Conquering Chaos by Catelynn Lowell, Tyler Baltierra Page B

they were unable to have on their own.
     It showed them at church, spending time with their family and friends, and people
     around them speaking to the camera about how much this couple deserved to have a child
     so much. I’ll never forget this little boy in the video who prayed every night for
     Brandon and Teresa to get a baby from God. There was a friend on the video who had
     tragically lost a child, and explained how Brandon and Teresa had invested so much
     time and compassion into helping them through that horrible loss. There was obviously
     so much warmth and kindness between these people and in their world.
    Tyler:
    It was amazing, too, to see the actual house and the physical environment that they
     were hoping to bring a child into. We got to watch them moving around through the
     house, showing where the nursery would be for a boy, and what it would be for a girl,
     the living room, the kitchen. That was really reassuring.
    When I got home that day to join Catelynn and my mom, she already had her top ten
     possible adoptive parents for us to go through. And she showed me the one with the
     video first. Once I saw it, I said, “I don’t need to see anymore. That’s them.” She
     said, “We have nine more to look at!” And I said, “No. That’s them. This is who we’re
     supposed to have.”
    And we did. We just knew. Maybe it sounds weird. But we spent all this time going
     through all these hundreds of possible parents, so many of whom were obviously amazing
     people with wonderful homes. And when we found the right ones, it hit us in the chest
     like a ton of bricks. The rightness of the choice could not have been more obvious.
     When we knew, we knew. It was so weird. To be able to plan it out and find the people
     who fit everything we wanted for our kid was such an amazing experience.
    Catelynn:
    So we told Dawn that we found a couple that we liked, and she set up a meeting with
     them. We met with them at Bethany Christian Services, and we all sat down and talked
     about their jobs and their lives. We discussed how we wanted to send gifts and things,
     and talked about how open they wanted to be and we wanted to be. After we met at Bethany,
     we went to Starbucks and hung out for a few hours. We didn’t look at anyone after
     that. We just knew these were the people we were going to go with. We had total peace
     with that decision.
    Tyler:
    I’ll never forget the first moment we walked into the room to meet them. I went in
     first and said hello and shook hands, and Cate-lynn came in right after me. As soon
     as Teresa saw Catelynn, she just pulled her into a hug and held her tight for what
     seemed like fifteen minutes straight. They were totally silent. It was this magical,
     emotional, special moment. Teresa was hugging the woman who was carrying what could
     possibly be her child. And to see the love that she had for Catelynn, and to see her
     extend it so openly, was amazing. That connection was there. To us, and to our daughter.
    Catelynn:
    After that meeting, we just rolled forward. We never had a single moment of doubt
     that we had chosen the right parents for our child. I’m not even sure Brandon and
     Teresa knew what to make of the peace we had with our decision. I can remember many
     times during the pregnancy when we’d be talking to them on the phone and we could
     hear the nervousness on their end. They were so afraid to get their hopes up in case
     we backed out. They didn’t want to get too close to us just in case. But I would always
     tell them, “You guys, don’t be afraid. I’m not going to change my mind. You’re going
     to go home with her. There’s no reason to fear.” I always tried to uplift them and
     make sure they knew. They probably thought I was crazy. They had gone through a loss
     before when birth parents had changed their minds, so they were on their guard.
    Tyler:
    There’s a difference between the loss we feel placing our child, and the loss they