Chapter 1
Jacob stood up and slowly walked to the fireplace. With his back to Vivienne, he stared into the flames. He looked so alone, making her want to go to him, but she didn’t know how. All that he’d told her made sense.
The fear that he might damage her caused Jacob to withdraw. He didn’t want to hurt Vivienne, and had tried to convince her that, deep in his soul, he was bad. Pent-up rage ruled his life and prohibited him from embracing love.
The silence unnerved Vivienne. For a while, Jacob had opened up to her, and told her about what had tormented him for so long. That should have brought them together, but instead it had pushed him away.
Looking out for Vivienne, protecting her, had prohibited Jacob from drawing closer. Now he stood alone by the fire, in a world of his own. She wasn’t certain that she could reach him, or break through his conviction that she should stay away.
Yet looking at Jacob only made her love him more. He was handsome and desirable, his darkness not a detraction at all. Instead, knowing the agony he harbored allowed Vivienne to understand him, if only a little more.
Jacob was physically and emotionally strong. He had to be, in order to live with what simmered inside him. Since childhood he had fought the demons alone, but now he had Vivienne. He just didn’t realize it.
After all they’d shared, Jacob remained determined to save her from personal ruin, which would surely result from staying with him. He would sacrifice himself, his own happiness, for hers. Such kindness touched Vivienne, confirming what she already knew. He was a good man, despite his objections to the contrary.
Too much of what Jacob did, too many of his actions, revealed that his heart was in the right place. Vivienne had fallen for him from the start, and not without cause. It was true that he was swoon-worthy, and would easily have caught the eye of any woman.
But it hadn’t been only that. Even when Jacob had been rude, or impossible to deal with, Vivienne had seen another side to him. There was the man who assisted in charitable causes, treasured his family, and put Vivienne’s interests before his own.
There was no way Vivienne could be convinced that he was all bad, even though she could see why he thought so. It was a lie; he had been deceived by a man who was determined to convince him of it: his own father.
The twisted mess that had resulted from his father’s deception, his evil intent, was not easily undone. After a lifetime of living with the consequences of his mistreatment, Jacob couldn’t shed the untruths. Yet Vivienne knew he wasn’t anything like his abusive father.
There was no question that Jacob wouldn’t intentionally harm her, or that he wouldn’t use all of his will to keep her away from the rage threatening to explode inside him. Yet he couldn’t conceive of that. Instead, he clung to the barrier he had erected between them.
Jacob had a wall around his heart, but it wasn’t to keep him from heartbreak. It was for her protection. And Vivienne struggled for a way to break through that impenetrable wall. She had hoped that her love would be enough, that it would melt away any resistance, and open the door to their future together.
Yet it wasn’t going to be that simple. Vivienne wrung her hands, her frustration and the unfairness of it all tormenting her. She was in an awkward position: loving Jacob with all her heart, while fearing his irrational rejection of a romantic relationship.
So far Vivienne had been satisfied with what they had together. She had been patient, willing to wait until Jacob was ready. But now the picture had shifted. Life had altered, and wouldn’t return to how it had been before.
The evening had begun with such intimacy, and Vivienne had been excited at the prospect of wearing the crotch rope. Jacob’s request had been a thrill, offering yet another experience that pushed her boundaries. And it had done so.
All would have been well, had
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