as their own. Heâd been very lucky.
She put her other hand over his, and gave it another squeeze, to tell him that she was here now. Mumâs here.
He smiled, and said that everything had worked out in the end. In a way, it was better. Now he had two mums.
She pulled her hands away slowly.
He watched her hands leave, and asked if everything was all right. Did he say the wrong thing? She said she was just going to pick up her biscuit, thatâs all. He laughed.
She didnât.
Then he picked up his iPad and pulled his seat next to hers. âSo,â he said. âHow dâyou fancy seeing your grandkids?â
She took a bite of her biscuit and nodded with a shrug.
He swiped through pictures of her grandchildren, pictures of them when they were babies, then when they grew into toddlers, then into teenagers.
She thought about how much it had cost for the plane tickets.
And the cost of the private investigators, including the ones that failed. And then there was the cost of the taxi from the airport because her son refused to pick her up.
Add them together and youâre easily talking about £2,000.
About the same price as that jacket.
I HAVE SOME PICTURES
Hiya.
How are you enjoying the book so far? Thanks for getting it, I really appreciate it. In return, Iâd like to do something for you. A favour.
You see, I have some pictures. Some rather compromising pictures that have come into my possession. Pictures of an adult, taken secretly and without consent, with the sole intention of causing the person embarrassment.
Pictures of you.
Now, I wonât say whatâs in these pictures, I donât want to cause you any further discomfort, but I think you know what. Without spelling it out, itâs that thing you sometimes do. OK, Iâll leave it there, I think you know what I mean. I just want to move on to what comes next and how we can tackle this.
As I said, the pictures have come into my possession; I was not the person who took them. But I know the person who did. He is a disturbed and very damaged individual, but heâs a professional. In short, this is what he does to pay the rent. All he wants out of this is cash. A lot.
Fortunately for you, me and this guy go back. Weâre by no means friends, but we do go back, and this person owes me. So I managed to cut you a deal.
Heâs asking for £100.
Itâs a fraction of what you would have to pay if I wasnât here, but I understand if itâs still a bit steep. Which is why Iâm going to pay most of it myself, to thank you for getting my book.
So all I need from you now is a tenner.
A tenner and this guy is gone.
Just hand it to me if you see me out and about, youâll recognise me from the picture on the cover sleeve. No need to stop and chat.
Anyway, enjoy the rest of the book, and I hope to see you soon.
All the best,
Limmy
WHY I DONâT COME HERE
Romy fancied some lunch, she was starving. She stood on the pavement, looking at the cafe across the road, before looking up the hill to her left. She wasnât sure where to go. The place she usually went to was a fifteen-minute walk up the hill, but she really couldnât be fucked with that, she wanted something now. But the cafe across the road, she didnât fancy that either. It was an all-right-looking place, but there was something about it she didnât like. Itâs not like sheâd had a bad experience in there, she was pretty sure sheâd never been in, but maybe that was it: it was unfamiliar. She stood for almost a minute, looking between the cafe and the hill, the hill and the cafe. Eventually she sighed and crossed the road to the cafe. She didnât want to, but she really was starving.
When she got in, she realised the place wasnât that unfamiliar at all. It was quite familiar, in fact. It had a homely feel to it, with its worn-down wooden tables and wine-bottle candlestick holders. She liked that look,
She put her other hand over his, and gave it another squeeze, to tell him that she was here now. Mumâs here.
He smiled, and said that everything had worked out in the end. In a way, it was better. Now he had two mums.
She pulled her hands away slowly.
He watched her hands leave, and asked if everything was all right. Did he say the wrong thing? She said she was just going to pick up her biscuit, thatâs all. He laughed.
She didnât.
Then he picked up his iPad and pulled his seat next to hers. âSo,â he said. âHow dâyou fancy seeing your grandkids?â
She took a bite of her biscuit and nodded with a shrug.
He swiped through pictures of her grandchildren, pictures of them when they were babies, then when they grew into toddlers, then into teenagers.
She thought about how much it had cost for the plane tickets.
And the cost of the private investigators, including the ones that failed. And then there was the cost of the taxi from the airport because her son refused to pick her up.
Add them together and youâre easily talking about £2,000.
About the same price as that jacket.
I HAVE SOME PICTURES
Hiya.
How are you enjoying the book so far? Thanks for getting it, I really appreciate it. In return, Iâd like to do something for you. A favour.
You see, I have some pictures. Some rather compromising pictures that have come into my possession. Pictures of an adult, taken secretly and without consent, with the sole intention of causing the person embarrassment.
Pictures of you.
Now, I wonât say whatâs in these pictures, I donât want to cause you any further discomfort, but I think you know what. Without spelling it out, itâs that thing you sometimes do. OK, Iâll leave it there, I think you know what I mean. I just want to move on to what comes next and how we can tackle this.
As I said, the pictures have come into my possession; I was not the person who took them. But I know the person who did. He is a disturbed and very damaged individual, but heâs a professional. In short, this is what he does to pay the rent. All he wants out of this is cash. A lot.
Fortunately for you, me and this guy go back. Weâre by no means friends, but we do go back, and this person owes me. So I managed to cut you a deal.
Heâs asking for £100.
Itâs a fraction of what you would have to pay if I wasnât here, but I understand if itâs still a bit steep. Which is why Iâm going to pay most of it myself, to thank you for getting my book.
So all I need from you now is a tenner.
A tenner and this guy is gone.
Just hand it to me if you see me out and about, youâll recognise me from the picture on the cover sleeve. No need to stop and chat.
Anyway, enjoy the rest of the book, and I hope to see you soon.
All the best,
Limmy
WHY I DONâT COME HERE
Romy fancied some lunch, she was starving. She stood on the pavement, looking at the cafe across the road, before looking up the hill to her left. She wasnât sure where to go. The place she usually went to was a fifteen-minute walk up the hill, but she really couldnât be fucked with that, she wanted something now. But the cafe across the road, she didnât fancy that either. It was an all-right-looking place, but there was something about it she didnât like. Itâs not like sheâd had a bad experience in there, she was pretty sure sheâd never been in, but maybe that was it: it was unfamiliar. She stood for almost a minute, looking between the cafe and the hill, the hill and the cafe. Eventually she sighed and crossed the road to the cafe. She didnât want to, but she really was starving.
When she got in, she realised the place wasnât that unfamiliar at all. It was quite familiar, in fact. It had a homely feel to it, with its worn-down wooden tables and wine-bottle candlestick holders. She liked that look,
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