brown shirt, jodhpurs, and
high, shiny black leather boots. He was carrying a riding crop. These photos
weren’t like those cheesy posters that numbskulls carry at street protests,
where someone used a Sharpie to draw a Hitler moustache. No, these were
professional-quality Photoshopped images, which was appropriate because the guy
wanted the world to know that the president isn’t just like a Nazi, he
actually is a Nazi, and these photos of him prove it. Personally, he
convinced me. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense: after a long day
of taking our guns away, riding roughshod over our God-given freedoms, and
trampling our Constitutional rights, the president pours himself a drink, gets
funky, and slips into a Nazi uniform, complete with a swastika armband. I mean,
wouldn’t you?
I Googled “Montana patriots” and found the Montana
Patriot Front, which has its own channel, with 137 videos. There was a video
shot from inside what they called the “church” at Lake Hollow, really a log
cabin, crammed with a few dozen folding chairs and a plywood altar. The only
thing churchy about the place was a plastic Jesus on the cross, maybe a foot
tall, hanging on the front wall, looking about as spiritual as it must have
looked on the shelf at Wal-Mart. Painted on the front of the wooden podium on
the altar was a swastika with lightning-bolt arms on it. The swastika was twice
the size of Jesus—just to make sure everyone knew what was what.
A guy walks up to the podium. He’s wearing camo
pants, a brown t-shirt, and a military fatigue jacket. Short, paunchy, with
dark, thin hair combed neat, parted down the middle, he’s fussy and deliberate
as he arranges his note cards. He looks up, adjusting the microphone. “My name
is Thomas McClaren. I’m from Spokane, Washington.” His expression darkens. “And
I’m here to talk with you about a subject that is of crucial importance to all
of us at this gathering. All of the white people of these great United States.
I want to explain to you this afternoon the scientific basis of our cause. Why
the white people of the United States bear an awesome responsibility to cast
down the black people … may I call them niggers ?”
Whoa. You kiss your wife with that mouth,
motherfucker? I looked at the corner of the YouTube screen. This guy was going
to spew for 14:32. It was a real long quarter hour, but I learned a lot.
Such as that only white people can be Christians.
This seemed to be the most important point because the shithead said it many
times. American white people are the best kind of Christians, but not all
American white people are Christians. Jewish American white people are (of
course) not Christians and are therefore evil. Jewish people are intelligent,
but not in a good way. They are wily. Which is why they grow up to be wily
Jew politicians . Although many Jewish people look white, they really
aren’t. It’s not about whether they have white skin. It’s much more complicated
than that. And because Jewish people probably aren’t officially white, they
cannot be the chosen people. Who are the real chosen people, the asshole
asked? I got this one right: real white American Christians.
By contrast, black people are always drunk. (When
I was a kid, I was taught it was Irish people, but there must be some new
science.) Black people are officially people, but God made them stupid so
they’d be happy tending the herds. They’re not smart enough to do agriculture.
That’s due to the drunkenness: they can’t plant the seeds in a straight line.
Because there aren’t that many animals for black people to herd today, they
spend most of their time watching Oprah, collecting welfare, and having many,
many black bastard babies.
Muslim people are all A-rabs, regardless of where
they live. They want to kill the chosen people (the true American white
Christians, not the Jews) because they hate us although they like the things we
have and want to have them, too.
high, shiny black leather boots. He was carrying a riding crop. These photos
weren’t like those cheesy posters that numbskulls carry at street protests,
where someone used a Sharpie to draw a Hitler moustache. No, these were
professional-quality Photoshopped images, which was appropriate because the guy
wanted the world to know that the president isn’t just like a Nazi, he
actually is a Nazi, and these photos of him prove it. Personally, he
convinced me. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense: after a long day
of taking our guns away, riding roughshod over our God-given freedoms, and
trampling our Constitutional rights, the president pours himself a drink, gets
funky, and slips into a Nazi uniform, complete with a swastika armband. I mean,
wouldn’t you?
I Googled “Montana patriots” and found the Montana
Patriot Front, which has its own channel, with 137 videos. There was a video
shot from inside what they called the “church” at Lake Hollow, really a log
cabin, crammed with a few dozen folding chairs and a plywood altar. The only
thing churchy about the place was a plastic Jesus on the cross, maybe a foot
tall, hanging on the front wall, looking about as spiritual as it must have
looked on the shelf at Wal-Mart. Painted on the front of the wooden podium on
the altar was a swastika with lightning-bolt arms on it. The swastika was twice
the size of Jesus—just to make sure everyone knew what was what.
A guy walks up to the podium. He’s wearing camo
pants, a brown t-shirt, and a military fatigue jacket. Short, paunchy, with
dark, thin hair combed neat, parted down the middle, he’s fussy and deliberate
as he arranges his note cards. He looks up, adjusting the microphone. “My name
is Thomas McClaren. I’m from Spokane, Washington.” His expression darkens. “And
I’m here to talk with you about a subject that is of crucial importance to all
of us at this gathering. All of the white people of these great United States.
I want to explain to you this afternoon the scientific basis of our cause. Why
the white people of the United States bear an awesome responsibility to cast
down the black people … may I call them niggers ?”
Whoa. You kiss your wife with that mouth,
motherfucker? I looked at the corner of the YouTube screen. This guy was going
to spew for 14:32. It was a real long quarter hour, but I learned a lot.
Such as that only white people can be Christians.
This seemed to be the most important point because the shithead said it many
times. American white people are the best kind of Christians, but not all
American white people are Christians. Jewish American white people are (of
course) not Christians and are therefore evil. Jewish people are intelligent,
but not in a good way. They are wily. Which is why they grow up to be wily
Jew politicians . Although many Jewish people look white, they really
aren’t. It’s not about whether they have white skin. It’s much more complicated
than that. And because Jewish people probably aren’t officially white, they
cannot be the chosen people. Who are the real chosen people, the asshole
asked? I got this one right: real white American Christians.
By contrast, black people are always drunk. (When
I was a kid, I was taught it was Irish people, but there must be some new
science.) Black people are officially people, but God made them stupid so
they’d be happy tending the herds. They’re not smart enough to do agriculture.
That’s due to the drunkenness: they can’t plant the seeds in a straight line.
Because there aren’t that many animals for black people to herd today, they
spend most of their time watching Oprah, collecting welfare, and having many,
many black bastard babies.
Muslim people are all A-rabs, regardless of where
they live. They want to kill the chosen people (the true American white
Christians, not the Jews) because they hate us although they like the things we
have and want to have them, too.
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