for two whole years. I closed my eyes briefly and Reese was there. He caressed my cheek and whispered in my ear that everything was going to be okay because he was home waiting for me. I took a small breath and opened my eyes. I held out my hand in an offer to shake. It was the best I could do for now. Connor awkwardly shook it and smiled. Even his smile wasn't attractive. It was overly toothy and way too eager.
“I'll see you in two weeks,” I forced myself to say. I turned around just as the door opened. My flatfoot escort was standing right at the door as if he hadn't moved the entire time I was inside. He probably hadn't. I forced my chin up again in that same 'I am doing this because I choose to, not because you are forcing me to' stubborn facade and marched out the door. This time, the flatfoot quickened his steps behind me as I headed for the exit to the tram.
The ride back to my division was thankfully projector-free, the only sound being the rumble of the tram. The flatfoot said nothing. My fingers clasped the metal rail as if it were a lifeline while the tram was moving and my mind was on anything but Connor. He was exactly as I feared; plain, uninteresting, no one I could ever see myself growing to love. Did I really feel nothing for him at all or had I pushed him away on purpose? I frowned with displeasure as that unwanted thought poked intrusively at my mind. It was a fruitless question because the more I unwillingly pondered it, the more I realized that it wasn't about hating Connor, it was simply a combination of my heart belonging to someone else and being opposed to what Connor represented that set him up to be doomed to mean nothing to me.
I shouldn't let myself get discouraged. My whole life I have known that I would be forced to marry at eighteen to a mate that our governments genetic matching system paired me with, but I also woke up this morning knowing all of us in The Complex were sealed from an unlivable outside world, knowing my feelings for Reese would forever go unrequited and knowing that my father was nothing more than a simple man who loved my mom and I and worked in the artificial gardens. I didn't know what my dad was involved in yet or what he was going to tell me, but I now knew that no supposed facts in life were as solid and unyielding as I was lead to believe.
The flatfoot was quick on his feet as we exited the tram. I paused for a moment and bent over as my stomach churned, but thankfully the moment of nausea passed and I hurried after him. He nodded curtly to me as we approached the door to my barracks and then turned and walked away. I was quite glad to see him go. A shiver ran through my body that I had unintentionally been holding in for quite a while. I felt dirty. I wanted this dress off of me. Connor had eyed it just like I feared he would. I wanted to douse myself in bathing powder and scrub my skin with my body brush until it turned red. I was tainted.
I couldn't go inside just yet. What if Reese was around the corner? What if he had spent the whole evening just as sickened as I was at the thought of Connor's eyes on me and his hands wanting to touch me?
STOP IT. You're holding on to a fantasy. Reese kissed you because you thought you were dying. He was proving to you that you weren't. He was helping you. Stop trying to turn it into more than that.
But, what if it was more than that? What if my panic attack was only an excuse and Reese had been waiting for a chance to show me how he felt?
Big things were happening. I was just forced to meet my mate. My dad was involved in something secret, maybe something bad. Either way, it was dangerous and scary. There was a little girl loose in The Complex that I wanted – needed – to know more about. Yet, my mind
“I'll see you in two weeks,” I forced myself to say. I turned around just as the door opened. My flatfoot escort was standing right at the door as if he hadn't moved the entire time I was inside. He probably hadn't. I forced my chin up again in that same 'I am doing this because I choose to, not because you are forcing me to' stubborn facade and marched out the door. This time, the flatfoot quickened his steps behind me as I headed for the exit to the tram.
The ride back to my division was thankfully projector-free, the only sound being the rumble of the tram. The flatfoot said nothing. My fingers clasped the metal rail as if it were a lifeline while the tram was moving and my mind was on anything but Connor. He was exactly as I feared; plain, uninteresting, no one I could ever see myself growing to love. Did I really feel nothing for him at all or had I pushed him away on purpose? I frowned with displeasure as that unwanted thought poked intrusively at my mind. It was a fruitless question because the more I unwillingly pondered it, the more I realized that it wasn't about hating Connor, it was simply a combination of my heart belonging to someone else and being opposed to what Connor represented that set him up to be doomed to mean nothing to me.
I shouldn't let myself get discouraged. My whole life I have known that I would be forced to marry at eighteen to a mate that our governments genetic matching system paired me with, but I also woke up this morning knowing all of us in The Complex were sealed from an unlivable outside world, knowing my feelings for Reese would forever go unrequited and knowing that my father was nothing more than a simple man who loved my mom and I and worked in the artificial gardens. I didn't know what my dad was involved in yet or what he was going to tell me, but I now knew that no supposed facts in life were as solid and unyielding as I was lead to believe.
The flatfoot was quick on his feet as we exited the tram. I paused for a moment and bent over as my stomach churned, but thankfully the moment of nausea passed and I hurried after him. He nodded curtly to me as we approached the door to my barracks and then turned and walked away. I was quite glad to see him go. A shiver ran through my body that I had unintentionally been holding in for quite a while. I felt dirty. I wanted this dress off of me. Connor had eyed it just like I feared he would. I wanted to douse myself in bathing powder and scrub my skin with my body brush until it turned red. I was tainted.
I couldn't go inside just yet. What if Reese was around the corner? What if he had spent the whole evening just as sickened as I was at the thought of Connor's eyes on me and his hands wanting to touch me?
STOP IT. You're holding on to a fantasy. Reese kissed you because you thought you were dying. He was proving to you that you weren't. He was helping you. Stop trying to turn it into more than that.
But, what if it was more than that? What if my panic attack was only an excuse and Reese had been waiting for a chance to show me how he felt?
Big things were happening. I was just forced to meet my mate. My dad was involved in something secret, maybe something bad. Either way, it was dangerous and scary. There was a little girl loose in The Complex that I wanted – needed – to know more about. Yet, my mind
Similar Books
