buddy."
"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," said Goblin. "Apparently two members of your party are deceased. Your husband's okay, though."
"Let me talk to him."
"That can possibly be arranged. First, let me hear Ogre."
"He's unconscious."
"I know. But he snores loud enough to wake the dead. Let me hear it."
"He isn't snoring."
"Now, see, we have a bit of a continuity error here, because Ogre always snores. Therefore, he must be..." Goblin trailed off as he apparently realized exactly what this meant. "...aw, shit."
Troll slammed his fist against one of the shelves. "What the hell is the matter with us today?"
"Shut up," Goblin snapped at him. He spoke into the walkie-talkie. "I want to share some important information with you, Momma Bear. You're not getting out of these woods, I promise you. I don't mean that as a vague threat, I mean you aren't getting out, case closed. But I'll make you a deal of my own. We're at the store where you all stopped not too long ago, and dear Andrew currently has all ten of his fingers. Every five minutes, the number of fingers will be reduced by one. Then we're going to put a gun in his mouth and make him pull the trigger with one of his bloody stumps. So you've got fifty minutes to get yourself over here and save your husband's life. Does that deal work for you?"
"Let me talk to him."
Troll tore off the tape again. One more time, and I was sure the tape would take my lips with it. Goblin held the walkie-talkie to my mouth. I shook my head and refused to speak.
"Say something," Goblin demanded.
I remained silent.
Goblin shrugged, and then kicked me in the leg. I couldn't help but let out a grunt of pain.
"Did that sound like him?" Goblin asked into the walkie-talkie.
"Helen, stay away from here," I said. "They'll kill you. Are the kids okay?"
"Yes, we're still together."
"Don't come anywhere near the store. It's a trap. Get Kyle and Theresa to safety."
"Well, of course it's a trap," Goblin said. "The point was to see if true love would get her to risk her life to save yours. Tell me, Witch, has it been five minutes yet?"
"No, but we can cheat."
"Well, we don't want to cheat. That wouldn't be fair. Instead let's tweak the rules and say the clock started at the beginning of this conversation. Troll, find a pair of wire cutters."
"Don't worry about that, I've got my knife."
Goblin shook his head. "It'll be easier with the wire cutters."
"Why make it easy?"
"Because you won't be cutting off his finger." Goblin looked me in the eye. "He'll be doing it to himself."
" Oooooh , kinky," said Troll, laughing as he walked to the far aisle.
"If you get blood on any tools, you're paying for them," Charlie said. "I mean it."
"Helen, don't come here, no matter what," I said. "Let me talk to the kids!"
"Aw, this is so touching," said Goblin.
"Daddy...?" said Theresa, hesitantly.
"Yes, Theresa, it's Daddy. I love you, sweetheart."
On the other end I heard Theresa burst into tears.
"This is gonna make me sick," said Witch.
"You're right, enough of this sappy crap. Troll, are you going to get those wire cutters or do I have to gnaw his finger off myself?"
"Right here," said Troll, emerging from the aisle, waving a pair of wire cutters still in the package. "Nice and new."
"Who said you could open new merchandise?" Charlie demanded. "This is my store! You people don't get to just help yourselves to whatever you want!"
"Give it a rest, Charlie," said Goblin. "I mean it."
"Hey, we're in my store, and nobody tells me to--"
" Now !"
Troll glanced at the back of the package. "Oh, wait, it says here 'Not For Use On Human Fingers.' Doesn't say anything about toes, though."
Goblin snatched the wire cutters out of his hand. "Grow up. Get his hands free." While Troll used his knife to cut the duct tape binding my hands, Goblin removed the wire cutters from the packaging and held them in front of my face. "Well, Andrew, the clock is ticking, so we'd better get started. Are you
"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," said Goblin. "Apparently two members of your party are deceased. Your husband's okay, though."
"Let me talk to him."
"That can possibly be arranged. First, let me hear Ogre."
"He's unconscious."
"I know. But he snores loud enough to wake the dead. Let me hear it."
"He isn't snoring."
"Now, see, we have a bit of a continuity error here, because Ogre always snores. Therefore, he must be..." Goblin trailed off as he apparently realized exactly what this meant. "...aw, shit."
Troll slammed his fist against one of the shelves. "What the hell is the matter with us today?"
"Shut up," Goblin snapped at him. He spoke into the walkie-talkie. "I want to share some important information with you, Momma Bear. You're not getting out of these woods, I promise you. I don't mean that as a vague threat, I mean you aren't getting out, case closed. But I'll make you a deal of my own. We're at the store where you all stopped not too long ago, and dear Andrew currently has all ten of his fingers. Every five minutes, the number of fingers will be reduced by one. Then we're going to put a gun in his mouth and make him pull the trigger with one of his bloody stumps. So you've got fifty minutes to get yourself over here and save your husband's life. Does that deal work for you?"
"Let me talk to him."
Troll tore off the tape again. One more time, and I was sure the tape would take my lips with it. Goblin held the walkie-talkie to my mouth. I shook my head and refused to speak.
"Say something," Goblin demanded.
I remained silent.
Goblin shrugged, and then kicked me in the leg. I couldn't help but let out a grunt of pain.
"Did that sound like him?" Goblin asked into the walkie-talkie.
"Helen, stay away from here," I said. "They'll kill you. Are the kids okay?"
"Yes, we're still together."
"Don't come anywhere near the store. It's a trap. Get Kyle and Theresa to safety."
"Well, of course it's a trap," Goblin said. "The point was to see if true love would get her to risk her life to save yours. Tell me, Witch, has it been five minutes yet?"
"No, but we can cheat."
"Well, we don't want to cheat. That wouldn't be fair. Instead let's tweak the rules and say the clock started at the beginning of this conversation. Troll, find a pair of wire cutters."
"Don't worry about that, I've got my knife."
Goblin shook his head. "It'll be easier with the wire cutters."
"Why make it easy?"
"Because you won't be cutting off his finger." Goblin looked me in the eye. "He'll be doing it to himself."
" Oooooh , kinky," said Troll, laughing as he walked to the far aisle.
"If you get blood on any tools, you're paying for them," Charlie said. "I mean it."
"Helen, don't come here, no matter what," I said. "Let me talk to the kids!"
"Aw, this is so touching," said Goblin.
"Daddy...?" said Theresa, hesitantly.
"Yes, Theresa, it's Daddy. I love you, sweetheart."
On the other end I heard Theresa burst into tears.
"This is gonna make me sick," said Witch.
"You're right, enough of this sappy crap. Troll, are you going to get those wire cutters or do I have to gnaw his finger off myself?"
"Right here," said Troll, emerging from the aisle, waving a pair of wire cutters still in the package. "Nice and new."
"Who said you could open new merchandise?" Charlie demanded. "This is my store! You people don't get to just help yourselves to whatever you want!"
"Give it a rest, Charlie," said Goblin. "I mean it."
"Hey, we're in my store, and nobody tells me to--"
" Now !"
Troll glanced at the back of the package. "Oh, wait, it says here 'Not For Use On Human Fingers.' Doesn't say anything about toes, though."
Goblin snatched the wire cutters out of his hand. "Grow up. Get his hands free." While Troll used his knife to cut the duct tape binding my hands, Goblin removed the wire cutters from the packaging and held them in front of my face. "Well, Andrew, the clock is ticking, so we'd better get started. Are you
Similar Books
