saath kuch aisa, jaisa nadiya ka kinaaro se ho
Hmmm … laaa laaa la laa, laaa laaa la laaa …’
I stopped. But, surprisingly, the dogs continued.
Simar kept looking at me.
‘
Bas itna hi tha
,’ I said smiling.
She didn’t laugh. She came closer to me and held my face in her hands. I could see her eyes were wet.
She kissed my forehead.
The dogs continued their cacophony in the background.
‘There is something that is left,’ I said.
She wasn’t in a state to talk and could only raise her chin in question. I could see that she could no longer control her tears which were now making their own way down her cheeks. I watched her in silence and even allowed her to cry. She probably wanted to say sorry for the other day but wasn’t able to express her apology. Her tears seemed to transform into vapours of divine happiness somewhere in the air between her and me.
I went ahead to say, ‘You have given a new life to me. I had been in love in the past. This now seems like déjà vu. I don’t know how this is happening. I don’t know if this is the right thing to happen or not. But I am sure this is happening … Looking back at my life, I realize that I had accepted the fact that I could cherish my share of love only in the memories from my past. I never wanted to lose those memories and I still don’t want to lose them. This is the very reason I thought I could never and I would never be in love again. But it’s all different now. On the one hand, I am still holding those memories close to my heart and willing to accept that it was my past; and on the other hand, I am willing to shape up my future. And to shape up my future it is not essential that I forget my past. Memories will still be there. Things are changing now. Yes, they are. Honestly, I didn’t yearn for this metamorphosis. But now that it is happening, I am finding myself slipping into this pool of love again. In the initial days I couldn’t believe it. I have struggled with myself to believe it, to feel it, to accept it, to digest it and finally live it. But now that I am so sure I want to say this to you …’ I paused before continuing again, ‘… I am in love with you. Yes, I am. And I am so sure about it that I want to propose to you … Will you be mine?’
She continued looking at me with rapt attention. Her eyelashes were still damp. She nodded her head slightly, showing her acceptance, and closed her eyes. Her body language seemed to say that she too was sure of what she was promising and that she didn’t need to think about something so obvious. In a sudden gush of tears she hugged me. We held each other in that magical space filled with those vapours of divine happiness and we now breathed in that magical air.
‘I will be,’ she whispered in my ears.
I kept hugging her for a while.
Some more time had passed—I don’t know how much, but the dogs were quiet now.
She said it was the best birthday she’d ever had. We drove back.
Story of the fight we had the other day:
‘Ravz, cancel it then. I don’t care!’ Simar says, sitting with one leg draped over the other, her right foot suspended above the ground and shaking purposefully. Every time she sits like this, she keeps shaking her free foot. With her arms across her chest she continues to look away from me. She is furious.
We had planned an outing for this evening but all of a sudden I have this urgent conference call with my offshore team at the same time.
‘Why would you care, baby? It is my meeting, na? And I’ll be held responsible for not conducting it.’ Saying this, I smile. And I continue to look at her.
I had just supplied fuel and oxygen to the fire in my room.
‘Ravz, don’t you dare laugh, okay!’ She turns and looks at me only to scare me with her big eyes and her raised finger.
Once a month, only for a few days, my charming sweetheart transforms into a furious avatar. Biology offers a decent biological name for these days—menstrual days. I had
Hmmm … laaa laaa la laa, laaa laaa la laaa …’
I stopped. But, surprisingly, the dogs continued.
Simar kept looking at me.
‘
Bas itna hi tha
,’ I said smiling.
She didn’t laugh. She came closer to me and held my face in her hands. I could see her eyes were wet.
She kissed my forehead.
The dogs continued their cacophony in the background.
‘There is something that is left,’ I said.
She wasn’t in a state to talk and could only raise her chin in question. I could see that she could no longer control her tears which were now making their own way down her cheeks. I watched her in silence and even allowed her to cry. She probably wanted to say sorry for the other day but wasn’t able to express her apology. Her tears seemed to transform into vapours of divine happiness somewhere in the air between her and me.
I went ahead to say, ‘You have given a new life to me. I had been in love in the past. This now seems like déjà vu. I don’t know how this is happening. I don’t know if this is the right thing to happen or not. But I am sure this is happening … Looking back at my life, I realize that I had accepted the fact that I could cherish my share of love only in the memories from my past. I never wanted to lose those memories and I still don’t want to lose them. This is the very reason I thought I could never and I would never be in love again. But it’s all different now. On the one hand, I am still holding those memories close to my heart and willing to accept that it was my past; and on the other hand, I am willing to shape up my future. And to shape up my future it is not essential that I forget my past. Memories will still be there. Things are changing now. Yes, they are. Honestly, I didn’t yearn for this metamorphosis. But now that it is happening, I am finding myself slipping into this pool of love again. In the initial days I couldn’t believe it. I have struggled with myself to believe it, to feel it, to accept it, to digest it and finally live it. But now that I am so sure I want to say this to you …’ I paused before continuing again, ‘… I am in love with you. Yes, I am. And I am so sure about it that I want to propose to you … Will you be mine?’
She continued looking at me with rapt attention. Her eyelashes were still damp. She nodded her head slightly, showing her acceptance, and closed her eyes. Her body language seemed to say that she too was sure of what she was promising and that she didn’t need to think about something so obvious. In a sudden gush of tears she hugged me. We held each other in that magical space filled with those vapours of divine happiness and we now breathed in that magical air.
‘I will be,’ she whispered in my ears.
I kept hugging her for a while.
Some more time had passed—I don’t know how much, but the dogs were quiet now.
She said it was the best birthday she’d ever had. We drove back.
Story of the fight we had the other day:
‘Ravz, cancel it then. I don’t care!’ Simar says, sitting with one leg draped over the other, her right foot suspended above the ground and shaking purposefully. Every time she sits like this, she keeps shaking her free foot. With her arms across her chest she continues to look away from me. She is furious.
We had planned an outing for this evening but all of a sudden I have this urgent conference call with my offshore team at the same time.
‘Why would you care, baby? It is my meeting, na? And I’ll be held responsible for not conducting it.’ Saying this, I smile. And I continue to look at her.
I had just supplied fuel and oxygen to the fire in my room.
‘Ravz, don’t you dare laugh, okay!’ She turns and looks at me only to scare me with her big eyes and her raised finger.
Once a month, only for a few days, my charming sweetheart transforms into a furious avatar. Biology offers a decent biological name for these days—menstrual days. I had
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