CONVICTION (INTERFERENCE) by Kimberly Schwartzmiller Page A

it was for a different reason. I knew that he was only holding me because he didn’t know what else to do, and I’d given him no choice.
    “Rebecca, Honey…God, what is it?”
    “I’m s-s-sorry. I just n-need…”
    “What? What do you need?” he asked with concern in his voice.
    “This, I need this!” I sobbed harder and held him tight.
    He responded by holding me close and stroking my back. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m sorry, Love. I’m so sorry.”
    He held me for a while, until I couldn’t cry anymore. He finally pulled back a little and walked me over to the couch and sat down next to me. He didn’t pull away from me; instead he almost pulled me into his lap and held me tight.
    I finally started to relax in his arms. I took a few deep breaths and knew he was going to want a more detailed response to my melt-down. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of him and realized that it was the first time I’d ever been close enough to him to know how wonderful he smelled. He smelled…clean and, I don’t know, woodsy…if that was the word. 
    “So, are you okay, now?”
    “Yes, I’m okay. I’m sorry.”
    “No, I’m sorry. I ruined your graduation. I don’t blame you for being mad at me.  I never should have said we’d go with them.”
    I realized he’d missed the point entirely. I took a deep breath and said, “You didn’t ruin anything. That’s not it.”
    “Then, what was that all about?” he asked, sitting up and pulling away from me.
    “No, please don’t…” I said, pulling him back to me.
    “Rebecca, talk to me.”
    “I love you.”
    “I love you, too. You know that.”
    “I do. I know that. But, sometimes, I need you to show it.”
    He thought about what I said for a minute. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”
    “Yes, you do. You always know what to say. You always say the right things. You always make me feel special and like I’m the only one in the world when we’re together.”
    “Okay, then why were you crying?”
    “Because…”
    “Because?”
    I didn’t know how to tell him without him getting defensive. “You always tell me that you love me…”
    “I do love you.”
    “I know. You tell me all the time…and I love hearing it. But…”
    “But?”
    “But, I need you to do more than just tell me you love me.”
    “Rebecca, we agreed to wait.”
    “No, you agreed to wait. Shane, I’m not asking for…” I turned away from him, and walked to the window.
    “Rebecca, you know I can’t. I won’t ever hurt you like that.”
    “But, when you pull away from me…or get angry when I hug you…you do hurt me.” I sighed. “Shane, do you remember when we were at dinner, and Jillian and Parker were um…they were holding hands and…”
    “They were all over each other!”
    “Yes.”
    “I remember,” he said, looking a little worried now.
    “Stop looking at me like that. That’s not what I’m after.”
    He sighed in relief.
    “But, even though it was awkward to be around them…like that. And, they were much too…affectionate…in public. The thing is, they were more the norm…and we were the odd ones out.”
    “Rebecca what are you saying?”
    “I’m saying I love you and I know you love me and there’s nothing wrong with showing it…sometimes…just a little.”
    “Rebecca, we’ve been over this. You know how I feel…”
    “And now you know how I feel. You’re my boyfriend. I should be able to hug you at my graduation without worrying that you’ll be angry. I want you to hold my hand when we’re walking down the street, put your arm around me at the movies…” I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “I need you to show me you love me…with more than just words.”
    He thought about it for a few minutes. “I’m sorry. I guess I was so wrapped up in protecting you…I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”
    I reached up to put my arms around him, and true to character, he pulled away.  I dropped