fire for long punishing moments.
***
The explosion flared brutally clear, as vivid as if it happened yesterday, and the pain was just as engulfing. A few more clicks and they would have been at the rendezvous point, where he would give the location of his fallen men.
Then they stumbled upon the village and the shit with the boy. He could still see Mike’s smile as he squatted down to the boy’s level. Still hear Kip’s shout. The bench. The explosion. The blood. So much blood.
“Hunter?” Dani’s troubled voice jerked him from his trance.
For one crazy wild moment he thought he’d spoken aloud. He squeezed his eyes closed hoping to blot out the cruel vision. How could he expose Dani to the violence of war?
He felt her hand on his cheek. When he looked into her eyes, the pressure in his chest eased. For some reason Dani calmed him. Strength flowed from her, surrounding him in comfort.
“The people in the village were welcoming. The women gave us water. I was speaking with a man, I figured he was the person in charge, or a chief of some sort, while Mike and Kip cleared the area. There was a boy.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Mike was the youngest in my unit. The other guys gave him a hard time, but he was a champ. He’d earned their respect. A true soldier. He kept hard candy in this pocket. The guys appreciated it during maneuvers when their throats went dry, but it was more or less an enticement—a good device to make friends. Kip and Mike know the drill. They were thorough. No threats were found. Mike gave the boy a piece of candy. My concentration was on the leader, my thoughts were on getting us home.”
Dani’s warm hand caressed his chest. He tightened his arm around her.
“The boy led Mike to a bench, and I turned back to the man. I didn’t see what happened, but I heard Kip yell, ‘Wait’. Instincts kicked in, I spun around, weapon at the ready, primed to face the threat. I saw Kip running, and then, all I saw was dirt.” Dani curled into him, her hand over his heart. “The bench was strapped with explosives. The boy was sacrificed.”
“No!” Dani cried out.
He couldn’t look at her, didn’t want her to see his anguish reflected in her eyes. She cuddled into him, giving him just what he needed, her warmth, grounding him when he wanted to strike out at everyone.
“That’s the last thing I remember until I heard the chopper blades whipping in the air.” He raked his fingers through his hair. He didn’t like being unable to control his emotions.
She locked her arms around him. God, she felt good. He kissed the top of her head.
“I was discharged months ago. Going home was not an option. With Dad gone and my mom remarried, I wasn’t about to destroy her happiness. I was in Afghanistan when I got news about my uncle, so he was gone, too. It hurts to say it out loud. Uncle Denny, the war . . . my emotions were still too raw.” He lowered his head against the top of hers. “So much death and destruction, my life was in shambles. I only existed.”
Her hands slipped under his shirt, stroking his back. God it felt good. She felt good. He’d never had emotions grab him by the balls. He never wanted to let her go.
Talk about building castles in the sky.
“The easiest coping mechanism would have been to dive into a bottle. But I’ve seen what alcohol can do. No amount of liquor can kill the pain of reliving the moment of holding your friend’s damaged body in your arms.”
She shivered against him.
“I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”
She pulled away to look at him. “I want you to share your thoughts and feelings.
“The worst is the guilt.”
“Guilt?”
“I lived. They didn’t.”
Dani cradled his face. God, he loved her touch. He inhaled her clean scent.
“You didn’t want to die, Hunter. Neither did they. What do you have to be guilty for? Guilt is a vicious thing, we heap on ourselves, and most times, as in your case, undeserved.
***
The explosion flared brutally clear, as vivid as if it happened yesterday, and the pain was just as engulfing. A few more clicks and they would have been at the rendezvous point, where he would give the location of his fallen men.
Then they stumbled upon the village and the shit with the boy. He could still see Mike’s smile as he squatted down to the boy’s level. Still hear Kip’s shout. The bench. The explosion. The blood. So much blood.
“Hunter?” Dani’s troubled voice jerked him from his trance.
For one crazy wild moment he thought he’d spoken aloud. He squeezed his eyes closed hoping to blot out the cruel vision. How could he expose Dani to the violence of war?
He felt her hand on his cheek. When he looked into her eyes, the pressure in his chest eased. For some reason Dani calmed him. Strength flowed from her, surrounding him in comfort.
“The people in the village were welcoming. The women gave us water. I was speaking with a man, I figured he was the person in charge, or a chief of some sort, while Mike and Kip cleared the area. There was a boy.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Mike was the youngest in my unit. The other guys gave him a hard time, but he was a champ. He’d earned their respect. A true soldier. He kept hard candy in this pocket. The guys appreciated it during maneuvers when their throats went dry, but it was more or less an enticement—a good device to make friends. Kip and Mike know the drill. They were thorough. No threats were found. Mike gave the boy a piece of candy. My concentration was on the leader, my thoughts were on getting us home.”
Dani’s warm hand caressed his chest. He tightened his arm around her.
“The boy led Mike to a bench, and I turned back to the man. I didn’t see what happened, but I heard Kip yell, ‘Wait’. Instincts kicked in, I spun around, weapon at the ready, primed to face the threat. I saw Kip running, and then, all I saw was dirt.” Dani curled into him, her hand over his heart. “The bench was strapped with explosives. The boy was sacrificed.”
“No!” Dani cried out.
He couldn’t look at her, didn’t want her to see his anguish reflected in her eyes. She cuddled into him, giving him just what he needed, her warmth, grounding him when he wanted to strike out at everyone.
“That’s the last thing I remember until I heard the chopper blades whipping in the air.” He raked his fingers through his hair. He didn’t like being unable to control his emotions.
She locked her arms around him. God, she felt good. He kissed the top of her head.
“I was discharged months ago. Going home was not an option. With Dad gone and my mom remarried, I wasn’t about to destroy her happiness. I was in Afghanistan when I got news about my uncle, so he was gone, too. It hurts to say it out loud. Uncle Denny, the war . . . my emotions were still too raw.” He lowered his head against the top of hers. “So much death and destruction, my life was in shambles. I only existed.”
Her hands slipped under his shirt, stroking his back. God it felt good. She felt good. He’d never had emotions grab him by the balls. He never wanted to let her go.
Talk about building castles in the sky.
“The easiest coping mechanism would have been to dive into a bottle. But I’ve seen what alcohol can do. No amount of liquor can kill the pain of reliving the moment of holding your friend’s damaged body in your arms.”
She shivered against him.
“I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”
She pulled away to look at him. “I want you to share your thoughts and feelings.
“The worst is the guilt.”
“Guilt?”
“I lived. They didn’t.”
Dani cradled his face. God, he loved her touch. He inhaled her clean scent.
“You didn’t want to die, Hunter. Neither did they. What do you have to be guilty for? Guilt is a vicious thing, we heap on ourselves, and most times, as in your case, undeserved.
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