Cinnamon Gardens by Shyam Selvadurai Page B

the nightthere, as early the next day they were planning to go to Kinross Beach for a swim and a picnic breakfast.
    The next day, when Annalukshmi awoke, the sky was a dark grey, the sun not having risen yet. As she lay there under the mosquito net, her thoughts returned to that conversation with her mother and sister last afternoon about Grace Macintosh’s brother. From the verandah she could hear the clatter of cups and the low murmur of Miss Lawton’s and her servant, Rosa’s, voices.
    When Annalukshmi came outside, Miss Lawton glanced at her, surprised, and said, “You’re up early, Anna.”
    Annalukshmi nodded and sat down next to her.
    “You look worried. Is anything wrong?”
    “I was just lying in bed, thinking.”
    Miss Lawton poured Annalukshmi a cup of coffee and passed it to her.
    “What my life would become if I got married.”
    Miss Lawton looked at her keenly. “And what has prompted these thoughts?”
    “Oh, just wondering about it.” She smiled. “Early-morning thoughts.”
    Miss Lawton gestured to her to go on.
    “I want more than anything else in the world to continue to teach. I’ve always wanted this … to be like you.”
    “I’m flattered, Anna, but you must realize my life has its limitations too.”
    Annalukshmi stirred her coffee. “And what about love? Where does that fit in to all of this?”
    “Aaah,” Miss Lawton said. “That is a tough one, isn’t it?”
    “But other people … you … made a choice.”
    Miss Lawton stood up. “Yes, I made a choice. But choices are never easy.”
    At that moment, the morning newspaper was thrown over the gate and fell onto the front path with a thud. Miss Lawton, rather than waiting for Rosa to get it, went down the verandah steps herself. She picked up the paper and came back, tapping it against the palm of her hand. “You know, Anna,” she said when she reached the verandah steps, “I never tell anyone what to do with their life. I can only explain how it was for me. Then one must decide what one wants to do.” She came up the steps and sat down in her chair again. “I am where I am by choice. And do I regret my decision?” She smiled. “Sometimes. When administrative problems are too bothersome or on the first day of holidays when the school is deserted and forlorn, or at the end of the year when my Senior Cambridge girls, whom I have known as if they were my own, leave, never to return.” She shrugged. “But what life is without its regrets?”
    Kinross Beach was a favourite bathing spot because the proximity of the reef to the shore created a peaceful bay where a swimmer was safe from the currents of the open sea. By the time Miss Lawton, Nancy, and Annalukshmi got there, it was busy, as the morning was a popular time for a swim, before the sun got too hot. The sea was a greyish blue, the cream-coloured sand cool beneath their feet. They found a spot underneath a coconut tree and laid out their mat and picnic basket. Nancy had a proper one-piece bathing suit with a sailor collar, but Annalukshmi, whose mother would never consent to a bathing suit, wore an old sari blouse and a long underskirt. As theyhurried down the beach, she was aware that they were the only women about to swim in the sea. The others sat in the shade of the coconut trees, their umbrellas open over them, watching their husbands and sons and brothers frolic in the water and on the beach.
    As Annalukshmi went into the sea, she felt the coolness of the water soak through her blouse and slip, touching her skin underneath like gentle hands. She glanced back up the beach at the other women and it came to her that if she did marry she would end up like them, forced to sit in the shade, only a spectator. Nancy was floating on her back and she called to Annalukshmi to come and join her. With an overwhelming gladness that she was not one of those women, Annalukshmi fell back into the water and gave herself up to the flow of the sea, feeling the waves carry her