Defying Death by Cynthia Sax

far fighting
ring for training, a small Erinomean female offspring would be
waiting for us. She’d stick one of her arms through a gap in the
exterior wall, holding out a piece of a nutrition bar.”
    Death pictured the small, shy smile on the
offspring’s red-scaled face, how she had glowed with caring as he
approached her. He remembered the joy that had given him. He’d felt
strong, powerful, special.
    “The child offered you nutrition?”
    “It was her species’ method of greeting unknown
beings.” She hadn’t realized cyborgs weren’t considered beings. The
offspring hadn’t seen him as an unfeeling weapon of war. She’d
viewed him as a male. “We couldn’t accept the pieces of nutrition
bar or acknowledge her. To do so would have meant our deaths.”
    “Because you had to follow orders. You couldn’t act
on your own.”
    “Yes.”
    “Those Humanoid Alliance bastards.”
    His female’s outrage on his behalf warmed his chest.
“The offspring appeared every sunrise, offering us new pieces of
nutrition bars.” It was the highlight of his planet rotation. “She
became more and more frustrated that we didn’t acknowledge
her.”
    Tifara climbed onto his lap and curled up close to
him. “That must have been tough—seeing her lose hope and not being
able to do anything to stop it.”
    “It…saddened me.” It took Death effort to admit
that. He’d spent a lifespan concealing his emotions, ensuring no
one else would ever be damaged by them.
    But they were alone, the ship was a secure location,
and she was his female. He’d attempted to hide his emotions during
their breeding sessions and had failed.
    Death would trust her with this.
    “I was selfish, unable to give up the joy her acts
of kindness gave me.” Shame shrouded his soul. “When I thought I
was unobserved, I smiled at her.”
    “The trainers saw that smile.”
    “No. If they had seen my smile, I would have been
decommissioned.” They would have salvaged his body for parts while
he remained alive, killing him slowly, slice by slice. “But they
saw the offspring’s reaction.” She had laughed, the happiness in
her yellow slit eyes lighting her round face.
    “They killed her?” Tifara placed her hands on his.
Her skin was warm and soft and comforting, allowing him to manage
his emotions.
    “They reprimanded me. I was whipped. They stripped
all of the flesh off my back, until my frame was exposed.” That had
hurt much less than the rest of the reprimand.
    “They punished you for that smile and the next
sunrise, you didn’t acknowledge the little girl.”
    “The next sunrise, we arrived at the fighting ring.
There was a square of nutrition bar in her hand.” A fierce
happiness had filled him. The whipping was worth it, he thought, if
he could continue to see those chubby fingers, her sweet face.
“But—”
    The words stuck in his throat.
    “But?” His female tensed.
    “The arm wasn’t attached to a body.” His voice
broke, the horror of that realization washing over him yet again.
It hadn’t been a clean cut. The wound had been ragged, ligaments
torn, as though they had pulled her arms out of her small form.
    “No.” Tifara whimpered. “They couldn’t have hurt
her. She was a child.”
    “ I hurt her.” He wouldn’t relay the blame. “I
killed her because I couldn’t control my emotions, because I put my
wants above her safety, because I gave my enemies the means with
which to damage me.”
    “You smiled.” She clutched his shoulders, her eyes
shining with sympathy. “You—”
    “I showed them how much I cared.” He wouldn’t allow
her to make excuses for him. “They knew she was my weakness and
killed her to get to me.”
    His enemies could strike at Tifara the same way.
Death’s stomach twisted, the guilt of the past fusing with his fear
for the future.
    No being could ever know how he felt about her.
    He strapped his arms around her, holding her
tight.
    She rested her cheek on his chest. Moments