so often.
YOU NEED A GUY WHO: Puts the booty in booty call.
MEET: Bertram, the cad from Allâs Well That Ends Well . Heâs rich, heâs hot, and heâs totally above you. Plus, heâs married. But that doesnât stop him from stepping out on his wife, so if you can put up with his attitude, give him a call. Like Tiger Woods before rehab.
ARE YOU A NAVEL-GAZING BROOKLYN BOHO? If only you had a hit TV show and a wardrobe of unflattering Peter Panâcollared dresses like Lena Dunham! Youâre so close to full-fledged self-absorption, with your Chinese character tats and low-paying job in publishing.
YOU NEED A GUY WHO: Makes you feel worse about your body than you already do but will also be the heartbreaking subject of your bestselling memoir in twenty years.
MEET: Prince Hal. Someday heâll become the honorable Henry V, but now Prince Hal is a spoiled rich kid who parties hard and loves a good prankâjust like a Kennedy! Heâs the kind of guy who might take an interest in the intellectual girl in the corner, if only to win a bet with his drinking buddies. And you can bet heâll never call back! But think of the advance on your book: My Night with Prince Hal .
ARE YOU A SUBURBAN SORORITY SISTER? Five years from now, youâll be walking down the aisle in a big white dress with ten bridesmaids and a wicked hangover. Until then, youâre going to have some fun, fun, fun, especially on football weekends!
YOU NEED A GUY WHO: You canât take home to Daddy.
MEET: Falstaff. Yes, that Falstaff, the pleasure seeker, the lover of wine, women, and song. Heâs way too old for you, it will never last, and besides, heâs a liar, a thief, and a cheat, but he epitomizes the lovable rogue. Think Vince Vaughn circa 2005. See? Kind of appealing, right?
ARE YOU A BOOKWORM BETTY? You were honored to be voted Most Likely to Become a Librarian, and your membership in the Jane Austen Society means the world to you. Itâs just that you havenât had a real date since prom, unless you count that hookup at the Renaissance Faire three years ago.
YOU NEED A GUY: With a largeâ¦vocabulary. Thatâs right, a large vocabulary.
MEET: Mercutio, Romeoâs homey. Funny, scene-stealer, life of the party. And believe me, he gets invited to all the best parties. Possible drug issues, maybe bipolar, but always a good time. Todayâs version: Lil Wayne.
CHAPTER 8
Congressman and Mrs. Seymourâs backyard had appeared in the July 2011 issue of House Beautiful . The article featured the happy couple hosting their annual Fourth of July bash, complete with red, white, and blue outfits and âfreedom-tinis.â (Really, if it was an âannualâ party, then apparently Iâd been left off the invitation list for years.) Bumble had secured the story, hired a food stylist, and artdirected the guest list to represent a Noahâs Ark of Tedâs supporters: two gays, two Hispanics, two Asians, two African-Americans, two Armenians, and Bumble and Ted. The feature, initially a coup for Bumble, became a headache for Ted.
Two conservative radio-talk-show hosts, Ron and Ben, made a fuss over the Pennsylvania bluestone used around the pool instead of California-mined slate, and they continued to beat that issue into the ground for weeks. Liberal newspaper editorials pounced on the enormous grill area, which was positioned as a âlet them eat cakeâ offense, as if Ted should run a soup kitchen out of his backyard. Andthe outdoor fireplace, slipped in just before they were banned for airpollution reasons, had drawn the ire of environmentalists. Bumble was furious. âThe guy is a self-made man, a real estate genius. Local boy makes good. Really started from zero, not like that fake self-made Donald Trump whose dad gave him zillions. Thatâs why they elected him! Of course he used high-quality materials! And those Brown Jordan chairs were designed right here
YOU NEED A GUY WHO: Puts the booty in booty call.
MEET: Bertram, the cad from Allâs Well That Ends Well . Heâs rich, heâs hot, and heâs totally above you. Plus, heâs married. But that doesnât stop him from stepping out on his wife, so if you can put up with his attitude, give him a call. Like Tiger Woods before rehab.
ARE YOU A NAVEL-GAZING BROOKLYN BOHO? If only you had a hit TV show and a wardrobe of unflattering Peter Panâcollared dresses like Lena Dunham! Youâre so close to full-fledged self-absorption, with your Chinese character tats and low-paying job in publishing.
YOU NEED A GUY WHO: Makes you feel worse about your body than you already do but will also be the heartbreaking subject of your bestselling memoir in twenty years.
MEET: Prince Hal. Someday heâll become the honorable Henry V, but now Prince Hal is a spoiled rich kid who parties hard and loves a good prankâjust like a Kennedy! Heâs the kind of guy who might take an interest in the intellectual girl in the corner, if only to win a bet with his drinking buddies. And you can bet heâll never call back! But think of the advance on your book: My Night with Prince Hal .
ARE YOU A SUBURBAN SORORITY SISTER? Five years from now, youâll be walking down the aisle in a big white dress with ten bridesmaids and a wicked hangover. Until then, youâre going to have some fun, fun, fun, especially on football weekends!
YOU NEED A GUY WHO: You canât take home to Daddy.
MEET: Falstaff. Yes, that Falstaff, the pleasure seeker, the lover of wine, women, and song. Heâs way too old for you, it will never last, and besides, heâs a liar, a thief, and a cheat, but he epitomizes the lovable rogue. Think Vince Vaughn circa 2005. See? Kind of appealing, right?
ARE YOU A BOOKWORM BETTY? You were honored to be voted Most Likely to Become a Librarian, and your membership in the Jane Austen Society means the world to you. Itâs just that you havenât had a real date since prom, unless you count that hookup at the Renaissance Faire three years ago.
YOU NEED A GUY: With a largeâ¦vocabulary. Thatâs right, a large vocabulary.
MEET: Mercutio, Romeoâs homey. Funny, scene-stealer, life of the party. And believe me, he gets invited to all the best parties. Possible drug issues, maybe bipolar, but always a good time. Todayâs version: Lil Wayne.
CHAPTER 8
Congressman and Mrs. Seymourâs backyard had appeared in the July 2011 issue of House Beautiful . The article featured the happy couple hosting their annual Fourth of July bash, complete with red, white, and blue outfits and âfreedom-tinis.â (Really, if it was an âannualâ party, then apparently Iâd been left off the invitation list for years.) Bumble had secured the story, hired a food stylist, and artdirected the guest list to represent a Noahâs Ark of Tedâs supporters: two gays, two Hispanics, two Asians, two African-Americans, two Armenians, and Bumble and Ted. The feature, initially a coup for Bumble, became a headache for Ted.
Two conservative radio-talk-show hosts, Ron and Ben, made a fuss over the Pennsylvania bluestone used around the pool instead of California-mined slate, and they continued to beat that issue into the ground for weeks. Liberal newspaper editorials pounced on the enormous grill area, which was positioned as a âlet them eat cakeâ offense, as if Ted should run a soup kitchen out of his backyard. Andthe outdoor fireplace, slipped in just before they were banned for airpollution reasons, had drawn the ire of environmentalists. Bumble was furious. âThe guy is a self-made man, a real estate genius. Local boy makes good. Really started from zero, not like that fake self-made Donald Trump whose dad gave him zillions. Thatâs why they elected him! Of course he used high-quality materials! And those Brown Jordan chairs were designed right here
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