Doctor's Orders by Daniella Divine

virgin who was innocently seduced last night. You have a whole
history he knows nothing about. You can’t tell him without scaring
him off. But if you don’t tell him, then whatever relationship you
have is based on lies. Which means it’s no relationship at
all.’
    She was right. It hit me like a train wreck. I was
making a fool of myself, letting Brad believe I was some innocent
young lady, when the reality was I had fucked my way through more
men than I could remember, plus a few women, too. I sat there shell
shocked. What an idiot I had been, living in a dream world, and
ignoring reality.
    ‘I’ve got to go out,’ I said. Ellen called after me,
but I wanted to be alone. I stormed out of the apartment, down to
the street and started walking to nowhere in particular at a
furious pace. I turned it all over in my mind, and tried to make
sense of it. But I knew deep down that Ellen was right. If I wasn’t
honest with Brad, the whole thing would be a charade. I didn’t know
what kind of relationship we had, and where we might go, but if I
wasn’t honest with him, our relationship had about as much future
as the Titanic steaming towards its iceberg.
    But there was no way I could tell him the truth,
either. The idea was absurd. If I started recounting the details of
my sexual exploits, he would run for the hills. I was caught in a
trap, with no way out. Heads I lose, tails I lose. A lose/lose
situation.
    I kept walking, not knowing or caring where I was
going. Eventually, I found myself on George Street - the main
street through the city - heading north. I walked a long way, past
George St. and Circular Quay and into the Rocks, one of the oldest
parts of Sydney harbour. I only stopped when I reached the water’s
edge. I felt like Forrest Gump – just keeping going until I reached
the ocean, for no particular reason whatsoever. Any logic I had in
my life had just evaporated.
    I realized that option A and option B were both out.
I couldn’t carry on without saying anything to Brad about my past,
and equally there was no way that I could ever risk talking to him
about it. I realized that the only available choice was option
C…end the whole thing now and walk away. The idea hurt, it really
did, but it would be the best thing for both of us. I would be able
to get on with my life as if we had never met, as painful a concept
as that seemed. And Brad would write me off as just another silly
woman who didn’t make the grade.
    Yes, that was it. I would have to end it. But
how?

    ***
     
    Yes, I know. What I
should have done is pick up the phone and tell him straight. Or
better still, tell him face to face. The only thing I can say in my
defense is that at least I didn’t try to end the relationship with
a text message or an email. Even I don’t sink as low as
that.
    The truth is, I did nothing. I put the decision off,
and then put it off some more. Procrastination is a specialty of
mine. I can put things off for weeks or even months at a time,
especially if they are things I really don’t want to do. So instead
of facing up to what needed to be done, I became an expert at
avoidance. For the next week, I did everything I could to evade the
inevitable confrontation.
    Brad rang me at work, but I didn’t take the calls.
He rang my cell phone, and sent me text messages, but didn’t get a
reply. I felt like a complete shit, but I just didn’t know how to
handle the situation. I buried myself in my work, and tried to
forget what had happened between us. Fortunately, we had a lot to
do in the office, so it wasn’t hard to find things to keep my mind
occupied. We were working on a special edition, so that meant
plenty of extra work with photographers, writers, contributors and
suppliers.
    For that whole week, the days flew by, but the
evenings dragged. And the nights were as lonely as hell. Ellen was
away on business, so I was completely alone in the apartment.
Several times the doorbell rang during the evening, but I