have been fewer epi-
sodes. My mom and I are both naturally quieter, more
used to reading my dad’s moods and tailoring our own to
his. Riley, being louder and less aware, seems to trigger
my dad more often. One time it was for playing his music
too loud, another time for bouncing a ball against the side
95
PM426 – Come Back To Me.indd 95
29/05/2014 15:30
Mila Gray
of the house, stupid things, little things, things that any
normal human being would not freak out about.
My mom comes out of the kitchen when I’m halfway
up the stairs. I see her before she notices me, noticing at
once how pale she looks and how on edge. Her move-
ments are fluttery as she tidies her hair and straightens
her apron, her eyes flickering the whole time to the study
door. She catches sight of me and jumps, her hand flying
to her mouth.
‘Oh, Jessa,’ she whispers, ‘you scared me.’
‘Sorry,’ I whisper back.
She glances at the study door again and then at me, her
gaze dropping to my sandy shorts and wet hair, a frown
creasing her forehead.
‘Go and get changed. Hurry. Dinner’s on the table at
five.’
I nod and run up the stairs, my heart beating so loudly
I worry he can hear it. God, why does it always have to
be this way? I ease open my bedroom door and take care
to close it silently, but obviously not quietly enough
because my dad immediately starts shouting.
I head into the bathroom and turn the shower on
fully, hoping to drown him out along with the somehow
more stressful sound of my mom’s murmured attempts to
placate him.
Under the waterfall of water I close my eyes and sum-
mon up the memory of Kit’s hands running over my
back, his fingers gripping me by the waist as though
fighting the desire to pull me backwards into his arms.
A tingling, warm sensation moves through my body, a
surge of heat that travels like lightning from my core and
96
PM426 – Come Back To Me.indd 96
29/05/2014 15:30
COME BACK TO ME
settles as an ache between my legs. My eyes flash open.
Breathing hard, I rest my head against the shower tiles as
I imagine Kit in the shower with me, standing behind me,
pulling me back against him, his rock-hard abs, the
strength of his arms.
The front door slamming jolts me out of my fantasy.
It’s Riley. As usual a little slow to read the situation, he’s
burst right into a flammable environment waving a lit
match. My dad starts shouting at him. Through the
thunder of the shower I hear Riley reply and I wince,
anticipating the full-blown shouting match that’s about to
kick off. Riley’s tone, however, is quiet and respectful –
the tone we’ve both learned to adopt in order to defuse
the situation – and after a beat I hear my dad’s study door
shut. It worked. There’s no more shouting. I step out the
shower and grab a towel. My hands are shaking. I can’t
work out whether it’s from nerves or from thinking about
Kit.
‘Pass the potatoes, please.’
My father is the only person who’s so far said a word
all dinner. We eat in silence, the three of us anticipating
the fall of the knife and praying none of us are beneath it
when it happens. I can barely eat. Riley keeps his head
down, shovelling his food up in silence, though at one
point he looks up and winks at me. We just have to get
through this hour and then we’re free, is the message he’s
giving me. no, I think to myself, you’re free, you get to go
around to Jo’s. I have to stay home. I wish I could just
leave too, drive around to Kit’s house or to Didi’s. It’s so
unfair. I don’t even have my licence yet. My dad refused
97
PM426 – Come Back To Me.indd 97
29/05/2014 15:30
Mila Gray
to pay for lessons and wouldn’t let my mom buy me a car
for my birthday. Just another way he sees fit to control my
life. I spear a carrot and try not to think about how I have
to live this way for another four years, but it’s too late −
tears burn my eyes and I have to
sodes. My mom and I are both naturally quieter, more
used to reading my dad’s moods and tailoring our own to
his. Riley, being louder and less aware, seems to trigger
my dad more often. One time it was for playing his music
too loud, another time for bouncing a ball against the side
95
PM426 – Come Back To Me.indd 95
29/05/2014 15:30
Mila Gray
of the house, stupid things, little things, things that any
normal human being would not freak out about.
My mom comes out of the kitchen when I’m halfway
up the stairs. I see her before she notices me, noticing at
once how pale she looks and how on edge. Her move-
ments are fluttery as she tidies her hair and straightens
her apron, her eyes flickering the whole time to the study
door. She catches sight of me and jumps, her hand flying
to her mouth.
‘Oh, Jessa,’ she whispers, ‘you scared me.’
‘Sorry,’ I whisper back.
She glances at the study door again and then at me, her
gaze dropping to my sandy shorts and wet hair, a frown
creasing her forehead.
‘Go and get changed. Hurry. Dinner’s on the table at
five.’
I nod and run up the stairs, my heart beating so loudly
I worry he can hear it. God, why does it always have to
be this way? I ease open my bedroom door and take care
to close it silently, but obviously not quietly enough
because my dad immediately starts shouting.
I head into the bathroom and turn the shower on
fully, hoping to drown him out along with the somehow
more stressful sound of my mom’s murmured attempts to
placate him.
Under the waterfall of water I close my eyes and sum-
mon up the memory of Kit’s hands running over my
back, his fingers gripping me by the waist as though
fighting the desire to pull me backwards into his arms.
A tingling, warm sensation moves through my body, a
surge of heat that travels like lightning from my core and
96
PM426 – Come Back To Me.indd 96
29/05/2014 15:30
COME BACK TO ME
settles as an ache between my legs. My eyes flash open.
Breathing hard, I rest my head against the shower tiles as
I imagine Kit in the shower with me, standing behind me,
pulling me back against him, his rock-hard abs, the
strength of his arms.
The front door slamming jolts me out of my fantasy.
It’s Riley. As usual a little slow to read the situation, he’s
burst right into a flammable environment waving a lit
match. My dad starts shouting at him. Through the
thunder of the shower I hear Riley reply and I wince,
anticipating the full-blown shouting match that’s about to
kick off. Riley’s tone, however, is quiet and respectful –
the tone we’ve both learned to adopt in order to defuse
the situation – and after a beat I hear my dad’s study door
shut. It worked. There’s no more shouting. I step out the
shower and grab a towel. My hands are shaking. I can’t
work out whether it’s from nerves or from thinking about
Kit.
‘Pass the potatoes, please.’
My father is the only person who’s so far said a word
all dinner. We eat in silence, the three of us anticipating
the fall of the knife and praying none of us are beneath it
when it happens. I can barely eat. Riley keeps his head
down, shovelling his food up in silence, though at one
point he looks up and winks at me. We just have to get
through this hour and then we’re free, is the message he’s
giving me. no, I think to myself, you’re free, you get to go
around to Jo’s. I have to stay home. I wish I could just
leave too, drive around to Kit’s house or to Didi’s. It’s so
unfair. I don’t even have my licence yet. My dad refused
97
PM426 – Come Back To Me.indd 97
29/05/2014 15:30
Mila Gray
to pay for lessons and wouldn’t let my mom buy me a car
for my birthday. Just another way he sees fit to control my
life. I spear a carrot and try not to think about how I have
to live this way for another four years, but it’s too late −
tears burn my eyes and I have to
Similar Books
