of a lifetime and make the long flight back to me.” She wrapped her arms around Kitty and gave her a hug. “You don’t seem like my usual happy mother. I’ve put you through a lot, and I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t just you,” Kitty said, unable to let Cassie bear the blame for the fatigue and stress she knew showed on her face. “I miss… I met… There was someone…” The words to explain herself to her daughter wouldn’t come.
Cassie leaped on it. “You met someone? A man? Hallelujah—it’s about time. I never understood why you didn’t have someone years ago.”
“When you were little, I wouldn’t—”
“I haven’t been little for a long time now, Mum. This is so good. Tell me all about him. What’s his name and when do I get to meet him?”
“His name is… No, it doesn’t matter what his name is because you won’t be meeting him. It’s over.”
“He dumped you?” Cassie’s outrage made heads turn. Kitty made a shushing gesture. Cassie continued at a lower volume but just as vehemently. “Tell me where to find him. I’ll make him sorry he hurt my mum.”
Putting her hand on Cassie’s arm, Kitty said, “He didn’t dump me. I left him when I… When you…”
“You left him because of my accident? Oh great. Now I feel doubly guilty.”
“It wasn’t your fault, pet. It would have been over sooner or later anyway. I never intended to stay in Australia. It was just an extended holiday. Zakk is a great person but—”
“Zakk? Very cool! Sounds far more exciting than George or Fred.”
“There’s more to a person than a name.” It hurt to remember how much more. Zakk had integrity, honesty and more sex appeal than anyone she’d ever met.
“Oh, Mum.” Cassie’s eyes reflected compassion and love. “I can see how much it hurts. You have to go back to him.”
“I can’t,” Kitty said, breathing deeply to control the tears. “When I left to come home, I did it in a way that… I didn’t behave well and I hurt him.”
“Too much to recover from?” Cassie asked. “If you apologize…”
“I told him not to contact me. Made it impossible for him to do it even if he wanted to.”
“Why would you do that? If you like him as much as it seems you do, why would you deliberately cut yourself off from him?”
“Because it wouldn’t work, okay?” Kitty snapped, anger surfacing. “What were we going to do? Carry on a relationship from ten thousand kilometers away? Even if that worked for me, it wouldn’t work for him. He’s a man. He needs someone there, with him.”
“Doesn’t sound to me like you gave him any say in it,” Cassie replied. “You made the decision all by yourself. It’s not like you to be unfair.”
“I am not being unfair . I’m doing what’s best for Zakk .” Kitty picked up her water bottle. “I am going to have a shower. I don’t want to discuss this anymore. I made my decision, and I’m the one who has to live with it.”
“Zakk has to live with your decision, too,” Cassie retorted.
“This conversation is over,” Kitty said.
Cassie’s mouth tightened as if she would have continued the argument, but Kitty strode off to the change rooms. By the time she’d emerged from the shower, Cassie appeared to have let the subject drop. Over the next week, Cassie occasionally got a determined look in her eye that told Kitty she wanted to talk about Zakk, but Kitty’s forbidding glare kept her silent until she departed for university again.
* * * *
Kitty’s life returned to as normal as it was going to get. She went back to work at her old job, kept the house clean, shopped listlessly for groceries and watched hours of television without ever remembering what she’d seen. If the approaching summer didn’t lift the gray fog that surrounded her, if the increase in warmth didn’t thaw her frozen feelings, she regarded it as the price she had to pay for her brief adventure.
Cassie rang her regularly. Distance gave Cassie
“It wasn’t just you,” Kitty said, unable to let Cassie bear the blame for the fatigue and stress she knew showed on her face. “I miss… I met… There was someone…” The words to explain herself to her daughter wouldn’t come.
Cassie leaped on it. “You met someone? A man? Hallelujah—it’s about time. I never understood why you didn’t have someone years ago.”
“When you were little, I wouldn’t—”
“I haven’t been little for a long time now, Mum. This is so good. Tell me all about him. What’s his name and when do I get to meet him?”
“His name is… No, it doesn’t matter what his name is because you won’t be meeting him. It’s over.”
“He dumped you?” Cassie’s outrage made heads turn. Kitty made a shushing gesture. Cassie continued at a lower volume but just as vehemently. “Tell me where to find him. I’ll make him sorry he hurt my mum.”
Putting her hand on Cassie’s arm, Kitty said, “He didn’t dump me. I left him when I… When you…”
“You left him because of my accident? Oh great. Now I feel doubly guilty.”
“It wasn’t your fault, pet. It would have been over sooner or later anyway. I never intended to stay in Australia. It was just an extended holiday. Zakk is a great person but—”
“Zakk? Very cool! Sounds far more exciting than George or Fred.”
“There’s more to a person than a name.” It hurt to remember how much more. Zakk had integrity, honesty and more sex appeal than anyone she’d ever met.
“Oh, Mum.” Cassie’s eyes reflected compassion and love. “I can see how much it hurts. You have to go back to him.”
“I can’t,” Kitty said, breathing deeply to control the tears. “When I left to come home, I did it in a way that… I didn’t behave well and I hurt him.”
“Too much to recover from?” Cassie asked. “If you apologize…”
“I told him not to contact me. Made it impossible for him to do it even if he wanted to.”
“Why would you do that? If you like him as much as it seems you do, why would you deliberately cut yourself off from him?”
“Because it wouldn’t work, okay?” Kitty snapped, anger surfacing. “What were we going to do? Carry on a relationship from ten thousand kilometers away? Even if that worked for me, it wouldn’t work for him. He’s a man. He needs someone there, with him.”
“Doesn’t sound to me like you gave him any say in it,” Cassie replied. “You made the decision all by yourself. It’s not like you to be unfair.”
“I am not being unfair . I’m doing what’s best for Zakk .” Kitty picked up her water bottle. “I am going to have a shower. I don’t want to discuss this anymore. I made my decision, and I’m the one who has to live with it.”
“Zakk has to live with your decision, too,” Cassie retorted.
“This conversation is over,” Kitty said.
Cassie’s mouth tightened as if she would have continued the argument, but Kitty strode off to the change rooms. By the time she’d emerged from the shower, Cassie appeared to have let the subject drop. Over the next week, Cassie occasionally got a determined look in her eye that told Kitty she wanted to talk about Zakk, but Kitty’s forbidding glare kept her silent until she departed for university again.
* * * *
Kitty’s life returned to as normal as it was going to get. She went back to work at her old job, kept the house clean, shopped listlessly for groceries and watched hours of television without ever remembering what she’d seen. If the approaching summer didn’t lift the gray fog that surrounded her, if the increase in warmth didn’t thaw her frozen feelings, she regarded it as the price she had to pay for her brief adventure.
Cassie rang her regularly. Distance gave Cassie
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