Counting the Days

Counting the Days by Hope Riverbank Page A

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Authors: Hope Riverbank
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physician. I think you’ll really like him. He’s very funny and very down to earth.” I watched as her eyes moved over to the large bruise on my arm. “How’d you get that one?” she said gently touching my arm. She didn’t even blink.
     
    I quickly covered it up and said, “Oh, its nothing. I must have gotten it when I passed out earlier.” I couldn’t look her straight in the eye while I blatantly lied, so I looked away. “I told you mom, since I haven’t been feeling well and all, I’ve been losing my balance and falling down a lot, that’s all.”
     
    “ Yeah…that must be it,” she said quietly shaking her head. Suddenly she looked extremely sad or disappointed. She’s a nurse, for goodness’s sake. She knew and wanted me to tell her the truth...but I couldn’t. “Well, honey, I have to go back to work. I’ll come by in the morning and see how you’re doing. You call my unit if you have any questions or concerns. I’ll let the nurses know that you’re my daughter and that they should call me if anything comes up.” She leaned over and kissed my forehead. “I love you,” she whispered and began to leave the room. At the door, she stopped, turned and looked at me a moment. She just stood there, staring at me as if she had something to say, but couldn’t. “You do know that I love you. Don’t you?”
     
    “ Yes, mom, I know that you love me.”
     
    “ And you know that you can talk to me about anything?”
     
    “ Yes mom.”
     
    “ Sleep tight then,” she said and left the room.
     
    “ I can’t talk about this,” I whispered to myself after she left. “Not this.”
     
    I could hear her talking outside to the nurse. I couldn’t make out clearly what they were saying, but I did hear her ask ‘who is the attending physician?’ I had a bad feeling in my gut. Her talking to the doctor was not going to be a good thing. All night I tossed and turned with worry. Finally, I fell into a light sleep. One of those sleeps where you hear every little sound.
     
    I was still tired when I awoke in the morning. It must have been around 7:30am when my mother came back to my room. I was brushing my teeth when she came in with her stern serious look. She knew. “You’re coming home with me when you‘re released.”
     
    “ What? Mom, you don’t understand, Danny is not going to let me go with you.”
     
    “ I don’t care what he wants. I’m not going to let him abuse you anymore.”
     
    “ What are you talking about mom, he doesn’t abuse me.” I looked down at the floor as I walked back to my bed. I felt so ashamed for lying to my mother, but I had to, she would never understand. And besides, we were talking about my husband and I had to make a defense.
     
    “ Marilyn, I gave birth to you. Please don’t lie to me anymore,” my mother said all too seriously. She meant business. I could hear it in her voice.
     
    Give up, Marilyn, she knows. No she couldn’t, of course she knows…she’s a nurse. She’s probably seen tons of cases like mine. I looked her straight in the eyes and could see that not only was she concerned for me, but also love was written all over her expression. Say something, Marilyn. “Mom, he doesn’t mean it and it’s always my fault. I stress him out so badly and I have the uncanny ability to provoke him. I just have to learn how to leave him alone when he’s in one of his moods, that’s all. Besides, I’m his wife and I really have to stick by him.”
     
    “ Sweetie, no one in his or her right mind will ever fault you for leaving an abusive man,” she paused thoughtfully. “You have to start thinking about this baby, Marilyn. It’s not just you anymore. Now there’s a child involved.”
     
    “ I know that, mom. Why do you think I was so unhappy when I found out I was pregnant? I know that Danny’s a little rough. That’s why I never ever wanted to have a child with him. I thought that I was being so careful. I can’t even remember when

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