Edie. It’s the only way I’ll know. I have to talk to her while she’s still alive.” He squeezed my hands back then let go, reaching into the closet behind him for his suit pants.
“Talk to her about what?” I asked, but I already knew, watching him dress. “You’re going down there as him. To talk to her.”
He nodded and began thumbing his belt through loops.
“Then … what?”
“If I can figure out his game—”
I started shaking my head before I butted in. “I don’t want you to go. You can’t just leave me here.”
“It’s the only way I can protect you.”
“No. No no no.” I hadn’t wanted to come on this ship in the first place, and I was pregnant by accident—this was going to get to be my choice, this one thing, decided on by me. He could not leave.
But he was already laying his tie across his shoulders.
“So you’re going to go down there? And do what, precisely? Comfort her? Doing an impression of her husband?”
“No. I’m going to ask her what she knows. He’s here himself, Edie. There’s some way he’s not getting ill. Maybe she knows how.”
“While she’s delirious and you’re pretending to be related to her?” He ignored me and pulled on his suit jacket. Anger and impotence stirred in my stomach to make a nauseating brew.
“Is this what you miss about being what you were?” I asked. His hands paused over his tie, and I pressed. “All the hanging out with people that you want to push overboard?”
He finished knotting his tie, pulling the tail through with finality. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I need you here.”
“Edie, I’m doing this to save you.”
“Then I don’t want to be saved.”
He looked at me, his eyes full of sadness, and then his face settled into the shape of someone new: Nathaniel from years ago, back when Asher had still had his powers. More stern than the man we’d eaten dinner with last night. A stronger jaw, a more aquiline nose. I didn’t think he realized it, the way the lips he wore sneered down at me. “You don’t mean that. And I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you.”
Listening to his words come out of someone else’s mouth—only years of attempting to seem unflappable as a nurse saved me from jumping back.
I shook my head again involuntarily, trying to negate everything that’d happened this morning—his shitty plan, this conversation, this trip, all the things I’d found out that I hadn’t wanted to know. If I kept shaking, maybe I could rewind back to the part where everything was simple again.
“Edie, I wanted to believe he was on vacation here,” Asher tried to explain. “More than anything else in the world. I wanted to believe that he could change.”
“Because if he could, you could too,” I said. Accusing him. Trying to guilt him into staying.
“I have changed. You know it.” He sank down beside me on the bed. “You do, don’t you?”
Of course I do, I wanted to say, while being aware it made me sound like one of those hopeless women who fell for serial killers in prison. But if I said yes, then he’d leave me. Although looking into his eyes, even if they weren’t the ones I was familiar with, I could tell that if I lied and didn’t say yes, I’d break his heart.
“I do.”
He swallowed and stood. “Good. I love you—and I’m sorry. I may not have much time. I have to hurry.”
Eyes that weren’t the ones I loved blinked drily, and he shook his head before speaking with another man’s voice. “I’ll be back. Just give me twenty-four hours to see this thing through. She may not talk at first, but if she does I’ll figure out a way. Order a ton of room service now; you might not get the chance later if it spreads. Choose things that won’t go bad.”
“I’m not okay with this.”
“Just stay inside the room until I get back,” Nathaniel’s voice commanded. He leaned in to kiss me again, and this time I jerked away from him, unused to the
“Talk to her about what?” I asked, but I already knew, watching him dress. “You’re going down there as him. To talk to her.”
He nodded and began thumbing his belt through loops.
“Then … what?”
“If I can figure out his game—”
I started shaking my head before I butted in. “I don’t want you to go. You can’t just leave me here.”
“It’s the only way I can protect you.”
“No. No no no.” I hadn’t wanted to come on this ship in the first place, and I was pregnant by accident—this was going to get to be my choice, this one thing, decided on by me. He could not leave.
But he was already laying his tie across his shoulders.
“So you’re going to go down there? And do what, precisely? Comfort her? Doing an impression of her husband?”
“No. I’m going to ask her what she knows. He’s here himself, Edie. There’s some way he’s not getting ill. Maybe she knows how.”
“While she’s delirious and you’re pretending to be related to her?” He ignored me and pulled on his suit jacket. Anger and impotence stirred in my stomach to make a nauseating brew.
“Is this what you miss about being what you were?” I asked. His hands paused over his tie, and I pressed. “All the hanging out with people that you want to push overboard?”
He finished knotting his tie, pulling the tail through with finality. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I need you here.”
“Edie, I’m doing this to save you.”
“Then I don’t want to be saved.”
He looked at me, his eyes full of sadness, and then his face settled into the shape of someone new: Nathaniel from years ago, back when Asher had still had his powers. More stern than the man we’d eaten dinner with last night. A stronger jaw, a more aquiline nose. I didn’t think he realized it, the way the lips he wore sneered down at me. “You don’t mean that. And I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you.”
Listening to his words come out of someone else’s mouth—only years of attempting to seem unflappable as a nurse saved me from jumping back.
I shook my head again involuntarily, trying to negate everything that’d happened this morning—his shitty plan, this conversation, this trip, all the things I’d found out that I hadn’t wanted to know. If I kept shaking, maybe I could rewind back to the part where everything was simple again.
“Edie, I wanted to believe he was on vacation here,” Asher tried to explain. “More than anything else in the world. I wanted to believe that he could change.”
“Because if he could, you could too,” I said. Accusing him. Trying to guilt him into staying.
“I have changed. You know it.” He sank down beside me on the bed. “You do, don’t you?”
Of course I do, I wanted to say, while being aware it made me sound like one of those hopeless women who fell for serial killers in prison. But if I said yes, then he’d leave me. Although looking into his eyes, even if they weren’t the ones I was familiar with, I could tell that if I lied and didn’t say yes, I’d break his heart.
“I do.”
He swallowed and stood. “Good. I love you—and I’m sorry. I may not have much time. I have to hurry.”
Eyes that weren’t the ones I loved blinked drily, and he shook his head before speaking with another man’s voice. “I’ll be back. Just give me twenty-four hours to see this thing through. She may not talk at first, but if she does I’ll figure out a way. Order a ton of room service now; you might not get the chance later if it spreads. Choose things that won’t go bad.”
“I’m not okay with this.”
“Just stay inside the room until I get back,” Nathaniel’s voice commanded. He leaned in to kiss me again, and this time I jerked away from him, unused to the
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