didn’t want him to be any
more disappointed than I already knew he must be in me. I was
disappointed in me, I stole from him. I had every intention of
making sure he got back everything I had taken, but I wasn’t ready
or able to do it this soon.
I didn’t want to be here… I wished I could
have spent the night in the cemetery. It felt good to cry, it felt
good to be close to them, and I wanted that again, I needed
that.
“Come on,” he pulled me from the elevator
and walked me to the door of the room. I don’t remember ever being
in a place like this.
He opened the door and pulled me inside. He
was holding onto me tightly, almost painfully, but if he let go I
was sure I would crumble, break into a million pieces.
When his grip loosened I held tighter,
afraid. Afraid to look at him, afraid to see the anger or hurt I
may have caused him, afraid he would see me…. the me that was held
so tightly together by years of fear, that I would disappoint or be
a burden, or be seen, or…
“Come on Tara,” Cyrus took me into the
bathroom and started the bath and then leaned against the counter
holding me.
“Okay you need to get in there. I’m gonna
run down to the Jeep to grab my bag and yours, then right back. I
can’t believe I fucking forgot them,” he let out an uneasy breath,
“Don’t you leave Tara, I will fucking find you again. I promised to
help you, now you have to let me.”
I shook my head yes afraid if I spoke I
would cry again and if I cried…I couldn’t cry. He grabbed me and
held me again before he left.
Now I could cry, now I could for a couple
minutes anyway.
I was in the tub when he burst through the
door. He closed his eyes tightly and his hands fisted at his
side.
With his eyes still closed he breathed out,
“Thank you.”
I washed my face hoping he wouldn’t see the
tears.
“I’m not gonna look at you Birdie okay? But
I’m not gonna leave you either .”
I still couldn’t answer him, I still
couldn’t talk. I finished my bath and started to stand. Cyrus
turned around his eyes still closed and handed me a towel.
I was wrapped and finally cleared my throat,
“Can I have my bag?”
“Yes, yes of course you can,” he walked out
the door leaving it open and grabbed my bag.
“Thank you,” I said as I opened the bag
searching I grabbed the money, “Um, Cyrus I’m sorry about this but
here is what’s left, I will ..I spent forty three dollars. I
promise…”
“It’s all good Birdie, do you have clothes,
do you need…”
“No, I have one sweatshirt, two…oh, oh God…
I’m sorry…” I was doing it in front of him and now I was going to
cry in front of him.
He emptied my bag on the counter and grabbed
underwear and socks and a t- shirt. “Step in,” he was squatting in
front of me holding my panties, and I did what he asked. Next he
pulled the shirt over my head and grabbed another towel and my
hand. He dragged me behind him and walked into the bedroom.
“Sit,” he pointed to the bed. He handed me a
brush and grabbed the menu off of the night stand, and pulled down
the covers to the bed, “Come on up here, you’ll be warm.”
I sat against the headboard and pulled the
blankets up around me his phone rang and he set the menu on my lap,
“I gotta take this, you pick something.”
He answered the phone and walked out the
door into the other room.
“Yeah I found her…no she’s alright, I
think…Jase I haven’t even talked to her yet…She just took a bath
and … Oh, for Fuck’s sake NO!” I heard him hiss, “She’s pretty
fucking upset alright, I’m not a fucking…fine. You tell her after I
get her to eat something. I’ll call…not now Jase…Yes call George
back, tell him to get on it, I want those slimy fucks dealt with
and believe me I will do the shit my way if we can’t come to a
fucking agreement….No Jase, tonight she’s gonna eat and sleep,
tomorrow I have a couple things to …Two days alright. I’ll be there
in two days.”
I
more disappointed than I already knew he must be in me. I was
disappointed in me, I stole from him. I had every intention of
making sure he got back everything I had taken, but I wasn’t ready
or able to do it this soon.
I didn’t want to be here… I wished I could
have spent the night in the cemetery. It felt good to cry, it felt
good to be close to them, and I wanted that again, I needed
that.
“Come on,” he pulled me from the elevator
and walked me to the door of the room. I don’t remember ever being
in a place like this.
He opened the door and pulled me inside. He
was holding onto me tightly, almost painfully, but if he let go I
was sure I would crumble, break into a million pieces.
When his grip loosened I held tighter,
afraid. Afraid to look at him, afraid to see the anger or hurt I
may have caused him, afraid he would see me…. the me that was held
so tightly together by years of fear, that I would disappoint or be
a burden, or be seen, or…
“Come on Tara,” Cyrus took me into the
bathroom and started the bath and then leaned against the counter
holding me.
“Okay you need to get in there. I’m gonna
run down to the Jeep to grab my bag and yours, then right back. I
can’t believe I fucking forgot them,” he let out an uneasy breath,
“Don’t you leave Tara, I will fucking find you again. I promised to
help you, now you have to let me.”
I shook my head yes afraid if I spoke I
would cry again and if I cried…I couldn’t cry. He grabbed me and
held me again before he left.
Now I could cry, now I could for a couple
minutes anyway.
I was in the tub when he burst through the
door. He closed his eyes tightly and his hands fisted at his
side.
With his eyes still closed he breathed out,
“Thank you.”
I washed my face hoping he wouldn’t see the
tears.
“I’m not gonna look at you Birdie okay? But
I’m not gonna leave you either .”
I still couldn’t answer him, I still
couldn’t talk. I finished my bath and started to stand. Cyrus
turned around his eyes still closed and handed me a towel.
I was wrapped and finally cleared my throat,
“Can I have my bag?”
“Yes, yes of course you can,” he walked out
the door leaving it open and grabbed my bag.
“Thank you,” I said as I opened the bag
searching I grabbed the money, “Um, Cyrus I’m sorry about this but
here is what’s left, I will ..I spent forty three dollars. I
promise…”
“It’s all good Birdie, do you have clothes,
do you need…”
“No, I have one sweatshirt, two…oh, oh God…
I’m sorry…” I was doing it in front of him and now I was going to
cry in front of him.
He emptied my bag on the counter and grabbed
underwear and socks and a t- shirt. “Step in,” he was squatting in
front of me holding my panties, and I did what he asked. Next he
pulled the shirt over my head and grabbed another towel and my
hand. He dragged me behind him and walked into the bedroom.
“Sit,” he pointed to the bed. He handed me a
brush and grabbed the menu off of the night stand, and pulled down
the covers to the bed, “Come on up here, you’ll be warm.”
I sat against the headboard and pulled the
blankets up around me his phone rang and he set the menu on my lap,
“I gotta take this, you pick something.”
He answered the phone and walked out the
door into the other room.
“Yeah I found her…no she’s alright, I
think…Jase I haven’t even talked to her yet…She just took a bath
and … Oh, for Fuck’s sake NO!” I heard him hiss, “She’s pretty
fucking upset alright, I’m not a fucking…fine. You tell her after I
get her to eat something. I’ll call…not now Jase…Yes call George
back, tell him to get on it, I want those slimy fucks dealt with
and believe me I will do the shit my way if we can’t come to a
fucking agreement….No Jase, tonight she’s gonna eat and sleep,
tomorrow I have a couple things to …Two days alright. I’ll be there
in two days.”
I
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