at Joss, now chained securely at the end of the line. Betsy’s eyes sharpened.
“You telling me you didn’t feel like that with him?” Betsy asked softly, watching Lilah’s face with keen knowledge. “You forget, Miss Lilah, I’ve known you since you was a little girl. And I saw how happy and excited you were, changing into something ‘ravishing’ for him. You ain’t ever been like that before or since! All right, he wasn’t the right man for you either, but if you could feel that way about him you could feel that way about another man one day. Don’t just settle for Mr. Kevin ‘cause you think he’s safe! Settling’s for old women and old hens, not for a pretty young lady like you!”
“I’m not settling! And I don’t want to discuss it anymore!”
“All right, bury your head in the sand if you want to! Me, I’ve got work to do!”
With a sniff, Betsy took herself off, leaving Lilah to brood. Secretly she feared that there was more than a grain of truth to what Betsy said. Kevin’s gentlest kiss did nothing more than rouse in her a desire to wipe her mouth. The one he had tried to give her the previous night had brought with it a tide of revulsion so strong that it had made her feel physically ill. She was not a child; she had a fair idea of what the physical side of marriage entailed. She had just never before taken the time to apply that knowledge to herself and Kevin. Could she let him kiss her like that for the rest of her life, or permit him the kind of intimacies married people shared, the exact details of which were a trifle vague in her mind but she knew involved sharing a bed and begetting children? Could she stand his hands on her naked flesh, not just once or twice but night after night after night for the Lord knew how many years? Lilah actually shivered at the thought. But then her mind ran over all the other men who had begged for her hand over the years, and she realized she couldn’t bear the idea of their hands on her either. The only man she’d ever felt the slightest response to was …
She shut her eyes at the shameful image. The only man whose touch she thought she might have been able to bear was at that moment chained in the hold with the rest of the slaves Kevin had bought for Heart’s Ease.
Her heart lightened fractionally as an idea occurred to her. Once she was safely home again at Heart’s Ease, she might speak to her father about freeing Joss. If Kevin was right, he would probably be nothing but trouble, worse than the Africans brought straight from their mother country to work the fields. Leonard Remy refused to have gullahs on the place. Without generations of slavedom behind them to make them docile, gullahs were too unpredictable, he said. They frequently tried to escape, and were capable of stirring up unrest amongst the other slaves with their hankering for freedom.
Her father wouldn’t be hard to convince, she thought, as long as he did not get hold of the idea that she wanted the man freed because she was attracted to him. Which was, of course, an entirely ridiculous idea. She wanted him freed because he was a human being like herself. That that might also apply to Betsy and twenty other slaves at Heart’s Ease she refused to consider. This man had no business being enslaved, and should be set free. Once he had his freedom, he would depart from Heart’s Ease and Barbados and she need never see him again.
The sun had almost disappeared beneath the horizon, and it was getting increasingly colder by the rail. Lilah shivered. Her dress was long-sleeved, but the thin muslin was no protection against the brisk sea wind. Perhaps she should not have been so swift to turn away Amanda’s shawl—but she couldn’t wear it. Not after what her great-aunt had done to Joss. … There he was again, in her thoughts. Did everything have to remind her of him?
X
“T here you are. I was beginning to worry about you. I thought you would be in your cabin by now, but
“You telling me you didn’t feel like that with him?” Betsy asked softly, watching Lilah’s face with keen knowledge. “You forget, Miss Lilah, I’ve known you since you was a little girl. And I saw how happy and excited you were, changing into something ‘ravishing’ for him. You ain’t ever been like that before or since! All right, he wasn’t the right man for you either, but if you could feel that way about him you could feel that way about another man one day. Don’t just settle for Mr. Kevin ‘cause you think he’s safe! Settling’s for old women and old hens, not for a pretty young lady like you!”
“I’m not settling! And I don’t want to discuss it anymore!”
“All right, bury your head in the sand if you want to! Me, I’ve got work to do!”
With a sniff, Betsy took herself off, leaving Lilah to brood. Secretly she feared that there was more than a grain of truth to what Betsy said. Kevin’s gentlest kiss did nothing more than rouse in her a desire to wipe her mouth. The one he had tried to give her the previous night had brought with it a tide of revulsion so strong that it had made her feel physically ill. She was not a child; she had a fair idea of what the physical side of marriage entailed. She had just never before taken the time to apply that knowledge to herself and Kevin. Could she let him kiss her like that for the rest of her life, or permit him the kind of intimacies married people shared, the exact details of which were a trifle vague in her mind but she knew involved sharing a bed and begetting children? Could she stand his hands on her naked flesh, not just once or twice but night after night after night for the Lord knew how many years? Lilah actually shivered at the thought. But then her mind ran over all the other men who had begged for her hand over the years, and she realized she couldn’t bear the idea of their hands on her either. The only man she’d ever felt the slightest response to was …
She shut her eyes at the shameful image. The only man whose touch she thought she might have been able to bear was at that moment chained in the hold with the rest of the slaves Kevin had bought for Heart’s Ease.
Her heart lightened fractionally as an idea occurred to her. Once she was safely home again at Heart’s Ease, she might speak to her father about freeing Joss. If Kevin was right, he would probably be nothing but trouble, worse than the Africans brought straight from their mother country to work the fields. Leonard Remy refused to have gullahs on the place. Without generations of slavedom behind them to make them docile, gullahs were too unpredictable, he said. They frequently tried to escape, and were capable of stirring up unrest amongst the other slaves with their hankering for freedom.
Her father wouldn’t be hard to convince, she thought, as long as he did not get hold of the idea that she wanted the man freed because she was attracted to him. Which was, of course, an entirely ridiculous idea. She wanted him freed because he was a human being like herself. That that might also apply to Betsy and twenty other slaves at Heart’s Ease she refused to consider. This man had no business being enslaved, and should be set free. Once he had his freedom, he would depart from Heart’s Ease and Barbados and she need never see him again.
The sun had almost disappeared beneath the horizon, and it was getting increasingly colder by the rail. Lilah shivered. Her dress was long-sleeved, but the thin muslin was no protection against the brisk sea wind. Perhaps she should not have been so swift to turn away Amanda’s shawl—but she couldn’t wear it. Not after what her great-aunt had done to Joss. … There he was again, in her thoughts. Did everything have to remind her of him?
X
“T here you are. I was beginning to worry about you. I thought you would be in your cabin by now, but
Similar Books
