Dirty Rotten Liar by Noire Page A

seat, speechless like fuck, but then Dy-Nasty started actin’ up, and you can best believe when she jumped off into her grifter act I started cuttin’ the hell up too!
    â€œ Dadddeeee !” she wailed, smushing her face down in her cold mashed potatoes as she keeled forward like her ass had been sniper-shot. “Ohmygawd!” she sniveled, and slobbered all in her plate. “Praise his name!” She slapped both her hands down hard on the table. “Praise!” Slap! “His!” Slap! “Ho!” Slap! “Lee!” Slap! “NAME!”
    I tooted up my lips and shot her a killer look. No this trick wasn’t tryna go to church on me! No this heathen wasn’t ! Well we could go to church, baby! We could damn sure go to church!
    Bunni shot me a go get ’em look, but it wasn’t even necessary ’cause I wasn’t about to let that trick show me up with her back-alley praise words, so I went for broke and busted out with a few of minez too!
    â€œI knew it!” I shrieked. I leaped to my feet like somebody had shoved a golden pole up my ass, knocking my chair clean over as I pogo-jumped up and down on two stiff legs.
    â€œI knew my daddy was gonna wake up one day! Hallelujah!” I held my hands high in the air and shook ’em like I had two tambourines attached to my wrists.
    â€œ Hosanna !” I shrieked, and Bunni looked over at me like I had a snake comin’ outta my mouth.
    â€œLawdhamercy! I prayed on my knees for this, Mama Selah! I swear to God , I got down on my knees and prayed for my father’s healing and his salvation, Lawd, thank you, Jezeesus !”
    I started trembling and gasping like I was catching the Holy Ghost, and I was performing so good that even Dy-Nasty had to pop her head up and kill all that weeping so she could see what the hell was going on.
    But then Barron stood up and cleared his throat real loud. He walked over to me and put his hands on both of my shoulders, then he gave me a hard lil push like, Sinner, sit your black ass down!
    â€œA’ight now,” Barron said, walking back to his place at the table. “We understand everybody is extra happy”—he shot a smirk at me and Dy-Nasty—“because me and Mama are happy too. Daddy has a long road of recovery ahead of him and it’s probably gonna be a tough one. The first thing we gotta do is make some real quick phone calls and let his aunts and cousins know he’s awake and that he’s gonna be okay. After that, we’ll all fly down to Houston tomorrow so everybody can welcome him back to the world and show him some Dominion love.”
    â€œI’ve got the business jet lined up for seven a.m. sharp,” Selah said, stepping back into the convo. “And Viceroy is expecting us. He’s anxious to see everybody but as you all know, your father has been through a lot. The time he spent in a coma took almost as much out of him as his injuries did, and he’s also undergone some pretty invasive therapies to help his brain heal and rejuvenate too. In light of all that, the doctors want us to be extra-careful that we don’t upset him and that we keep his stress level to a minimum.”
    She took a real deep breath and then she stared dead at me and Dy-Nasty. I was still standing there sniffling snot and holding my imaginary tambourines up in the air, and that weeping-ass snake oil swindler Dy-Nasty had done cried herself outta her chair and was clinging to the table with one hand while she had one knee planted on the floor.
    â€œThat means,” Selah continued with a disgusted look in her eyes, “that Mink and Dy-Nasty, you two will have to stay back here at the house tomorrow. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think Viceroy is ready to handle all this”—she frowned and waved her hand in the air—“ drama y’all got going on.”
    Â 
    If we thought what Selah had just spit was bad, the