broken plane of features. “You want to leave now? Because I can take you home.”
To her safe haven, one I hadn’t known for a long time, and I wouldn’t begrudge her one little bit.
“No. No.” Sin moved toward me, slipping her arms around me.
“Please don’t. Don’t touch me. I can’t—”
She was beautiful and pure.
I was dark and dirty.
I pressed her away.
“I’m not gonna say I started drugging because Brooke did, or that she tried to make me because she didn’t.”
She wouldn’t have.
Grief over her death ate me alive.
“I tried a hit. Got a taste for it. We went from stealers to dealers to meth-heads overnight.” Rolling my shirtsleeve over my forearm, I showed Sin the marks that trailed fine white lines on the insides of my arms. I’d sucked meth up my nose, shot it up, smoked it in a bowl, gotten addicted to it. I’d been all about switching it up. “Dumbest thing I ever did. Biggest mistake of my life.”
I didn’t dare look at Sin. For all I knew she was disgusted with me.
She should be.
I was.
“Got worse after that, but we were so high we didn’t care.” Falling back to the couch, I covered my face with my arm, my words muffled, my heart still ablaze with pain. “Brooke started, but I should’ve ended it. I didn’t.”
We stole money anywhere we could, not to help out our mom, but to support our habits.
I glanced at Sin.
She sat with a pinched, pale face beside me.
The hot drop of a tear slid down my face. I brushed it away, hoping she didn’t see it.
“She died. Brooke OD’d.” My gut clenched. “I wasn’t there. I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t help her.
“But I found her. Dead.”
As soon as I saw my sister, rolled to her side, foam at her lips, the usual junkie rush disintegrated. “I held her. Talked to her. Trying to force life back into her. She never laughed again. Never opened her eyes. Never joked.
“ She never breathed again. She was empty. Just . . . gone .”
I rubbed the wet tears springing to my eyes. My throat felt like a stone stuck inside it. I couldn’t swallow. Could hardly push air in and out of my lungs. My voice sounded broken.
“I was her brother . I should’ve been protecting her, not letting her get involved in drugs.” I hung my head. “My mom lost it after Brooke died. She fell apart. It destroyed what was left of her health, her mind . . .”
Sin sat beside me, her hands folded in her lap. “Where is she? Where’s your mother?”
“In a facility close by.” I wouldn’t look at Sin.
I wouldn’t.
I didn’t want to disappoint one more person in my life.
I clenched my fists on my thighs. “Those cunts, in the shop. You need to tell me if you ever see them again.”
Sin draped her arms around me. “I will. I promise. But what about your mom? Do you see her?”
“Yeah. I visit her every week.”
She never recognized me. The break in her psyche too deep, I’d almost been there myself.
“Will I get to meet her?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I turned toward Sin. “You want to?”
“Well, I’m not just going out with you because I like the way you fuck me, Cole.” Interlocking her hands with mine, she said, “I like you .”
“What about what I just told you? Did you hear all that?” Yanking free, I stood to pace, pace, pace. I gripped my hair. “You understand I haven’t been a good man? You get that I’m bad news?”
She snuck up behind me, holding me to her.
“What are you doing?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“Hugging you.” She held tighter.
“Why?” My jaw clenched. I didn’t want to give in to this feeling.
It couldn’t be true.
“Because you aren’t bad news. Because you hurt. Because you went through—lived through—something I could never imagine and became better.” She slipped a kiss to the back of my neck. “Because, Cole. I think there’s more to you than your past, more than you’ve already shown me.”
I turned in her arms, taking her hands off me.
To her safe haven, one I hadn’t known for a long time, and I wouldn’t begrudge her one little bit.
“No. No.” Sin moved toward me, slipping her arms around me.
“Please don’t. Don’t touch me. I can’t—”
She was beautiful and pure.
I was dark and dirty.
I pressed her away.
“I’m not gonna say I started drugging because Brooke did, or that she tried to make me because she didn’t.”
She wouldn’t have.
Grief over her death ate me alive.
“I tried a hit. Got a taste for it. We went from stealers to dealers to meth-heads overnight.” Rolling my shirtsleeve over my forearm, I showed Sin the marks that trailed fine white lines on the insides of my arms. I’d sucked meth up my nose, shot it up, smoked it in a bowl, gotten addicted to it. I’d been all about switching it up. “Dumbest thing I ever did. Biggest mistake of my life.”
I didn’t dare look at Sin. For all I knew she was disgusted with me.
She should be.
I was.
“Got worse after that, but we were so high we didn’t care.” Falling back to the couch, I covered my face with my arm, my words muffled, my heart still ablaze with pain. “Brooke started, but I should’ve ended it. I didn’t.”
We stole money anywhere we could, not to help out our mom, but to support our habits.
I glanced at Sin.
She sat with a pinched, pale face beside me.
The hot drop of a tear slid down my face. I brushed it away, hoping she didn’t see it.
“She died. Brooke OD’d.” My gut clenched. “I wasn’t there. I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t help her.
“But I found her. Dead.”
As soon as I saw my sister, rolled to her side, foam at her lips, the usual junkie rush disintegrated. “I held her. Talked to her. Trying to force life back into her. She never laughed again. Never opened her eyes. Never joked.
“ She never breathed again. She was empty. Just . . . gone .”
I rubbed the wet tears springing to my eyes. My throat felt like a stone stuck inside it. I couldn’t swallow. Could hardly push air in and out of my lungs. My voice sounded broken.
“I was her brother . I should’ve been protecting her, not letting her get involved in drugs.” I hung my head. “My mom lost it after Brooke died. She fell apart. It destroyed what was left of her health, her mind . . .”
Sin sat beside me, her hands folded in her lap. “Where is she? Where’s your mother?”
“In a facility close by.” I wouldn’t look at Sin.
I wouldn’t.
I didn’t want to disappoint one more person in my life.
I clenched my fists on my thighs. “Those cunts, in the shop. You need to tell me if you ever see them again.”
Sin draped her arms around me. “I will. I promise. But what about your mom? Do you see her?”
“Yeah. I visit her every week.”
She never recognized me. The break in her psyche too deep, I’d almost been there myself.
“Will I get to meet her?”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I turned toward Sin. “You want to?”
“Well, I’m not just going out with you because I like the way you fuck me, Cole.” Interlocking her hands with mine, she said, “I like you .”
“What about what I just told you? Did you hear all that?” Yanking free, I stood to pace, pace, pace. I gripped my hair. “You understand I haven’t been a good man? You get that I’m bad news?”
She snuck up behind me, holding me to her.
“What are you doing?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“Hugging you.” She held tighter.
“Why?” My jaw clenched. I didn’t want to give in to this feeling.
It couldn’t be true.
“Because you aren’t bad news. Because you hurt. Because you went through—lived through—something I could never imagine and became better.” She slipped a kiss to the back of my neck. “Because, Cole. I think there’s more to you than your past, more than you’ve already shown me.”
I turned in her arms, taking her hands off me.
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