Dreams of Sex and Stage Diving by Martin Millar

where each contestant had to flee through a barrage of tennis balls fired by a gladiator from a huge gun, stopping off at various places to fire back with weapons of their own.
    â€œI wish I could do that,” said Aran.
    â€œMe too,” said Elfish.
    â€œI have eight different cigarette cards now.”
    â€œReally. Eight already? Well done.”
    As American Gladiators came to an end they drifted off to sleep in a loose embrace.
    Outside, Cary and Lilac were mildly disgruntled at their failure to earn money washing windscreens. On arrival at their first prospective site they had found it already occupied by six people, all of whom were larger than them and all of whom indicated a strong desire for Cary and Lilac to disappear quickly. They had then walked all the way down to the next major road junction at Vauxhall, usually
a fertile site for windscreen cleaners, and were pleased to find no one there. Unfortunately they soon discovered that this was because the police had moved them all on and they were forced to leave when a police van drew up and a constable gave them a warning.
    What else could they do for money?
    They had phoned up the agency for the Bronte School of English but they did not need any more people to hand out leaflets and after that they were stuck. Although they had no more ideas they were not disheartened.
    â€œSomething will turn up,” said Lilac. “Tomorrow we should just walk around Brixton for a while. Probably we’ll meet someone who’ll offer us some work.”
    Cary and Lilac both shared some sort of optimistic new-age philosophy, the general gist of which was that things usually turned out all right if you just expected them to.
    Their problems therefore settled, they carried on placing daisies in each other’s hair.

thirty-one
    [ STAGE DIVING WITH ELFISH ]
    Elfish had now entered the transcendental state of the dedicated stage diver and was immune to the effects of pain, fear or exhaustion. Repeated journeys through the air gave her the hallucinatory feeling that she could fly, and was touching the ground only when she felt like it. Her feet felt light as she climbed and her body was weightless as she floated through space.
    Particularly extraordinary for Elfish was the general feeling of benevolence towards the world she now felt. A whole swaying array of young people in front of the stage whom Elfish would normally have held in absolute disesteem now seemed to her like a pleasant, even worthy gathering. It was with a sense of goodwill that she pounded down on to their heads.
    When next on the stage she noticed someone waving and screaming at her. It was Amnesia. After diving she had worked her way slightly to the side of the crowd and now stood in the middle of a little space on her own. Elfish understood the message. She ran the whole width of the stage to build up momentum then took a powerful leap towards her companion. She soared through space in a great
arc, headfirst towards the concrete around Amnesia’s feet. Her friend caught her safely, as Elfish knew she would. They sprawled on to the hard floor together, laughing. Scrambling quickly to their feet, they looked around for anyone holding a drink, demanded some of the contents, then began to push and elbow their way back to the front.

thirty-two
    ELFISH EXPLAINED HER frustrations to Shonen.
    â€œI went round to visit May on the Tulse Hill estate and she didn’t live there anymore because all the squatters on the estate have just been evicted. The council used PIOs to get them out quickly.”
    Shonen understood what this meant. PIO stood for “Prospective Intended Occupant” and was a legal order the council could obtain from a magistrate to save the time of preparing a court case for a normal eviction, which could take some months. With a PIO, no notice or formalities were necessary and the squatters could be evicted immediately.
    For the council to be able to do this they were