Dear Lover by David Deida Page B

feeling, offering him your feedback, your love, and your responsive heart’s spontaneous expression of pleasure and pain. A really good man will embrace all the feedback and feeling you have offered him, consider everything you have shown him, and then, claiming your heart deeply, he will decide where his train is going, with you or without you. And you want it that way.
    You don’t want a man who adapts his direction to where you say you want to go. What good is he then? You might as well navigate your owndirection if your man changes his path to follow what you tell him. You want to feel and be able to respect his wisdom.
    A dependent woman is willing to lose her own strength of direction for the sake of keeping her man’s affections and staying on his train, even if she doesn’t fully trust her man’s spiritual and sexual wisdom. An independent woman insists on equality in the guidance of their shared train, or chooses to guide her own train, which is smart if she doesn’t trust her man’s capacity to open her spiritually and sexually more than she can open herself.
    But a woman ready for opening deeply in two-bodied devotion won’t settle for less. She has matured to know the sublime pleasure of surrendering open to be lived as the untamed force of love, so she chooses a man whose command takes her deeper and beyond where she even trusted was possible.
    A deep relationship of intimate communion takes you more open than you could go on your own. If your man isn’t capable of commanding you open in blissful and ever-deepening surrender, why did you choose him? Is there a part of you—perhaps a subconscious part—that chose him so that you wouldn’t have to surrender open in total trust? Is it possible that part of you is afraid to open your heart without protection, so you have attracted and chosen a man whose fear taints his command, justifying your mistrust and closure?
    Do you trust your own heart’s deepest yearning?
    If you are genuinely ready to open as unbound love and your man is truly unwilling to grow, then you may have to leave him. If his commitment to growing in spiritual and sexual command is inadequate for your heart to trust, then you may need to move forward without him. Keep your heart open while you suffer the him-shaped void of aloneness until your devotion deepens enough to attract and choose a trustworthy man.
    If you really want to surrender open in two-bodied devotional trust, then choose and stay with a man whose train is already going deeper and further than you can open yourself.
    Choose a man who takes you open more deeply than you have been so far able to take yourself. But also choose a man who takes you deeper than you would go by taking turns navigating, him expecting that you will take charge half the time. A deep man of integrity takes your heart into his heart as he navigates, fine-tuning his actions while feeling your heart’s response, always valuing your feedback. But his navigation is not relinquished or weakened by your feedback or anyone’s.
    Feeling from his heart outward to all, taking all hearts into account, his actions emerge spontaneously from love’s depth, uncurtailed by hesitancy. As he acts, he continually feels your heart and all hearts, fine-tuning every action for the sake of all. You can feel his profound commitment to love and his unconstrained offering of his deepest gifts, so you can relax open and offer your heart’s deepest gifts. His love-borne command allows your love-borne surrender as well as your fully given feedback.
    He offers you his deepest gift by persistently taking you beyond your heart’s boundaries into love’s fullest surrender and expression. He’s opening to God now, with you or without you—and he acknowledges that both of you open more fully as a two-bodied train than alone. Embracing your heart and feeling your exquisite responses, he corrects his errors as he goes without collapsing, his strength of navigation and respect of