Prologue
T he silence in the living room was heavy enough to suffocate me. I was sitting with my hands in my lap, carefully inspecting my fingernails. I knew why we were all here again. I knew that everyone was expecting a decision.
“Livie?” Sofia, my sister, prompted softly.
I sighed heavily and looked out the bay window I had been sitting next to. We were sitting in her living room with Mitchell and Alejandro.
It had taken a full year of physical therapy to be able to recover from the plane crash that almost killed Alejo, César, and I. It took half as long to get my memory back and it took three times longer than that for me to learn to trust either of them again.
I glanced over at Mitchell, who was sitting directly across from me in his usual black baseball cap, denim jean shorts, and as always some sort of print t-shirt. He was leaning forward with his hands locked together in front of him, giving me a small hopeful smile.
Mitchell. The man that denied me sexually and emotionally more times than I could count. The man that would belittle me, and then spend his time stuck in front of a television playing video games. The man who saved me when I was younger with nowhere to go and the first man to love me unconditionally.
I returned his smile, and glanced over at Alejandro who was sitting on the same couch on the opposite end of Mitch.
Alejandro had given me the most intense sexual encounters I ever had. He set my body on fire with just his touch and together, we went to places of ecstasy that I had never known existed. My young lover with a heart of gold who only wanted to be loved for once in his life and made me feel like nothing could go wrong when I was in his arms.
Except for a plane crash, I thought dryly to myself, staring into his serious hazel blue eyes. There wasn’t a smile on his face. Hell there was no emotion at all really. He just kind of sat there waiting.
“Olivia,” Sofia said a little sterner this time.
I stood up, walked around the couch, and stood in front of the window I had been sitting next to. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched the neighbor’s Border collie chase after a ball that was thrown. It grabbed it happily in its mouth and sauntered back toward the seven year old who had tossed it. I smiled as it sat patiently waiting, its tail wagging at one hundred miles per hour in anticipation, before the ball was thrown again.
The dog was so happy doing the same redundant thing over and over again. I stood there, watching the little boy throw the ball for the third time, wondering how the animal was kept happy by the simple monotonous actions. Because the person initiating the actions, loves the dog unconditionally and the dog loves him.
I chewed my lower lip in silence for a moment. That was the answer. Whoever loved me the most would prove it, and I would know what to do. I couldn’t base my future on past actions. It wouldn’t be fair to them or me.
“I think I have this figured out now,” I said quietly.
“And?” Sofia asked.
I turned to face them. Mitch’s smile never faltered, and Alejo’s face never showed emotion. Sofia, however, looked like she had the world’s most painful headache because of how long this had taken me.
I took a deep breath and sat on the arm of the couch. I knew that no one was going to be happy with what I was going to say, least of all Sofia, but I couldn’t think of any other way.
“The only fair way is to do it all over again,” I replied.
“So, you want to give each of us time with you? For you to decide?” Mitch asked. I looked at him, stealing a quick glance at Alejandro, who seemed just as confused.
“Well you know how a dog will be happy playing fetch for hours on end? No matter how boring we may find it, he will always play because it loves the person that’s throwing the ball or the stick or whatever, right? That’s what I wanted to do,” I explained.
“You wanted us to throw balls at you?” Mitch asked with
T he silence in the living room was heavy enough to suffocate me. I was sitting with my hands in my lap, carefully inspecting my fingernails. I knew why we were all here again. I knew that everyone was expecting a decision.
“Livie?” Sofia, my sister, prompted softly.
I sighed heavily and looked out the bay window I had been sitting next to. We were sitting in her living room with Mitchell and Alejandro.
It had taken a full year of physical therapy to be able to recover from the plane crash that almost killed Alejo, César, and I. It took half as long to get my memory back and it took three times longer than that for me to learn to trust either of them again.
I glanced over at Mitchell, who was sitting directly across from me in his usual black baseball cap, denim jean shorts, and as always some sort of print t-shirt. He was leaning forward with his hands locked together in front of him, giving me a small hopeful smile.
Mitchell. The man that denied me sexually and emotionally more times than I could count. The man that would belittle me, and then spend his time stuck in front of a television playing video games. The man who saved me when I was younger with nowhere to go and the first man to love me unconditionally.
I returned his smile, and glanced over at Alejandro who was sitting on the same couch on the opposite end of Mitch.
Alejandro had given me the most intense sexual encounters I ever had. He set my body on fire with just his touch and together, we went to places of ecstasy that I had never known existed. My young lover with a heart of gold who only wanted to be loved for once in his life and made me feel like nothing could go wrong when I was in his arms.
Except for a plane crash, I thought dryly to myself, staring into his serious hazel blue eyes. There wasn’t a smile on his face. Hell there was no emotion at all really. He just kind of sat there waiting.
“Olivia,” Sofia said a little sterner this time.
I stood up, walked around the couch, and stood in front of the window I had been sitting next to. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched the neighbor’s Border collie chase after a ball that was thrown. It grabbed it happily in its mouth and sauntered back toward the seven year old who had tossed it. I smiled as it sat patiently waiting, its tail wagging at one hundred miles per hour in anticipation, before the ball was thrown again.
The dog was so happy doing the same redundant thing over and over again. I stood there, watching the little boy throw the ball for the third time, wondering how the animal was kept happy by the simple monotonous actions. Because the person initiating the actions, loves the dog unconditionally and the dog loves him.
I chewed my lower lip in silence for a moment. That was the answer. Whoever loved me the most would prove it, and I would know what to do. I couldn’t base my future on past actions. It wouldn’t be fair to them or me.
“I think I have this figured out now,” I said quietly.
“And?” Sofia asked.
I turned to face them. Mitch’s smile never faltered, and Alejo’s face never showed emotion. Sofia, however, looked like she had the world’s most painful headache because of how long this had taken me.
I took a deep breath and sat on the arm of the couch. I knew that no one was going to be happy with what I was going to say, least of all Sofia, but I couldn’t think of any other way.
“The only fair way is to do it all over again,” I replied.
“So, you want to give each of us time with you? For you to decide?” Mitch asked. I looked at him, stealing a quick glance at Alejandro, who seemed just as confused.
“Well you know how a dog will be happy playing fetch for hours on end? No matter how boring we may find it, he will always play because it loves the person that’s throwing the ball or the stick or whatever, right? That’s what I wanted to do,” I explained.
“You wanted us to throw balls at you?” Mitch asked with
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