legal. And for Zach’s sake, I was okay with that. When I asked him how long he thought it would take to find Josette, he gave me the answer I didn’t want to hear.
“A few days maybe. Unless this woman really wants to stay hidden. In that case, it could be a few months—or, hell, maybe even a few years assuming I find her at all. I’ll give you a call on Monday. I should know more by then.”
Months? Years ? He had to be kidding me! I was going to have a hard enough time just staying sane until Monday! I remained patient throughout the rest of our conversation but screamed into a pillow as soon as it was over. Frustration, forced patience, and being still were going to be the death of me. Mentally, I was barely staying afloat.
Tired yet overwhelmingly restless, I paced the length of the apartment multiple times to ease the nervous energy building up inside of me. Once I felt a bit calmer, I called Shelly to let her know that I now had a private investigator of sorts to help me out. Then, I sat down at my desk to write.
While my body was ready to crash for days on end, my mind was aflutter with thoughts of nothing but Zach. I hated the fact that he ended up in the psych ward, but at least I knew he was safe in there. As long as he stayed locked up, I had one less worry on my mind.
Around eight ‘o clock, I took a melatonin tablet to help ease my brain into dreamland. But after the dream I had that night, I wished I hadn’t. Dreams—one more thing to add to the list of things that were going to be the death of me.
16. Slow Burn
“You were quite adamant when you got here that you wanted no visitors. What made you change your mind?”
Dr. Landon asked that question casually yet I knew he was going to analyze my response thoroughly. He was going to pick it apart piece by piece the same way she was deconstructing my brain. Slowly and with intent. I had to weigh my words—my tone of voice even—very carefully. My plan to escape depended on it.
“I feel stronger now. I’m ready to see my family again.”
“You used the word ‘family’, yet your sister is the only one you’ve asked us to contact. Why is that?”
See. That’s exactly what I was talking about. He was poking around in my mind with a pointy object—singling out anything that appeared suspect. But I was too smart to fall into his trap.
“Rachel is my twin sister. She understands me in ways that no one else can. I want to start transitioning myself back into the real world and she’s the best place for me to start,” I said with unwavering confidence—ignoring the fact that she was standing behind me breathing hotly down my neck.
“I see. I will take your request into consideration but frankly, I’m afraid that the ‘real’ world, as you put it, may not be in your best interests at the moment. I’ll let you know my final decision in a few days.”
Again, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew what he meant by that. He meant that he was going to watch me like a hawk for the time being. I couldn’t slip up in even the slightest of ways. I had to act normal no matter what she tried to do to me. It was a damn good thing that she couldn’t read my mind.
So after our session was over, I returned to my room with a pleasant smile on my face. All the while, she followed me—her scent enough to drive any man wild with desire. But not me. Not now. This wasn’t the right time and certainly not the right place. I had to block her out—for now.
With each passing day, I made small steps of progress toward my ultimate goal. I felt dead inside yet I managed to smile when it was appropriate, laugh when it was necessary. Her mental torture eased over time but never quite dissipated. Once I was
“A few days maybe. Unless this woman really wants to stay hidden. In that case, it could be a few months—or, hell, maybe even a few years assuming I find her at all. I’ll give you a call on Monday. I should know more by then.”
Months? Years ? He had to be kidding me! I was going to have a hard enough time just staying sane until Monday! I remained patient throughout the rest of our conversation but screamed into a pillow as soon as it was over. Frustration, forced patience, and being still were going to be the death of me. Mentally, I was barely staying afloat.
Tired yet overwhelmingly restless, I paced the length of the apartment multiple times to ease the nervous energy building up inside of me. Once I felt a bit calmer, I called Shelly to let her know that I now had a private investigator of sorts to help me out. Then, I sat down at my desk to write.
While my body was ready to crash for days on end, my mind was aflutter with thoughts of nothing but Zach. I hated the fact that he ended up in the psych ward, but at least I knew he was safe in there. As long as he stayed locked up, I had one less worry on my mind.
Around eight ‘o clock, I took a melatonin tablet to help ease my brain into dreamland. But after the dream I had that night, I wished I hadn’t. Dreams—one more thing to add to the list of things that were going to be the death of me.
16. Slow Burn
“You were quite adamant when you got here that you wanted no visitors. What made you change your mind?”
Dr. Landon asked that question casually yet I knew he was going to analyze my response thoroughly. He was going to pick it apart piece by piece the same way she was deconstructing my brain. Slowly and with intent. I had to weigh my words—my tone of voice even—very carefully. My plan to escape depended on it.
“I feel stronger now. I’m ready to see my family again.”
“You used the word ‘family’, yet your sister is the only one you’ve asked us to contact. Why is that?”
See. That’s exactly what I was talking about. He was poking around in my mind with a pointy object—singling out anything that appeared suspect. But I was too smart to fall into his trap.
“Rachel is my twin sister. She understands me in ways that no one else can. I want to start transitioning myself back into the real world and she’s the best place for me to start,” I said with unwavering confidence—ignoring the fact that she was standing behind me breathing hotly down my neck.
“I see. I will take your request into consideration but frankly, I’m afraid that the ‘real’ world, as you put it, may not be in your best interests at the moment. I’ll let you know my final decision in a few days.”
Again, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew what he meant by that. He meant that he was going to watch me like a hawk for the time being. I couldn’t slip up in even the slightest of ways. I had to act normal no matter what she tried to do to me. It was a damn good thing that she couldn’t read my mind.
So after our session was over, I returned to my room with a pleasant smile on my face. All the while, she followed me—her scent enough to drive any man wild with desire. But not me. Not now. This wasn’t the right time and certainly not the right place. I had to block her out—for now.
With each passing day, I made small steps of progress toward my ultimate goal. I felt dead inside yet I managed to smile when it was appropriate, laugh when it was necessary. Her mental torture eased over time but never quite dissipated. Once I was
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