first. Once I'd resigned myself to taking Esmeralda as my wife, I reveled in her quiet power. The gentle way she would ask for things, the manner in which she supported my choices while still giving her opinion. She never once argued with me or fought for something if I'd already said no. Not until she found out about Michael and Alexandra, at least. I should have been pleased that she finally found something to fight for, but not this. This, she should have let go. But she didn't, and here we are.
I right my shoulders, straighten my back, and button the jacket of my suit. The motel before me is run down with chipping paint and crumbling plaster. Ruby didn't have to live like this. She had plenty of choices, but she didn't take any of them. I wish she'd just done as she was told to begin with. We could've had our family without me losing my marriage.
"She brought this on herself," I mutter to myself. Not quietly enough, though, and Esmeralda's jaw ticks when she hears it, but she says nothing. I take a look at my wife, the last look of her that I afford myself before I ascend the concrete steps up to Room 201 and become the man my father already thinks I am.
When I'm in front of the door, I stand and wait for my man, Benny, to come up with the key. The motel clerk wasn't hard to shake down. A couple rocks and he was giving her up. Personally, I hate drugs--they turn loyal men into rats--but that's the way the market's going, so the Mancuso organization has to evolve, or we'll get left behind.
Benny makes his way up the stairs. Stomping. He's slamming his feet down on the cement like we got nothing to lose here. This shit gets out of hand, and Benny--as much as I like the guy--might end up in a place his mother will never find him. As much as I'd hate to do it, I'd have to. My father would insist upon it. My wife would drive me crazy until I fixed it. Hell, even my mother would nag me to fucking death until I handled my shit. But Benny isn't thinking about the position he's putting me in. I don't say anything, though. He makes enough noise, pisses Ruby off, and maybe she'll shoot him for me. Only problem is I'd have to shoot her, then, and I'd prefer not to have to do that. What we're doing here is already bad enough.
I'm on autopilot as Benny starts talking to me about how we're going to play this out. We got my driver down by the street, keeping an eye out for trouble. We got one of Benny's soldiers in the office with the day clerk. Ruby has nowhere to run, is likely unarmed, and has three kids with her. She's not as much of a threat as Benny seems to think she is, but I let him keep yapping until he's satisfied we've handled all our shit. I sense Esmeralda about to open her mouth a few times, but a slight shake of my head ensures her silence.
"Open the door, Benedict." I wave an arm at the closed door. Benny takes his time inserting the key and turning the lock. My eyes fall closed, and I give myself this moment. I don't think about the first time I met Ruby or the way she looked at me. I don't indulge in all the memories I shouldn't hold close but do anyway. Instead, I focus on the last time I saw her and the hate that filled her eyes and her words. She promised to destroy me if I took the twins. She said she would kill me with her bare hands. I'm not supposed to show weakness, I'm not supposed to be afraid, but I was then and I am now. Ruby is tough. She knows how to survive.
I open my eyes and give my wife a look. She is stone-faced, callous even. I don't know how twin sisters could end up being so different, but I don't dwell on it. I let my hate for the woman at my side settle and burn in my chest. I let it consume me until all I can think of is making my life bearable once again. I loathe the man I see in the mirror, but I hate the woman in my bed even more. There is no divorce, no getting out. There is only one way to make this end, and that's by doing exactly what my family expects of me--by getting rid of the
I right my shoulders, straighten my back, and button the jacket of my suit. The motel before me is run down with chipping paint and crumbling plaster. Ruby didn't have to live like this. She had plenty of choices, but she didn't take any of them. I wish she'd just done as she was told to begin with. We could've had our family without me losing my marriage.
"She brought this on herself," I mutter to myself. Not quietly enough, though, and Esmeralda's jaw ticks when she hears it, but she says nothing. I take a look at my wife, the last look of her that I afford myself before I ascend the concrete steps up to Room 201 and become the man my father already thinks I am.
When I'm in front of the door, I stand and wait for my man, Benny, to come up with the key. The motel clerk wasn't hard to shake down. A couple rocks and he was giving her up. Personally, I hate drugs--they turn loyal men into rats--but that's the way the market's going, so the Mancuso organization has to evolve, or we'll get left behind.
Benny makes his way up the stairs. Stomping. He's slamming his feet down on the cement like we got nothing to lose here. This shit gets out of hand, and Benny--as much as I like the guy--might end up in a place his mother will never find him. As much as I'd hate to do it, I'd have to. My father would insist upon it. My wife would drive me crazy until I fixed it. Hell, even my mother would nag me to fucking death until I handled my shit. But Benny isn't thinking about the position he's putting me in. I don't say anything, though. He makes enough noise, pisses Ruby off, and maybe she'll shoot him for me. Only problem is I'd have to shoot her, then, and I'd prefer not to have to do that. What we're doing here is already bad enough.
I'm on autopilot as Benny starts talking to me about how we're going to play this out. We got my driver down by the street, keeping an eye out for trouble. We got one of Benny's soldiers in the office with the day clerk. Ruby has nowhere to run, is likely unarmed, and has three kids with her. She's not as much of a threat as Benny seems to think she is, but I let him keep yapping until he's satisfied we've handled all our shit. I sense Esmeralda about to open her mouth a few times, but a slight shake of my head ensures her silence.
"Open the door, Benedict." I wave an arm at the closed door. Benny takes his time inserting the key and turning the lock. My eyes fall closed, and I give myself this moment. I don't think about the first time I met Ruby or the way she looked at me. I don't indulge in all the memories I shouldn't hold close but do anyway. Instead, I focus on the last time I saw her and the hate that filled her eyes and her words. She promised to destroy me if I took the twins. She said she would kill me with her bare hands. I'm not supposed to show weakness, I'm not supposed to be afraid, but I was then and I am now. Ruby is tough. She knows how to survive.
I open my eyes and give my wife a look. She is stone-faced, callous even. I don't know how twin sisters could end up being so different, but I don't dwell on it. I let my hate for the woman at my side settle and burn in my chest. I let it consume me until all I can think of is making my life bearable once again. I loathe the man I see in the mirror, but I hate the woman in my bed even more. There is no divorce, no getting out. There is only one way to make this end, and that's by doing exactly what my family expects of me--by getting rid of the
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