Dragons & Butterflies: Sentenced to Die, Choosing to Live by Shani Krebs

been my girlfriend to begin with. I was only 16 when we first went steady, but when things began to get serious, I broke up with her. At 16 I was having too much fun, I reckoned, to have a serious relationship and girls were generally a headache. That night, however, I had fallen hopelessly in love all over again. The fact that, from then on, we had to sneak around and keep our romance a secret only added to the thrill and excitement. We became dangerously adventurous to the point of being careless.
    Melissa shared a room with two other girls, and I started sneaking into her dorm late at night, where, as quietly as possible, we would make love. On one occasion we fell asleep in each other’s arms and only woke up in the early hours of the morning. There was no way I could exit down the stairs. I had to make my way undetected to the girls’ lounge, out onto the balcony and over the edge, which was a 3m drop. Fortunately, I somehow managed not to hurt myself.
    Our relationship intensified over the weeks and Melissa agreed to dump Derek. We would be free to live and dance to the only way we knew, to lose ourselves in our own world. Melissa was forever on my mind and it was difficult for me to concentrate on my studies. Then one weekend Derek came home on his first army pass and we went on a double date. It was fucking awkward. Here I was, with another ex-girlfriend for whom I still had feelings, and Melissa, my current lover, was with her boyfriend, my supposed best friend. We went out for an early dinner and then to a movie. I ended up sitting between the two girls and, while holding the hand of my date, I also secretly held Melissa’s hand. Derek fell asleep during the movie, which made it easier. I’m not sure what was going through my mind at the time, but love sure has a way of twisting our morals. Or perhaps it was that we were young – enough of an excuse to do as we pleased.
    I studied hard in the run-up to our final exams. Subjects like History I learnt parrot fashion, preparing as much as I thought would see me through the exam. I began to think there was a good chance I might actually pass matric – and, despite all predictions to the contrary, I did.
    It was official: my schooldays were behind me. I was ready to embrace everything the free world could throw at me – the good, the bad and the ugly.

    Leaving Arcadia was a bittersweet moment for me, just as it would be, I imagined, for any normal kid leaving his parents’ home. Vicky was forever telling us how tough it was in the real world and that we didn’t appreciate how easy we had it in Arcadia. Delaying adulthood was not an option, however. There was a world out there that awaited a whole new generation of enthusiasts, and I topped the list. Saying goodbye to all the other kids was hard but, like so many other ex-Arcadians who had come and gone but who still visited regularly on weekends and attended the shul on festivals, I would be no different. Arcadia was our home. We were all part of something bigger.
    I moved in with Joan, but December holidays were already upon us so I didn’t settle there for long. Derek and I hitched a ride to Durban, where we met up with his brother Theo, who was staying there with their mother. Half of Johannesburg was in Durban, and we had the best time ever. What stands out the most for me was our adventurous, carefree spirit and how we embraced our newfound freedom. We came and went and did as we pleased, not having to answer to anybody. There were no set times for meals. We were free to be who we were. We were wild and we were invincible.
    Our favourite hangout was the Elangeni Hotel, which was within walking distance of the beachfront. We sometimes slept ten people in a single room. Sometimes we even slept in the hotel toilet.
    Durban was renowned for having the best weed in the southern hemisphere and we smoked pretty often. Theo smoked his first joint with us that holiday, and, after my initiation on speech night