around me and feel eyes pricking my skin.
“Are you okay ?” Sam asks, looking concerned.
I nod and stand up with the file. “I just want to be alone right now.” She nods and lets me walk past.
Clutching the file to my chest, I head through the dorm, through the bunker and out into the hallway. At this time of night it’s deserted, and I slide down the wall to the floor. In the dim light, I study each page of my file. There are fourteen pages total. I pour over every word.
The first page is a transmission of my mindscan, dated on my sixteenth birthday. My answers to the questions before the mindscan started are the first things listed. My favorite color: midnight blue, my favorite food: chocolate. These words now seem meaningless, immature, like they are part of a life that doesn’t belong to me.
F arther down the page there are little jagged lines that show my heart rate, my brain activity, my breathing, but I don’t know what I’m looking for. The words printed at the bottom of the page stare up at me. The mindscan had no affect on her brain. That seems like a strange way to phrase it. I didn’t think the mindscan was supposed to affect your brain, but rather just see what was in there.
All the results of the tests I completed with Dr. Nolan are there. I scored average on most of them. But my sense of self-preservation is marked as low. That strikes me as odd. It implies that I don’t care about guarding myself from risks. Then I remember all the times I’ve stood bold in the face of danger, refusing to be vulnerable, and I decide that maybe it’s accurate after all.
I see Will’s messy handwriting scrawled unevenly across the pages of notes on my physical tests. Physically weak, but determined to succeed. Sense of drive is high. Acts with courage when faced with challenges, his last entry says. Maybe he knows me better than I know myself.
I also learn that my father’s name was Reid Elway. I whisper it aloud in the hallway, but it sounds foreign on my lips. There are no details of what became of him. Like they could stamp out someone’s whole existence when it didn’t fit in with their plan.
The door to the bunker opens and Sam peeks out, spotting me on the floor. Alex is behind her. She comes and sits down beside me. Alex sits on my other side. No one speaks for the first few minutes. I close the file and place it on my lap. Even though there’s nothing all that interesting, I still have the sense to guard it from their eyes.
“They all acted like I was diseased when they heard the word inconclusive,” I whisper.
“Psshhh,” Sam says. “What the hell do they know?” She reaches over and squeezes my knee. “They’re no different from you or me.”
Sam’s words are laced with confidence, but it does little to convince me. I know I am different. I was starting to see that every day that I stayed here. There is something different about me – my mind – that makes me a target.
Alex takes my hand from my lap and sets it in his, pressing his palm to mine. I have the sense to pull my hand away, but I don’t. I know that them being here means they don’t care about some stupid test result, and for that I’m grateful. I release a sigh and let my head rest against Alex’s shoulder. Though I know I shouldn’t encourage him, in this moment I just don’t care.
After lights out, I’m still too wound up to sleep. And If I am to survive here, I need to strengthen my abilities. I slip out of bed and head down the hall. Though I was timid the first time I stepped inside the gym, now I am sure-footed. Even in the darkness, I walk straight for the weight benches shoved in the corner.
I select two ten pound dumbbells, but they feel too light. I take the fifteens instead. I curl them up, straining on th e first repetition. These will do. I press them over my head. I stand in the darkened gym lifting weights. This is not the life I imagined for myself. I should be in the co-ed school,
“Are you okay ?” Sam asks, looking concerned.
I nod and stand up with the file. “I just want to be alone right now.” She nods and lets me walk past.
Clutching the file to my chest, I head through the dorm, through the bunker and out into the hallway. At this time of night it’s deserted, and I slide down the wall to the floor. In the dim light, I study each page of my file. There are fourteen pages total. I pour over every word.
The first page is a transmission of my mindscan, dated on my sixteenth birthday. My answers to the questions before the mindscan started are the first things listed. My favorite color: midnight blue, my favorite food: chocolate. These words now seem meaningless, immature, like they are part of a life that doesn’t belong to me.
F arther down the page there are little jagged lines that show my heart rate, my brain activity, my breathing, but I don’t know what I’m looking for. The words printed at the bottom of the page stare up at me. The mindscan had no affect on her brain. That seems like a strange way to phrase it. I didn’t think the mindscan was supposed to affect your brain, but rather just see what was in there.
All the results of the tests I completed with Dr. Nolan are there. I scored average on most of them. But my sense of self-preservation is marked as low. That strikes me as odd. It implies that I don’t care about guarding myself from risks. Then I remember all the times I’ve stood bold in the face of danger, refusing to be vulnerable, and I decide that maybe it’s accurate after all.
I see Will’s messy handwriting scrawled unevenly across the pages of notes on my physical tests. Physically weak, but determined to succeed. Sense of drive is high. Acts with courage when faced with challenges, his last entry says. Maybe he knows me better than I know myself.
I also learn that my father’s name was Reid Elway. I whisper it aloud in the hallway, but it sounds foreign on my lips. There are no details of what became of him. Like they could stamp out someone’s whole existence when it didn’t fit in with their plan.
The door to the bunker opens and Sam peeks out, spotting me on the floor. Alex is behind her. She comes and sits down beside me. Alex sits on my other side. No one speaks for the first few minutes. I close the file and place it on my lap. Even though there’s nothing all that interesting, I still have the sense to guard it from their eyes.
“They all acted like I was diseased when they heard the word inconclusive,” I whisper.
“Psshhh,” Sam says. “What the hell do they know?” She reaches over and squeezes my knee. “They’re no different from you or me.”
Sam’s words are laced with confidence, but it does little to convince me. I know I am different. I was starting to see that every day that I stayed here. There is something different about me – my mind – that makes me a target.
Alex takes my hand from my lap and sets it in his, pressing his palm to mine. I have the sense to pull my hand away, but I don’t. I know that them being here means they don’t care about some stupid test result, and for that I’m grateful. I release a sigh and let my head rest against Alex’s shoulder. Though I know I shouldn’t encourage him, in this moment I just don’t care.
After lights out, I’m still too wound up to sleep. And If I am to survive here, I need to strengthen my abilities. I slip out of bed and head down the hall. Though I was timid the first time I stepped inside the gym, now I am sure-footed. Even in the darkness, I walk straight for the weight benches shoved in the corner.
I select two ten pound dumbbells, but they feel too light. I take the fifteens instead. I curl them up, straining on th e first repetition. These will do. I press them over my head. I stand in the darkened gym lifting weights. This is not the life I imagined for myself. I should be in the co-ed school,
Similar Books
