Eating Things on Sticks by Anne Fine Page B

the torrent?’
    Morning Glory did at least have the grace to blush. But Officer Watkins grinned. ‘We didn’t go. We just sat in your car—’
    â€˜So I see,’ Uncle Tristram said, horribly frostily.
    â€˜â€“ and agreed to get married!’ He stuck his hand out. ‘And Morning Glory wanted you to be the first to know – since you’re her long-lost second cousin twice removed.’
    That startled Uncle Tristram. ‘ Am I?’
    Morning Glory let out a tinkling laugh and shook a warning finger at Uncle Tristram. ‘Don’t be so silly,’ she scolded. ‘You know you are! And Harry here is yet another long-lost cousin. It was so good of dear Aunt Susan to bring us together after all these long-lost years.’
    I was so glad not to have to be Titania, I didn’t mind whose long-lost cousin I became. So I gave Morning Glory a giant hug. ‘Congratulations, cuz!’
    She turned to Uncle Tristram. In a spot, he had to hug her, too. Then, after a moment’s slightly peeved consideration, he turned to Officer Watkins and shook hands with him as well. ‘Oh, all right. Congratulations to you both.’ He stood there for a moment longer, then simply added, ‘Right, then. Now that we’re all successfully in harmony with the universe, I might go back to my pork pie on a stick.’
    Morning Glory ignored him. ‘We’re not just getting married ,' she pressed on happily. She pointed to the FOR SALE sign. ‘We’re going buy that house as soon as I’ve managed to sell Aunty Audrey’s.’
    â€˜Better get back and have that go at barricading the stream, then,’ said Uncle Tristram.
    â€˜Yes,’ she agreed. ‘So are you ready?’
    We stared. ‘Who, us?’
    She smiled seraphically. ‘Of course. For one thing, I’ll need all the help that I can get. And for another, it’s not as if you’re doing anything important here.’
    â€˜We are,’ I said. ‘We’re trying to win the Eating Things on Sticks prize.’
    â€˜But why ?’ She spread her hands. ‘The only thing you’ll win is what you’ll have tomorrow anyway. A whole week on the mainland. The only thing you’re doing here is putting yourselves totally out of harmony with the universe by stuffing yourselves with quite disgusting foodstuffs that will make you sick.’
    I was already feeling a tiny bit queasy. But when she said that, I felt worse. I held my chipolata on a stick a little further away from me, and turned to Uncle Tristram. ‘She is right, you know.’
    â€˜Yes,’ Uncle Tristram said. ‘I know she’s right. It’s just that I’d prefer to spend my very last afternoon on this island walking round eating things on sticks to being in a cold and miserable house mopping up water.’
    â€˜Oh, come on,’ Morning Glory said. ‘Fair’s fair, Tristram. You owe me one small favour. You’ve had a lovely, lovely week at my house. You’ve even seen an angel!’
    The dreamy smile came back on Uncle Tristram’s face. ‘Well, there is that,’ he found himself conceding. ‘I’ve seen an angel.’
    He set off cheerily through the gathering crowd towards the car park, singing a song in which the words ‘Beautiful Delia, Queen of my Heart’ featured enough to get on my nerves and irritate Morning Glory intensely.
    THE BEST BEARD ON THE ISLAND
    â€˜Make way! Excuse me! Could we please get through! We’re in a bit of a hurry here!’
    The crowd weren’t budging, even for Officer Watkins.
    â€˜What’s going on?’ I asked.
    â€˜I don’t know.’ Uncle Tristram shrugged. ‘Maybe it’s jugglers. Or a magician or something.’
    Fat chance, I thought. And I was right. When we had shoved our way far enough through the crowd to see what everyone was staring at, it was the