Conrad & Eleanor by Jane Rogers

it was. She went straight to phone him at work. ‘Con? It’s such a beautiful day. Shall we play hookey? Meet for lunch and a walk, and go home early?’ It was carefully calculated.
    They agreed he would pick her up from work and they’d go for lunch in Greenfield, so they could collect her bike from the station. As they drove through the bright sunlight she tried to gauge his mood. He was quiet, rather absorbed in himself, not as exultant in escaping work as she had hoped. ‘Such a beautiful day. It makes me want to plan holidays. Shall we go away at Easter next year instead of the summer?’ She spoke at random. But the baby would be due in July; as soon as she had said this El realised how strange it would seem, when he looked back on it, that she should have suggested this departure from routine without telling him why. And then realised forcibly how strange it would seem, altogether, that she had been hugging the information to herself. Having children made him happy. In the normal run of things she would have told him as soon as she guessed she might be pregnant. This big deal, this afternoon off work, built it up – made it suspicious. Then she realised she was going to tell him the truth. Admit what had happened, tell him she was sorry. She could have an abortion, or not. It would be up to him.
    She had not considered saying this, before, and thinking it now as they drove in silence made her nervous. Con would not see infidelity in the same light as she did. He would be upset. He spoke suddenly into silence. ‘I want us to get rid of the au pair.’
    â€˜Hélène? Why? I thought you liked her.’ An argument about the au pair was the last thing they needed.
    â€˜She’s pleasant enough. But she’s…’
    â€˜What? Not good with the kids?’
    â€˜No, she’s OK. But – well, I think we should get someone else.’
    El readjusted. So he wasn’t reviving the argument against au pairs. He was simply wanting rid of Hélène. ‘OK. If you like. What’s wrong with her?’
    There was a silence as Con slowed for traffic lights, waited, moved off again, seemingly deep in thought. ‘Well, to tell the truth, she makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want you to say anything to her —’
    â€˜Then I won’t. But tell me.’
    â€˜Oh, you know. Flirting. Flitting about half dressed. She’s – you know…’
    El realised. It would be better probably if she laughed, but she couldn’t quite trust herself to make the right noise. The timing of this felt terribly unfair. ‘I see.’
    â€˜Nothing’s happened.’ He glanced at her quickly. El finally located her laugh, and a suitably light tone.
    â€˜That’s very restrained of you. She’s beautiful!’
    â€˜It makes me uncomfortable,’ he repeated, as if she hadn’t spoken. ‘I want you to ask her to leave.’
    â€˜What can I say to her?’
    â€˜Say we’ve decided to do without an au pair for a bit. Anything, it doesn’t matter. We can give her a good reference.’
    â€˜OK.’ She should have said more, but her mouth was dry. It would be best to laugh it off, to tease him about how fatally attractive he was. But how could she say to him… how could she now…? Con virtuously resists advances of beautiful ­nineteen-year-old French woman while El falls into bed and gets pregnant by American lover. If only they matched one another in crime, how much easier it would be; tears and forgive­ness all round, and on to the next chapter.
    â€˜El? You’re not upset, are you? I wanted to tell you the truth —’ Con negotiates into the pub car park.
    â€˜Of course not.’ There is nothing to do but plunge on, and rediscover control where she can. They need to have this conversation in the car, not in the pub. ‘Anyway, I’ve got something more important to