love someone, you have to be selfless and let them go when it’s the best for them. It didn’t matter that my heart was splitting in two; what mattered was that he would be free to be happy. I had done the right thing.
I cried for what seemed like hours before I crawled to the couch and laid down. I didn’t want to move. Ever. My heart had walked out the door earlier and I couldn’t get it back. He’d always have it.
I heard my phone buzzing on the coffee table. I debated not answering it but, after what had happened last night, I knew Amanda would be checking on me. I’d rather talk to her on the phone than have her come over. I reached over and grabbed it. “Hello?” I tried to make it sound like I hadn’t been crying.
“I’m just checking on you,” Amanda offered as a greeting.
I cleared my throat. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me. Jackson called me. I know you broke up with him.”
“Why would he call you?” I asked.
“He’s worried about you. He sounded awful but he just kept saying that I needed to be there for you and make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m coming over so you better answer the door.”
I rolled over and cleared my throat. “Really, I’m okay. You don’t need to come over.”
“I’m coming over. Bye.” She disconnected before I could object again. A part of me wanted her with me and another part wanted to be alone. In the end, it didn’t matter, though, because she was on her way over.
I got up and took a quick shower. Even thought I had showered last night, I still felt dirty from the hospital and I needed to wash all of my tears off. I felt slightly better when I got out, dressing in some yoga pants and a T-shirt. A few minutes later, Amanda was knocking on my door. As soon as I opened it, she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry. I brought ice cream.”
“Is it from Braum’s?” I asked as I hugged her back.
“Don’t be silly. Of course it’s from Braum’s.” She told me as she released me. “You go sit down and I’ll get us some spoons.”
I sat down on the couch and waited for her. As soon as she came back, we popped the lid on the carton, sticking our spoons in. “Wanna talk or watch TV?” she asked.
“TV.”
“Okay. Let’s pick some really bad reality show.”
“Okay,” I agreed as I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch to curl up in.
After watching a few hours of TV, Amanda turned to me. “So let’s talk. Why’d you break up with him?”
“It’s for his own good. He may not be able to see it now but he’ll thank me one day,” I said before putting a big bite of ice cream in my mouth.
“Please tell me how this is good for either one of you. He sounded awful on the phone.”
I swallowed the ice cream. “Because I’ll never be able to give him a family and one day he’s going to realize how much he wants that. He’ll eventually leave me for Cynthia, who can and is giving him a baby. I love him so much that I know the longer I hang onto the relationship, the harder it’ll be when he leaves. Might as well end it now.”
She threw her spoon down on the table. “I love you. You are my best friend in the world, but you are so dumb. You’re throwing away the best thing that has ever happened to you because you’re hurting and scared. You don’t know that you won’t be able to give him a child. I know several women who’ve had miscarriages and later went on to have multiple babies.”
“Well, I can’t be sure. It’s done anyway. I broke up with him and that’s that.”
“I’m here for you, but for the record, I think this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done,” Amanda said.
I grabbed the remote and turned the volume up. “That’s your opinion.”
She grabbed the remote from my hand. “Oh, no, we’re not through. Want to tell me why Shane was here? You already told me about the drugs, but I didn’t think y’all were going to start hanging out.”
I got
I cried for what seemed like hours before I crawled to the couch and laid down. I didn’t want to move. Ever. My heart had walked out the door earlier and I couldn’t get it back. He’d always have it.
I heard my phone buzzing on the coffee table. I debated not answering it but, after what had happened last night, I knew Amanda would be checking on me. I’d rather talk to her on the phone than have her come over. I reached over and grabbed it. “Hello?” I tried to make it sound like I hadn’t been crying.
“I’m just checking on you,” Amanda offered as a greeting.
I cleared my throat. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me. Jackson called me. I know you broke up with him.”
“Why would he call you?” I asked.
“He’s worried about you. He sounded awful but he just kept saying that I needed to be there for you and make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m coming over so you better answer the door.”
I rolled over and cleared my throat. “Really, I’m okay. You don’t need to come over.”
“I’m coming over. Bye.” She disconnected before I could object again. A part of me wanted her with me and another part wanted to be alone. In the end, it didn’t matter, though, because she was on her way over.
I got up and took a quick shower. Even thought I had showered last night, I still felt dirty from the hospital and I needed to wash all of my tears off. I felt slightly better when I got out, dressing in some yoga pants and a T-shirt. A few minutes later, Amanda was knocking on my door. As soon as I opened it, she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry. I brought ice cream.”
“Is it from Braum’s?” I asked as I hugged her back.
“Don’t be silly. Of course it’s from Braum’s.” She told me as she released me. “You go sit down and I’ll get us some spoons.”
I sat down on the couch and waited for her. As soon as she came back, we popped the lid on the carton, sticking our spoons in. “Wanna talk or watch TV?” she asked.
“TV.”
“Okay. Let’s pick some really bad reality show.”
“Okay,” I agreed as I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch to curl up in.
After watching a few hours of TV, Amanda turned to me. “So let’s talk. Why’d you break up with him?”
“It’s for his own good. He may not be able to see it now but he’ll thank me one day,” I said before putting a big bite of ice cream in my mouth.
“Please tell me how this is good for either one of you. He sounded awful on the phone.”
I swallowed the ice cream. “Because I’ll never be able to give him a family and one day he’s going to realize how much he wants that. He’ll eventually leave me for Cynthia, who can and is giving him a baby. I love him so much that I know the longer I hang onto the relationship, the harder it’ll be when he leaves. Might as well end it now.”
She threw her spoon down on the table. “I love you. You are my best friend in the world, but you are so dumb. You’re throwing away the best thing that has ever happened to you because you’re hurting and scared. You don’t know that you won’t be able to give him a child. I know several women who’ve had miscarriages and later went on to have multiple babies.”
“Well, I can’t be sure. It’s done anyway. I broke up with him and that’s that.”
“I’m here for you, but for the record, I think this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done,” Amanda said.
I grabbed the remote and turned the volume up. “That’s your opinion.”
She grabbed the remote from my hand. “Oh, no, we’re not through. Want to tell me why Shane was here? You already told me about the drugs, but I didn’t think y’all were going to start hanging out.”
I got
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