1
The Thing I Love
My name is A.J. and I love school.
Going to school is just so much fun! I wish we could go to school at night. I wish we could go to school on the weekend. I wish we never had vacations.
Just kidding!
I hate school! Do you know what I would rather do than go to school? Iwould rather eat a dead-bug sandwich. No, I would rather eat a live -bug sandwich. That would be even worse than a dead-bug sandwich, because the bugs would still be moving around in the sandwich while I was eating it. Ugh, disgusting! But even more disgusting than eating a live-bug sandwich is going to school.
I donât hate everything , you know. Some stuff I love. Like video games. And skate-boarding. And trick biking.
Iâll tell you the one thing that I really love more than anything in the world. And itâs not Andrea Young, this annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair.
I love Pee Wee Football.
In the fall I play football every Saturday. Football is cool because you get to push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts. And the best part is, you donât even get punished!
At school, if you push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts, you have to go to the principalâs office. But in football youâre supposed to push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts.
Thatâs why I hate school and love Pee Wee Football. If you ask me, the world would be a better place if they closed all the schools and turned them into Pee Wee Football camps.
The only problem is, my team stinks !Weâre called the Moose, * and we lost every game last season. Every game!
The good news is, weâre getting a new coach this year named Coach Hyatt. I bet heâll be a lot better than our old coach, Mr. Boozer. Mr. Boozer was a loser.
I put on my uniform and shoulder pads to get ready for our first practice. Shoulder pads are cool because they make it look like you have big muscles. Our uniform is red, and we have red helmets with a lightning bolt down the middle.
Mom drove me to practice at the high school field. We got out of the car andlooked around until we found the other guys in the seventy-pound league.
âGive me a good-bye hug, A.J.,â my mom said.
Mom is always trying to hug me, especially in front of other kids. Moms are weird.
âNot now, Mom.â
âHug me, A.J.,â my mom said.
âNo way.â
âI want a hug, A.J.,â my mom said.
âI donât think so.â
Mom reached out to grab me. But I faked left. Then I faked right. Then I faked left again. Ha-ha! I totally faked out my mom! She canât play football to save her life. Eatmy dust, Mom!
There were around twenty kids with red uniforms like mine. Some of them were in my class, and some others I didnât know.
âI canât wait to meet Coach Hyatt,â said my friend Michael, who never ties his shoes.
âI hope he lets me be the kicker,â said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isnât food.
âI hope he lets me play fullback,â said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes.
âI hope he lets me be the quarterback becauseââ *
I didnât get the chance to finish my sentence, because thatâs when a cool car pulled up. It looked just like a real car, only smaller. Michael knows all about cars. He said it was a Mini Cooper.
Coach Hyatt and some kid got out of the little car. They were coming over to us. The coach had on a red shirt and a redhat, and wore a whistle around his neck.
But there was something really strange about him.
He wasnât a him at all!
Coach Hyatt wasâ¦a lady !
2
Coach Hyatt Is Mean
Girls arenât supposed to be football coaches! Thatâs a scientific fact. What do girls know about pushing and shoving and knocking kids on their butts? Girls only care about puppies and butterflies, and what color nail polish they have on.
But the lady who got out of the MiniCooper
The Thing I Love
My name is A.J. and I love school.
Going to school is just so much fun! I wish we could go to school at night. I wish we could go to school on the weekend. I wish we never had vacations.
Just kidding!
I hate school! Do you know what I would rather do than go to school? Iwould rather eat a dead-bug sandwich. No, I would rather eat a live -bug sandwich. That would be even worse than a dead-bug sandwich, because the bugs would still be moving around in the sandwich while I was eating it. Ugh, disgusting! But even more disgusting than eating a live-bug sandwich is going to school.
I donât hate everything , you know. Some stuff I love. Like video games. And skate-boarding. And trick biking.
Iâll tell you the one thing that I really love more than anything in the world. And itâs not Andrea Young, this annoying girl in my class with curly brown hair.
I love Pee Wee Football.
In the fall I play football every Saturday. Football is cool because you get to push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts. And the best part is, you donât even get punished!
At school, if you push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts, you have to go to the principalâs office. But in football youâre supposed to push and shove and yell and knock kids on their butts.
Thatâs why I hate school and love Pee Wee Football. If you ask me, the world would be a better place if they closed all the schools and turned them into Pee Wee Football camps.
The only problem is, my team stinks !Weâre called the Moose, * and we lost every game last season. Every game!
The good news is, weâre getting a new coach this year named Coach Hyatt. I bet heâll be a lot better than our old coach, Mr. Boozer. Mr. Boozer was a loser.
I put on my uniform and shoulder pads to get ready for our first practice. Shoulder pads are cool because they make it look like you have big muscles. Our uniform is red, and we have red helmets with a lightning bolt down the middle.
Mom drove me to practice at the high school field. We got out of the car andlooked around until we found the other guys in the seventy-pound league.
âGive me a good-bye hug, A.J.,â my mom said.
Mom is always trying to hug me, especially in front of other kids. Moms are weird.
âNot now, Mom.â
âHug me, A.J.,â my mom said.
âNo way.â
âI want a hug, A.J.,â my mom said.
âI donât think so.â
Mom reached out to grab me. But I faked left. Then I faked right. Then I faked left again. Ha-ha! I totally faked out my mom! She canât play football to save her life. Eatmy dust, Mom!
There were around twenty kids with red uniforms like mine. Some of them were in my class, and some others I didnât know.
âI canât wait to meet Coach Hyatt,â said my friend Michael, who never ties his shoes.
âI hope he lets me be the kicker,â said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isnât food.
âI hope he lets me play fullback,â said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes.
âI hope he lets me be the quarterback becauseââ *
I didnât get the chance to finish my sentence, because thatâs when a cool car pulled up. It looked just like a real car, only smaller. Michael knows all about cars. He said it was a Mini Cooper.
Coach Hyatt and some kid got out of the little car. They were coming over to us. The coach had on a red shirt and a redhat, and wore a whistle around his neck.
But there was something really strange about him.
He wasnât a him at all!
Coach Hyatt wasâ¦a lady !
2
Coach Hyatt Is Mean
Girls arenât supposed to be football coaches! Thatâs a scientific fact. What do girls know about pushing and shoving and knocking kids on their butts? Girls only care about puppies and butterflies, and what color nail polish they have on.
But the lady who got out of the MiniCooper
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