come back to England, as they had.
“Enough! We’re going to be bawling in a minute if we don’t stop,” Rafe finally said in exasperation. “They don’t need our tears any more than they can use them now. They knew what they were getting into, as we did.Which is more than we do now. Damme, Ewen, a fellow knew what he had to do then! He had a purpose for getting up in the morning, and no guilt about whom he went to bed with at night. It was all so clear then—them or us, and squeeze as much pleasure as you can in between. Now, what? Raise turnips on our estates? Sit in the House of Lords and squabble with each other all day? What if we don’t want to farm or bicker? What are we supposed to do now?”
“Have lives, I expect,” Ewen said, “a thing we didn’t care about before because we knew we could lose them at any time. It’s what most men do, you know. Make a choice and get on with it. Raise a family or raise Cain. Seek pleasure or permanence. Or go to some other country and get involved in their war, if peace is too boring for you.”
“Ha!” his friend said mirthlessly. “No more war, thank you. At least I know that’s one thing I had enough of. And you? What are you going to do now?”
“What do you think?” Ewen asked, raising one dark brow.
“That’s easily answered, as I’ve seen you doing it: pursue pleasure, of course, as usual. Don’t know why I even asked,” he said moodily. “Don’t know if it’s right for me, though. Don’t know what is. Ewen, you’re a fine fellow and a good companion, but the truth is your company’s driving me to drink tonight. And I’ve got no room for another glass. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to someplace you don’t want to go. You’ve got some rig running, and I don’t.
“Unlike you, I don’t expect much, so I’m happy with what I get,” Rafe said as he got to his feet. “I can sleep through anything onstage, so if it’s a bad farce, whocares? I don’t mind gambling, because I expect to lose. As for females, I don’t mind being one in a line of men, if I don’t actually see them standing there. I have some discretion and a bit of taste, you know. But still, whom am I deceiving? Whether she’s a lady or a whore, I know I’m never the first and won’t be the last.”
“Thank you, that’s cheered me considerably,” Ewen said.
Rafe chuckled. “Oh, you’re cheery enough underneath,” he said wisely. “I worked with you long enough to know that. You can’t hide from me. Your face might be bland as butter, but you’re all anticipation—you’re practically licking your lips. You’ve got eyes like crystals, Ewen. You can make them flat and hard, but I can see them glittering. It’s the only thing that gives you away, and you’re lucky the Frogs never twigged to it. You’ve got some prize in mind that makes everything else seem dull by comparison. But me? I’ll take whatever I can use to get through this night. I bid you a good evening, Ewen. And good luck.”
B ut will luck be enough ? Ewen wondered as he strolled home from his club, alone. He hadn’t had much time. She had to act on what she knew now. It was just as well. As things stood, he wouldn’t have been able to let her know more, even if they’d had three months instead of three meetings for her to judge him by. Three months? Impossible to even imagine. For one thing, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his hands off her for another three minutes. For another, her aunt and cousin wouldn’t have let him woo her that long anyway. It needed to be done as it had been done, quickly and in secrecy.
He was obsessed with her now, a strange thing forhim. He wasn’t sure just what it was about her. and that was new for him, too. He was usually very certain of why he wanted a woman. This went beyond that delightful body, though. Did he pity her, as she had said? Certainly the surge of pure lust he felt every time he thought of her wasn’t pity; the way he felt in
“Enough! We’re going to be bawling in a minute if we don’t stop,” Rafe finally said in exasperation. “They don’t need our tears any more than they can use them now. They knew what they were getting into, as we did.Which is more than we do now. Damme, Ewen, a fellow knew what he had to do then! He had a purpose for getting up in the morning, and no guilt about whom he went to bed with at night. It was all so clear then—them or us, and squeeze as much pleasure as you can in between. Now, what? Raise turnips on our estates? Sit in the House of Lords and squabble with each other all day? What if we don’t want to farm or bicker? What are we supposed to do now?”
“Have lives, I expect,” Ewen said, “a thing we didn’t care about before because we knew we could lose them at any time. It’s what most men do, you know. Make a choice and get on with it. Raise a family or raise Cain. Seek pleasure or permanence. Or go to some other country and get involved in their war, if peace is too boring for you.”
“Ha!” his friend said mirthlessly. “No more war, thank you. At least I know that’s one thing I had enough of. And you? What are you going to do now?”
“What do you think?” Ewen asked, raising one dark brow.
“That’s easily answered, as I’ve seen you doing it: pursue pleasure, of course, as usual. Don’t know why I even asked,” he said moodily. “Don’t know if it’s right for me, though. Don’t know what is. Ewen, you’re a fine fellow and a good companion, but the truth is your company’s driving me to drink tonight. And I’ve got no room for another glass. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to someplace you don’t want to go. You’ve got some rig running, and I don’t.
“Unlike you, I don’t expect much, so I’m happy with what I get,” Rafe said as he got to his feet. “I can sleep through anything onstage, so if it’s a bad farce, whocares? I don’t mind gambling, because I expect to lose. As for females, I don’t mind being one in a line of men, if I don’t actually see them standing there. I have some discretion and a bit of taste, you know. But still, whom am I deceiving? Whether she’s a lady or a whore, I know I’m never the first and won’t be the last.”
“Thank you, that’s cheered me considerably,” Ewen said.
Rafe chuckled. “Oh, you’re cheery enough underneath,” he said wisely. “I worked with you long enough to know that. You can’t hide from me. Your face might be bland as butter, but you’re all anticipation—you’re practically licking your lips. You’ve got eyes like crystals, Ewen. You can make them flat and hard, but I can see them glittering. It’s the only thing that gives you away, and you’re lucky the Frogs never twigged to it. You’ve got some prize in mind that makes everything else seem dull by comparison. But me? I’ll take whatever I can use to get through this night. I bid you a good evening, Ewen. And good luck.”
B ut will luck be enough ? Ewen wondered as he strolled home from his club, alone. He hadn’t had much time. She had to act on what she knew now. It was just as well. As things stood, he wouldn’t have been able to let her know more, even if they’d had three months instead of three meetings for her to judge him by. Three months? Impossible to even imagine. For one thing, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his hands off her for another three minutes. For another, her aunt and cousin wouldn’t have let him woo her that long anyway. It needed to be done as it had been done, quickly and in secrecy.
He was obsessed with her now, a strange thing forhim. He wasn’t sure just what it was about her. and that was new for him, too. He was usually very certain of why he wanted a woman. This went beyond that delightful body, though. Did he pity her, as she had said? Certainly the surge of pure lust he felt every time he thought of her wasn’t pity; the way he felt in
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