instead. I muttered âFuckâ under my breath. Beneath me, the shells seemed to grate a name. Was it Connor? No. And something was wrong here. I didnât know where that sense of wrongness was coming from, but all at once the phantom itch in my right arm became a cold ache.
I tossed back the top sheet on the pad and sketched again, this time using just the red pencil. Red, red, itwas RED! The pencil raced, spilling out a human figure like blood from a cut. It was back-to, dressed in a red robe with a kind of scalloped collar. I colored the hair red, too, because it looked like blood and this person felt like blood. Like danger. Not for me butâ
âFor Ilse,â I muttered. âDanger for Ilse. Is it the guy? The special-news guy?â
There was something not right about the special-news guy, but I didnât think that was what was creeping me out. For one thing, the figure in the red robe didnât look like a guy. It was hard to tell for sure, but yesâI thought . . . female. So maybe not a robe at all. Maybe a dress? A long red dress?
I flipped back to the first figure and looked at the book the special-news guy was holding. I threw my red pencil on the floor and colored the book black. Then I looked at the guy again, and suddenly printed
HUMMINGBIRDS
in scripty-looking letters above him. Then I threw my black pencil on the floor. I raised my shaking hands and covered my face with them. I called out my daughterâs name, the way youâd call out if you saw someone too close to a steep drop or busy street.
Maybe I was just crazy. Probably I was crazy.
Eventually I became aware that there wasâof courseâonly one hand over my eyes. The phantom ache and itching had departed. The idea that I might be going crazyâhell, that I might have already goneâremained. One thing was beyond doubt: I was hungry. Ravenous.
ix
Ilseâs plane arrived ten minutes ahead of schedule. She was radiant in faded jeans and a Brown University tee-shirt, and I didnât see how Jack could keep from falling in love with her right there in Terminal B. She threw herself into my arms, covered my face with kisses, then laughed and grabbed me when I started listing to port on my crutch. I introduced her to Jack and pretended not to see the small diamond (purchased at Zales, I had no doubt) flashing on the third finger of her left hand when they shook.
âYou look wonderful, Daddy,â she said as we stepped out into the balmy December evening. âYouâve got a tan. First time since you built that rec center in Lilydale Park. And youâve put on weight. At least ten pounds. Donât you think so, Jack?â
âYouâd be the best judge of that,â Jack said, smiling. âIâll go get the car. You okay to stand, boss? This may take awhile.â
âIâm good.â
We waited on the curb with her two carry-ons and her computer. She was smiling into my eyes.
âYou saw it, didnât you?â she asked. âDonât pretend you didnât.â
âIf you mean the ring, I saw. Unless you won it in one of those quarter drop-the-claw games, Iâd say congratulations are in order. Does Lin know?â
âYep.â
âYour mother?â
âWhat do you think, Daddy? Best guess.â
âMy best guess is . . . not. Because sheâs so concerned about Grampy right now.â
âGrampy wasnât the only reason I kept the ring inmy purse the whole time I was in Californiaâexcept to show Lin, that is. Mostly I just wanted to tell you first. Is that evil?â
âNo, honey. Iâm touched.â
I was, too. But I was also afraid for her, and not just because she wouldnât be twenty for another three months.
âHis nameâs Carson Jones, and heâs a divinity student, of all thingsâdo you believe it? I love him, Daddy, I just love him so
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