Confessions of a D-List Supervillain

Confessions of a D-List Supervillain by Jim Bernheimer

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Authors: Jim Bernheimer
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you didn’t seem to mind Stacy. Do you want me to call you Aphrodite?”
    “No, it doesn’t sound right coming from you, but that tells me how close we were.”
    “I hope that’s a good thing,” I say.
    “It is,” her tone is reassuring. “I have a small confession to make. Holly was going to come out here and let you down easy and send you down south. She told me that I shouldn’t bother and that you were just in it for the money.”
    “Yeah, that sounds like her. So, why didn’t she?”
    “Andydroid interrupted with an emergency that required her presence. After she left, Andy admitted it was a ruse and showed me the video of us in the trophy room during the big battle and then right before I got zapped by Ultraweapon. I got a few things out of it.”
    “You did?” I ask and decide that my new best friend is Andydroid.
    “Well, the first was I obviously wanted to be your girlfriend and the look on your face was priceless. I had a similar look on my face when I came back in from the President’s speech. I was really happy to see you.”
    Swallowing hard, I say, “You’re pretty observant. What was the other?”
    “If you were only in it for the money, you wouldn’t have run back outside and fought that berserk mob of heroes and villains … and by fighting, I mean you did some serious damage. I thought Holly, was just being silly when she told the others to come in here and make sure you didn’t throw a super-tantrum, but after seeing that video and the one you just showed me of the two of us fighting together, I can see why.”
    “I guess I finally made it off the D-List,” I joke, feeling a bit self-conscious.
    She gives me an “oh please” look and continues, “Andy said that I was more confident around you and based on what I’ve seen so far, I believe him. I may not know the first thing about you, but I know you were important to me.”
    “I want to believe you,” I say.
    She shakes her head and replies, “My movies bombed. I was never that good of an actress.”
    “We actually joked about that and agreed that you weren’t all that bad. Everyone stopped going when they figured out that you were never going to show any skin.”
    “Oh really?”
    “Really. So, are you sure you want to keep me around? Other than Andy, you’re not going to find too many people that approve.”
    “Yeah. It looks like I’m stuck here for the time being and you’re out in the field, but I don’t see why not. Besides, Holly meddles too damn much and she needs an Olympic-sized ass chewing. Remember in the video when I said you need to make more of an effort to get along with her? Well, she’s going to get the same speech. As for the rest of the world, it’s none of their damn business who I date!”
    I’m stunned by the fierceness of her tone. No one has ever stuck up for me like that. Either she really is an incredible actress, or all this means something to her as well.
    Seeing that I’m at a loss for words, she continues with a take charge tone to her voice, “So, here’s the bottom line. You’re going to stick around. We’ll take it slow while I get my memories back. Then, we’ll play it by ear and see what happens. Any problems with that?”
    “None. Just get a recording of you putting Holly in her place. I’d pay to see that.”  We both share a laugh before I continue, “What about Patterson? He’s one breakdown away from going over to the other side.”
    “Holly and the others are going to keep a close eye on him. I’m washing my hands of it and he needs to get over me. Either way, he’s their problem and I’m going to use this to get him out of my life for good.”
    She’s trading him for me? “Are you sure?”  I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but it’s hard. This seems too good to be true.
    “Positive. I should have never let him become more than just a friend.” She pauses. “Why do I suddenly have that song running around in my head?”
    I can’t help but laugh.

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