said we will go to church like always. It's me who asked and everyone stared like Satan himself was in my skin. I said, "Are we going to church?" Just like that. And they paused down to the littlest.
"Well, what?" I said.
And Dad said we were going. "And you're welcomed too, Shaun."
And Shaun said, "God hates me."
And Maman clicked her tongue, but she did not argue.
First thing I see when Dad drives the truck into the lot beside the church is Sobe standing with a group of men, one being the sheriff. She sees me right off sitting along the bench in the back of the truck, Joseph and Ebbie beside me, and the do-re-mi-and-what-have-youse facing us on the bench on the other side. They have been singing the whole long way.
Pee-Wee is in the cab with the big people, but he's been poking his face between Mom and Granma's nests of hair and knocking on the window, flattening his hands like deadly spiders that are trying to get me. It's his favorite game.
But now my heart is thudding at the very sight of Sobe in a white dress and a red rose pinned on her shoulder and the tails of a blue shawl draped over each arm, and she plays with the fringe, and she talks to others, but her eyes are on me.
So I wait for the others to get out and by that time even Granma is out of the cab. I jump from the truck and pick Pee-Wee up with one arm, and he holds to my hand with both of his spiders and straddles my back like a monkey, and we walk over to Sobe and her father.
Three of my cousins talk to Sheriff about the robbery and all at once. Sheriff had talked to our neighbors last night and so it went farm to farm and where it didn't go it is going now—trouble at the Clannan's.
And Sobe goes up on her toes. She's peeking at Pee-Wee, and he's playing along because he grows up with all the girls and he knows how to keep their attention.
She is lovely, but there are blue shadows under her eyes. It makes me swallow when I mean to say, 'Hello Sobe.'
"He's so cute," Sobe says about Pee-Wee.
He grips my shoulders and laughs against my back. He knows she's a pretty girl, and he's goofy from it.
She reaches and takes Pee-Wee's hand. "You're a handsome fellow," she says to him, but she looks at me and maybe she means it for both of us.
"It's so terrible what happened to that young man. How is your family?" she says.
I look around me. They are everywhere, my family. "Fine," I say like what does she think?
Sheriff is done talking about the robbery for a minute and he looks at me and says, "Young man."
He does not shake my hand this morning, and it is fine by me.
"Can you sit with us?" Sobe says. "Elsie is going to."
Well, I am not part of the gaggle. And her father studies me like he does, but he does not echo the invitation, not that I need it. Well, it would help. Not that I need that either. I just don't want to be like Elsie in her mind. But my cousins are eying me because she knows me and maybe they see she dotes on me, she does. She hasn't asked them to sit with her. At least, I haven't heard of it.
"I…," I say.
"It's all right," she says. "Of course, you sit with your family."
"How is the widow? Olmstead?" I ask her cause Sheriff is shaking someone else's hand, and so we can speak without his gawking.
"Did he tell you about that?" she says looking briefly at her dad.
"You didn't come with him…last night."
"Did you want me to Tonio?"
I look around. The others might have heard that. Patrick and Michael are looking at me. "Well, I…," I did want her to come along last night. I was looking for her, sure.
"Dad didn't tell me what it was about. I would have come, Tonio."
"You shouldn't come around trouble. He's the sheriff, not you."
"But you looked for me?" she says with a giggle.
I look again. Yes, they are listening. "Yes," I say. Then, "You don't like to be alone."
That makes the smile melt off her face.
"What?" I say.
"Are you making fun of me?"
"You like to be alone? What?"
Pee-Wee slaps on my cheeks, and I grab
"Well, what?" I said.
And Dad said we were going. "And you're welcomed too, Shaun."
And Shaun said, "God hates me."
And Maman clicked her tongue, but she did not argue.
First thing I see when Dad drives the truck into the lot beside the church is Sobe standing with a group of men, one being the sheriff. She sees me right off sitting along the bench in the back of the truck, Joseph and Ebbie beside me, and the do-re-mi-and-what-have-youse facing us on the bench on the other side. They have been singing the whole long way.
Pee-Wee is in the cab with the big people, but he's been poking his face between Mom and Granma's nests of hair and knocking on the window, flattening his hands like deadly spiders that are trying to get me. It's his favorite game.
But now my heart is thudding at the very sight of Sobe in a white dress and a red rose pinned on her shoulder and the tails of a blue shawl draped over each arm, and she plays with the fringe, and she talks to others, but her eyes are on me.
So I wait for the others to get out and by that time even Granma is out of the cab. I jump from the truck and pick Pee-Wee up with one arm, and he holds to my hand with both of his spiders and straddles my back like a monkey, and we walk over to Sobe and her father.
Three of my cousins talk to Sheriff about the robbery and all at once. Sheriff had talked to our neighbors last night and so it went farm to farm and where it didn't go it is going now—trouble at the Clannan's.
And Sobe goes up on her toes. She's peeking at Pee-Wee, and he's playing along because he grows up with all the girls and he knows how to keep their attention.
She is lovely, but there are blue shadows under her eyes. It makes me swallow when I mean to say, 'Hello Sobe.'
"He's so cute," Sobe says about Pee-Wee.
He grips my shoulders and laughs against my back. He knows she's a pretty girl, and he's goofy from it.
She reaches and takes Pee-Wee's hand. "You're a handsome fellow," she says to him, but she looks at me and maybe she means it for both of us.
"It's so terrible what happened to that young man. How is your family?" she says.
I look around me. They are everywhere, my family. "Fine," I say like what does she think?
Sheriff is done talking about the robbery for a minute and he looks at me and says, "Young man."
He does not shake my hand this morning, and it is fine by me.
"Can you sit with us?" Sobe says. "Elsie is going to."
Well, I am not part of the gaggle. And her father studies me like he does, but he does not echo the invitation, not that I need it. Well, it would help. Not that I need that either. I just don't want to be like Elsie in her mind. But my cousins are eying me because she knows me and maybe they see she dotes on me, she does. She hasn't asked them to sit with her. At least, I haven't heard of it.
"I…," I say.
"It's all right," she says. "Of course, you sit with your family."
"How is the widow? Olmstead?" I ask her cause Sheriff is shaking someone else's hand, and so we can speak without his gawking.
"Did he tell you about that?" she says looking briefly at her dad.
"You didn't come with him…last night."
"Did you want me to Tonio?"
I look around. The others might have heard that. Patrick and Michael are looking at me. "Well, I…," I did want her to come along last night. I was looking for her, sure.
"Dad didn't tell me what it was about. I would have come, Tonio."
"You shouldn't come around trouble. He's the sheriff, not you."
"But you looked for me?" she says with a giggle.
I look again. Yes, they are listening. "Yes," I say. Then, "You don't like to be alone."
That makes the smile melt off her face.
"What?" I say.
"Are you making fun of me?"
"You like to be alone? What?"
Pee-Wee slaps on my cheeks, and I grab
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