ask.
“Yeah.”
“I thought they left a strip of hair,” Sarah C says.
“No, that’s optional.”
“So after they waxed you, you ran out of the salon?” I ask.
“No. When I scheduled the wax, I went for the cheapest person. I figured she’d be the least experienced. Why else would she charge the least? So, when she got to the final strip, I started screaming as she pulled it off. I told her she took some skin.”
“So you just complained and got the wax for free?” Sarah C asks.
“No, I told them that I was using Retin-A.”
None of us say anything. We don’t know why that’s important.
“You’re not supposed to get a bikini wax if you’re takingAccutane or using Retin-A. They increase skin fragility and that can cause tearing when the wax is removed.”
“Gross,” I say.
Sarah B pulls her underwear and jeans back up and sits down again.
“Yeah, but I’m not taking that stuff. I only said that because it made them liable for any tearing. I could sue them for waxing me without asking me the proper questions.”
Sarah B has this proud look on her face and her smile is totally big, but I’m not sure that she actually committed a crime. If you still have to retain a lawyer to fully accomplish your theft, then you didn’t even complete it, right? It’s like partial robbery. I totally think she might be going home. But I don’t say anything.
“I also took these,” she says.
She reaches into her purse and pulls out six bottles of nail polish, three lipsticks, a pumpkin-scented candle, and a gift certificate.
“I stole all this stuff, but they gave me the certificate for my next waxing. But anyone can use it.”
She hands the certificate to Sarah A, who takes it and smiles politely. It’s hard to figure out how Sarah A feels about this.
“It’s for an eyebrow wax, too,” Sarah B says.
“They use the same wax on your face that they use down there?” I ask.
“Yeah, but it’s pretty safe. I mean, I did hear about a woman suing a salon in New York because she got herpes in her eye, but that could’ve been a fluke. And seriously, isn’t there a risk involved with anything that’s worth doing?”
I nod like I agree, but really, I’m thinking, Holy crap, it’s possible to get herpes in your eye?
“Aren’t you worried about ingrown hairs?” Sarah C asks.
“No. They gave me special lotion to use.”
“That was really interesting,” Sarah A says. “I have to hand it to you, for a tomboy, you did a nice job thinking outside the box. Well done.”
I’m surprised to hear Sarah A say this. Maybe she’s just trying to build suspense. Because it’s clear to me who should be voted out. I think it’s clear to everyone. Finally, Sarah A turns to me.
“It’s so good to have you back,” Sarah A says. “And keep in mind, if you need to use the bathroom, just go. You don’t even need to ask. We’ll understand.”
I force a smile.
“Thanks,” I say.
I clear my throat and pull the Plexiglas house out of the grocery sack.
“I stole this from a 7-Eleven just out of town. It’s got $118.95. Isn’t that wild? I mean, that’s so much money.”
Suddenly, things feel very weird. Nobody is saying anything.They’re just all looking at me like they’re stunned. They must be really impressed.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Sarah A says.
“Well, I know it’s pretty bold of me, but I really want to be a Sarah. I felt it was a pretty good crime.”
I smile big. But nobody else is smiling back.
“That’s a shelter horse. His name is Buttons,” Sarah C says. “We made those donation jars last week.”
“That’s impossible. How can it be this full? Nobody in this town is that generous,” I say.
“We poured the old change into the new box. We thought it would encourage people to donate more. Sarah C said it was a fact that people don’t like to be the first ones to put money in the jar,” Sarah B says.
“I don’t know if it’s a fact,” Sarah C
“Yeah.”
“I thought they left a strip of hair,” Sarah C says.
“No, that’s optional.”
“So after they waxed you, you ran out of the salon?” I ask.
“No. When I scheduled the wax, I went for the cheapest person. I figured she’d be the least experienced. Why else would she charge the least? So, when she got to the final strip, I started screaming as she pulled it off. I told her she took some skin.”
“So you just complained and got the wax for free?” Sarah C asks.
“No, I told them that I was using Retin-A.”
None of us say anything. We don’t know why that’s important.
“You’re not supposed to get a bikini wax if you’re takingAccutane or using Retin-A. They increase skin fragility and that can cause tearing when the wax is removed.”
“Gross,” I say.
Sarah B pulls her underwear and jeans back up and sits down again.
“Yeah, but I’m not taking that stuff. I only said that because it made them liable for any tearing. I could sue them for waxing me without asking me the proper questions.”
Sarah B has this proud look on her face and her smile is totally big, but I’m not sure that she actually committed a crime. If you still have to retain a lawyer to fully accomplish your theft, then you didn’t even complete it, right? It’s like partial robbery. I totally think she might be going home. But I don’t say anything.
“I also took these,” she says.
She reaches into her purse and pulls out six bottles of nail polish, three lipsticks, a pumpkin-scented candle, and a gift certificate.
“I stole all this stuff, but they gave me the certificate for my next waxing. But anyone can use it.”
She hands the certificate to Sarah A, who takes it and smiles politely. It’s hard to figure out how Sarah A feels about this.
“It’s for an eyebrow wax, too,” Sarah B says.
“They use the same wax on your face that they use down there?” I ask.
“Yeah, but it’s pretty safe. I mean, I did hear about a woman suing a salon in New York because she got herpes in her eye, but that could’ve been a fluke. And seriously, isn’t there a risk involved with anything that’s worth doing?”
I nod like I agree, but really, I’m thinking, Holy crap, it’s possible to get herpes in your eye?
“Aren’t you worried about ingrown hairs?” Sarah C asks.
“No. They gave me special lotion to use.”
“That was really interesting,” Sarah A says. “I have to hand it to you, for a tomboy, you did a nice job thinking outside the box. Well done.”
I’m surprised to hear Sarah A say this. Maybe she’s just trying to build suspense. Because it’s clear to me who should be voted out. I think it’s clear to everyone. Finally, Sarah A turns to me.
“It’s so good to have you back,” Sarah A says. “And keep in mind, if you need to use the bathroom, just go. You don’t even need to ask. We’ll understand.”
I force a smile.
“Thanks,” I say.
I clear my throat and pull the Plexiglas house out of the grocery sack.
“I stole this from a 7-Eleven just out of town. It’s got $118.95. Isn’t that wild? I mean, that’s so much money.”
Suddenly, things feel very weird. Nobody is saying anything.They’re just all looking at me like they’re stunned. They must be really impressed.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Sarah A says.
“Well, I know it’s pretty bold of me, but I really want to be a Sarah. I felt it was a pretty good crime.”
I smile big. But nobody else is smiling back.
“That’s a shelter horse. His name is Buttons,” Sarah C says. “We made those donation jars last week.”
“That’s impossible. How can it be this full? Nobody in this town is that generous,” I say.
“We poured the old change into the new box. We thought it would encourage people to donate more. Sarah C said it was a fact that people don’t like to be the first ones to put money in the jar,” Sarah B says.
“I don’t know if it’s a fact,” Sarah C
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