That’s what you’re taught in the South. Somebody offers,
you accept and you choke it down if you have to.
She poured coffee into a mug that said SIX FLAGS OVER GEORGIA , then filled the plastic top on the thermos and slid it toward me. “Might as well
grab that other stool.”
I walked past an aquarium full of bugs. Most of them were dead. Some were still moving,
trying in vain to scrabble up the walls of their glass coffin. There was a plywood
board covering the top, preventing escape. She was trapping them and letting them
die, then entombing them in glass. I pulled the stool up to the other side of her
plywood table, away from the creepy aquarium. The murky liquid in the thermos cap
was a grocery store brand, lukewarm. Snobby Neil would have spit it out.
“It tore Jeffrey up when Tracy disappeared. He and Tracy were two years apart. He
was the youngest. They went to and from school together every day on the bus. He was
home sick the day she disappeared. He never got over that. Girl just disappeared into
thin air. Then that sheriff we had back then comes around with his deputies, and after
he finished investigating us, they tried to tell me Tracy ran away. I don’t think
a one of them ever thought about her again after that.”
“I take it you don’t think it’s possible she ran away with someone she trusted.”
“Not Tracy. And that’s not just a mother talking. Tracy was real responsible. Her
mama and her daddy were drinkin’ and fightin’ butshe cooked the dinner and cleaned house. And took care of me and her brother. Some
might say she had good reason to leave. But Tracy wouldn’t go running off. I’m sorry
to have to say it, but she was the grown-up around here back then.”
“Did she have a boyfriend?” I asked.
She looked away from wire and pliers. “I don’t even think she’d been kissed.” She
finished setting the glass triangle with the dead bug inside and began attaching a
leather band.
I took another sip of coffee, watched her steady, agile hands work. “How long have
you been sober?”
Her fingers stopped for just a second. She looked at me. “Almost eleven years.”
Her daughter’s disappearance must have made her take a long look at her life, I thought.
“Four years for me,” I said. I wanted to connect with her. She wasn’t going to open
up as long as I was just someone else from the sheriff’s department who didn’t give
a shit. “Some days are better than others,” I added.
“I know that’s right.”
“Mrs. Davidson—”
“Call me Josey.”
“Was Tracy close to anyone outside the family? Was there an adult she confided in,
a counselor, an older friend, maybe? Did anyone give her rides home from school? Anything
like that?”
Josey shook her bleached-blond head. “Like I said, Jeffrey and Tracy rode the bus
together every day. Tracy was tight-lipped about our business. I think she worried
she and Jeff would be taken away if people knew what was going on here. She always
had faith in me.” Her voice sank, wavered. “She always used to tell me I could quit
drinking. She’d hide the booze sometimes or pour it all out, but her father didn’t
like that much.”
“I’m sorry to ask, but do you feel certain Tracy wasn’t sexually active?” Something
I’d seen in the lab reports was bugging me.
“I’m certain,” she said. “Tracy was just a little girl in a lot of ways. Plus, her
father didn’t give the children a lot of freedom. And my husband never bothered our
children that way. For sex, I mean. Thank the Lord for small favors.”
We were quiet, Josey remembering and me imagining what their household must have been
like back then. “I’d like to know the other little girl’s name,” Josey said. “They
told me Tracy wasn’t alone when they found her. I’m sorry for the parents of that
child, and I hope God forgives me for sayin’ this, but somehow it made me feel
you accept and you choke it down if you have to.
She poured coffee into a mug that said SIX FLAGS OVER GEORGIA , then filled the plastic top on the thermos and slid it toward me. “Might as well
grab that other stool.”
I walked past an aquarium full of bugs. Most of them were dead. Some were still moving,
trying in vain to scrabble up the walls of their glass coffin. There was a plywood
board covering the top, preventing escape. She was trapping them and letting them
die, then entombing them in glass. I pulled the stool up to the other side of her
plywood table, away from the creepy aquarium. The murky liquid in the thermos cap
was a grocery store brand, lukewarm. Snobby Neil would have spit it out.
“It tore Jeffrey up when Tracy disappeared. He and Tracy were two years apart. He
was the youngest. They went to and from school together every day on the bus. He was
home sick the day she disappeared. He never got over that. Girl just disappeared into
thin air. Then that sheriff we had back then comes around with his deputies, and after
he finished investigating us, they tried to tell me Tracy ran away. I don’t think
a one of them ever thought about her again after that.”
“I take it you don’t think it’s possible she ran away with someone she trusted.”
“Not Tracy. And that’s not just a mother talking. Tracy was real responsible. Her
mama and her daddy were drinkin’ and fightin’ butshe cooked the dinner and cleaned house. And took care of me and her brother. Some
might say she had good reason to leave. But Tracy wouldn’t go running off. I’m sorry
to have to say it, but she was the grown-up around here back then.”
“Did she have a boyfriend?” I asked.
She looked away from wire and pliers. “I don’t even think she’d been kissed.” She
finished setting the glass triangle with the dead bug inside and began attaching a
leather band.
I took another sip of coffee, watched her steady, agile hands work. “How long have
you been sober?”
Her fingers stopped for just a second. She looked at me. “Almost eleven years.”
Her daughter’s disappearance must have made her take a long look at her life, I thought.
“Four years for me,” I said. I wanted to connect with her. She wasn’t going to open
up as long as I was just someone else from the sheriff’s department who didn’t give
a shit. “Some days are better than others,” I added.
“I know that’s right.”
“Mrs. Davidson—”
“Call me Josey.”
“Was Tracy close to anyone outside the family? Was there an adult she confided in,
a counselor, an older friend, maybe? Did anyone give her rides home from school? Anything
like that?”
Josey shook her bleached-blond head. “Like I said, Jeffrey and Tracy rode the bus
together every day. Tracy was tight-lipped about our business. I think she worried
she and Jeff would be taken away if people knew what was going on here. She always
had faith in me.” Her voice sank, wavered. “She always used to tell me I could quit
drinking. She’d hide the booze sometimes or pour it all out, but her father didn’t
like that much.”
“I’m sorry to ask, but do you feel certain Tracy wasn’t sexually active?” Something
I’d seen in the lab reports was bugging me.
“I’m certain,” she said. “Tracy was just a little girl in a lot of ways. Plus, her
father didn’t give the children a lot of freedom. And my husband never bothered our
children that way. For sex, I mean. Thank the Lord for small favors.”
We were quiet, Josey remembering and me imagining what their household must have been
like back then. “I’d like to know the other little girl’s name,” Josey said. “They
told me Tracy wasn’t alone when they found her. I’m sorry for the parents of that
child, and I hope God forgives me for sayin’ this, but somehow it made me feel
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