Devil Red by Joe R. Lansdale Page A

there when I would have invited it.”
    She pushed my hair off my forehead and kissed my cheek.
    Right then I loved her more than I had ever loved her.
    I was sipping on my coffee when I had a flash as clear as daylight. I said, “Bert’s dead.”
    “Bert?” Brett said.
    “Mini’s stepfather,” Leonard said.
    “He’s dead,” I said.
    “You just have a psychic vision or something?” Leonard asked.
    I put my cup of coffee on the tray. “No,” I said. “I saw him dead. Last night.”
    I told them what I had seen.
    Leonard said, “Maybe you never left the chair. Maybe you thought you saw what you saw. You told me vampires were after you.”
    “I did?”
    “You did.”
    “It all seems like a dream. I think I remember thinking I’d call the police, then Marvin, then you, Leonard.”
    “Was I on the list?” Brett asked.
    “You were next.”
    “But you didn’t call,” Leonard said.
    “I guess not.”
    “It was a kind of trigger, Hap, you seeing Bert’s body, or thinking you did, or dreaming you did. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. And in case you’re not following my cliché, you’re the camel.”
    “You really think you saw a dead man?” Brett said. “Or are you screwed in the head, honey?”
    “Sympathy like that,” Leonard said, “is why you’re a nurse.”
    “I’m just sayin’,” Brett said.
    “I don’t know,” I said. “I really don’t. I’d have a hard time trying to remember my shoe size right now. But it seemed real. I had this feeling that things weren’t right, and I went out there. He called, see, and I went to sleep, and I woke up feeling like it wasn’t right.”
    “But you don’t know for a fact you went to see him?” Brett said.
    I shook my head.
    “You been kind of goofy lately,” Leonard said. “I saw this coming, but I wasn’t expecting it to be like this.”
    “What were you expectin’?” I asked.
    “It didn’t involve you shittin’ yourself while sittin’ in a big armchair,” Leonard said. “That much I can tell you.”
    “Which, by the way,” Brett said, “I have disposed of the chair. I took it to the dump. You owe me a chair, Hap.”
    “I’ll get right on that,” I said.
    Leonard got up and started for the door.
    I said, “Where are you goin’?”
    “To get Bert’s Camp Rapture address from the folder, then I’m going to go see if you’re nuts.”

28
    Sometime later, Leonard came through the bedroom door. Brett and I were snuggled up together under the covers.
    “Glad I didn’t come back fifteen minutes later,” Leonard said. “Or was it fifteen minutes earlier?”
    “Whatever time you came in, it would have been the same situation,” Brett said. “His little friend is as tired as he is.”
    I said, “Do we need to get me sized for a straitjacket?”
    “It was just like you said, including the devil drawing on the sheets. The place was thrown about, maybe just to look like a robbery. He was tortured good. His tongue was cut out. Air conditioner was running, which might have muffled screams and it would keep the body from going to rot too fast. That happened, you could smell that stink for a mile. And maybe Bert just liked it cold. Bottom line, though, is he’s dead.”
    “Jesus,” Brett said.
    “Good to know I’m not going to be spending Christmas in a rubber room. But, on the other hand, bad to know Bert really is dead.”
    “Yeah, with his passing, the world has really lost a big bit of charm. As for you, you’re not off the nut hook yet. I think you need to stay where you are for a while. Get your marbles back together.”
    “Yeah, you’re kind of fucked up,” Brett said. “You boys want more coffee?”
    “That would be nice,” Leonard said.
    “Well,” Brett said, “I want some too, so I’m going to do what any good domesticated woman does, I’m going to have Leonard make it.”
    “Hell with that,” Leonard said. “I’m going to the coffee shop.”
    “You know what?” Brett said.