think he just wanted to get at the wheel. But that's not important. The next day I came in and saw the signs you'd put up, and when I spoke with Mrs. Goggins she said you claimed your teddy bear had been kidnapped, which I knew was not the case."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
"Basically, I was curious to see how you would handle the situation if you started receiving real kidnapper notes. I know it was unprofessional, but I couldn't help myself. I just didn't expect you to find out it was me. How did you find out, anyway?"
"I hid in a locker. By the way, could you write me an excuse for missing first and second period?"
"I think that can be arranged. And I think if we both use the discretion I mentioned earlier, we can work things out."
THE NEXT DAY in health class Mrs. Goggins talked about how
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