start crying all over again. Mom wraps me in her comforting arms, trying to soothe me, but not knowing what is wrong. I finally stop crying long enough to tell her that Troy and I had fought over something stupid, and that I am on some kind of emotional rollercoaster. My mom glances at me then over to Amy and they share a long look. Amy brings out the Wal-Mart bag, and throws it at me. With my elbow firmly planted in her grip, she leads me to the bathroom with instructions to use what’s in the bag, and then meet them back in the living room.
After locking the bathroom door, I open the bag, and what I see shocks me. Why would Amy think I need this? I dump a long box out on the counter, and a pregnancy test stares back at me.
Then it hits me. I haven’t had a period since at least September. How could I not have noticed? The possibility that I am pregnant is very high. If asked what I was feeling in this moment, I’m not sure what my response would be. Talk about emotional rollercoaster! Knowing that the test won’t take itself, I open the box, pee on the stick, and place it back on the counter. After washing my hands, I lean my back against the wall, and slowly slide down to the floor.
Pregnant? How did this happen? Why didn’t we use our brains? Oh, yes, because we are horny idiots. Reflecting back, I realize that Troy and I never once used condoms. I have this urge to beat my head against the wall, but that won’t help anything. What am I going to do? How can I have a baby at eighteen? What do I know about being a mother? Not a damn thing! I bury my face in my hands, and try to avoid the panic that is taking over my brain.
After what feels like hours, but is surely only minutes, I look over at the counter again. It’s not going to come to you. Hoping that my trembling legs will hold me, I push up from the floor, and take hesitant steps towards the test. My eyes find the digital window that holds the key to my future. PREGNANT. It hits me full force as if I have been sucker punched or the wind has been knocked out of me. I AM PREGNANT! Holy Shit! At this point, I realize that I am crying,–ugly crying–and for a moment, I give myself permission to be weak. Breathing deeply in an attempt to calm myself, I pick up that little life-changing stick, and slowly make my way to the living room.
My mom takes one look at my face and doesn’t need to ask what the result is.
“Destiny!” Disappointment comes through her voice, loud and clear. “How could you let this happen? We talked about safe sex enough times”
“I know, Mom. Shit, it’s not like I planned for this to happen,” I cry out.
I toss the test onto the coffee table and throw myself into my mother’s arms. Amy slides closer, and the three of us sit in stunned silence, staring at the test. It is one thing to suspect you’re pregnant, but having proof brings it to a whole new level of reality. I am shocked. I’m pregnant, that I am going to be a mom. I let that thought roll around in my head, and without even realizing it, my hand has drifted down to my stomach in a protective manner. I know I am too young. I know I am not ready for this but the thought of an abortion or someone else raising mine and Troy's child makes me sick. I made the decisions that got me here and I need to own up to them. Hiding my head in the sand is not going to change the reality of the situation. Suddenly, a swarm of love goes through me. I know that, no matter what else happens, I am already in love with this child. My life may have just taken a major detour, I may have to make a lot of changes, and things may not be going as I have planned, but I have no doubt that it will all work out.
“Mom, I am so sorry this happened now, but I am not sorry about this baby. I already love it.”
“I can tell, Sweetie. It was written all over your face as I watched you process everything just now.” She lets out a long sigh as her disappointment changes to resignation. “Trust
After locking the bathroom door, I open the bag, and what I see shocks me. Why would Amy think I need this? I dump a long box out on the counter, and a pregnancy test stares back at me.
Then it hits me. I haven’t had a period since at least September. How could I not have noticed? The possibility that I am pregnant is very high. If asked what I was feeling in this moment, I’m not sure what my response would be. Talk about emotional rollercoaster! Knowing that the test won’t take itself, I open the box, pee on the stick, and place it back on the counter. After washing my hands, I lean my back against the wall, and slowly slide down to the floor.
Pregnant? How did this happen? Why didn’t we use our brains? Oh, yes, because we are horny idiots. Reflecting back, I realize that Troy and I never once used condoms. I have this urge to beat my head against the wall, but that won’t help anything. What am I going to do? How can I have a baby at eighteen? What do I know about being a mother? Not a damn thing! I bury my face in my hands, and try to avoid the panic that is taking over my brain.
After what feels like hours, but is surely only minutes, I look over at the counter again. It’s not going to come to you. Hoping that my trembling legs will hold me, I push up from the floor, and take hesitant steps towards the test. My eyes find the digital window that holds the key to my future. PREGNANT. It hits me full force as if I have been sucker punched or the wind has been knocked out of me. I AM PREGNANT! Holy Shit! At this point, I realize that I am crying,–ugly crying–and for a moment, I give myself permission to be weak. Breathing deeply in an attempt to calm myself, I pick up that little life-changing stick, and slowly make my way to the living room.
My mom takes one look at my face and doesn’t need to ask what the result is.
“Destiny!” Disappointment comes through her voice, loud and clear. “How could you let this happen? We talked about safe sex enough times”
“I know, Mom. Shit, it’s not like I planned for this to happen,” I cry out.
I toss the test onto the coffee table and throw myself into my mother’s arms. Amy slides closer, and the three of us sit in stunned silence, staring at the test. It is one thing to suspect you’re pregnant, but having proof brings it to a whole new level of reality. I am shocked. I’m pregnant, that I am going to be a mom. I let that thought roll around in my head, and without even realizing it, my hand has drifted down to my stomach in a protective manner. I know I am too young. I know I am not ready for this but the thought of an abortion or someone else raising mine and Troy's child makes me sick. I made the decisions that got me here and I need to own up to them. Hiding my head in the sand is not going to change the reality of the situation. Suddenly, a swarm of love goes through me. I know that, no matter what else happens, I am already in love with this child. My life may have just taken a major detour, I may have to make a lot of changes, and things may not be going as I have planned, but I have no doubt that it will all work out.
“Mom, I am so sorry this happened now, but I am not sorry about this baby. I already love it.”
“I can tell, Sweetie. It was written all over your face as I watched you process everything just now.” She lets out a long sigh as her disappointment changes to resignation. “Trust
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