away with
that.’
‘Yeah, tell her off,’ Lucy’s younger sister adds.
They stare at me, waiting, and I can feel my cheeks getting hotter and hotter, and then Fraser arrives. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Holly’s sister was just completely rude to me and she’s just let her get away with it,’ Cam says indignantly. ‘I didn’t do a thing and it’s so out of
order.’ Her eyes start to fill up and I could slap her face for that, the faker. She’s not that upset at all, just going for the sympathy vote because she doesn’t like me.
Fraser frowns at me but says nothing . . . yet. I sense there’s a ‘yet’.
‘Katie’s autistic.’ I hate saying that in front of my sister. She knows of course, but to say it in front of her feels wrong, like I’m saying
she’s
wrong for
being that way.
‘Oh,’ Cam says, looking at Katie like she’s something in a Victorian freak show. The others change the way they look at her too, including Fraser.
I swallow hard. ‘She doesn’t understand why she shouldn’t say things like that.’ I could have told her off to mollify them, but I would never do that to Katie. She gets
so upset if you’re cross with her and she doesn’t understand why.
Cam shrugs. She clearly doesn’t believe me. ‘Yeah, well, whatever, I have to go now. Bye.’ She turns and walks off. The others mutter a goodbye and follow her off up the field.
I wonder where they’re going. Once again, I haven’t been invited to hang out with them after school.
Fraser turns and watches them. ‘I should go too . . . er . . .’
‘Yeah, see you at school.’ I get it in quickly and breezily before he can come up with some pathetic excuse why he doesn’t want to be with me now.
If we are together, this is the weirdest together I’ve ever known.
‘Text you later.’ He flashes me his melting grin, but it doesn’t turn me to goo this time.
I smile and turn away and walk Katie over to the swings. After I make sure she’s settled in the middle of the seat, I look back. Fraser’s jogging up the field after Cam and Crew
who’ve disappeared from sight down one of the back lanes.
Am I ever going to fit in here?
Then again, I don’t want to fit in with people who look at my sister the way they did. I watch Katie’s face as I make the swing fly – she’s so innocent of all the
complications that make the rest of us shitty people sometimes. How can anyone look down on her for that? Sometimes I don’t understand people at all.
When I’m lying in bed later that night, I think about how Cam and the others looked at Katie again, and then I remember how Katya looked at her the first time we met her.
Because it’s different. So very different.
Katya. Who’s ruined my life.
But I can’t hate her for that, because hers has been ruined worse.
I’d got up early to go for a swim on the beach, but just as I was about to leave the cottage, Katie appeared on the stairs fully dressed and grinning. ‘Me too,
Boo-Boo.’
I shushed her with a finger on my lips. ‘Don’t wake Mum and Dad. They’re having a lie-in. OK, but you have to promise to sit nicely on the beach while I swim and then
I’ll take you for a paddle.’ She wasn’t a good enough swimmer to go more than knee-deep in the sea yet.
She made a silent squeal of joy at me and ran to get her costume.
Ten minutes later, we picked our way down the steep cliff path, my hand holding tightly to hers in case she stumbled. The sound of sea swooshing on sand as we descended gave me such a rush
– there was something magical about it, especially in the early morning light. In the same way that there was magic in the air at Christmas when the streets were lit up with stars, and shop
windows were full of glitter and tinsel. The way that makes your blood fizz with excitement at how amazing it is to be alive in that moment.
I got Katie to sit on a rock where I could see her and I slipped into the cold sea, shivering and teeth chattering at
that.’
‘Yeah, tell her off,’ Lucy’s younger sister adds.
They stare at me, waiting, and I can feel my cheeks getting hotter and hotter, and then Fraser arrives. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Holly’s sister was just completely rude to me and she’s just let her get away with it,’ Cam says indignantly. ‘I didn’t do a thing and it’s so out of
order.’ Her eyes start to fill up and I could slap her face for that, the faker. She’s not that upset at all, just going for the sympathy vote because she doesn’t like me.
Fraser frowns at me but says nothing . . . yet. I sense there’s a ‘yet’.
‘Katie’s autistic.’ I hate saying that in front of my sister. She knows of course, but to say it in front of her feels wrong, like I’m saying
she’s
wrong for
being that way.
‘Oh,’ Cam says, looking at Katie like she’s something in a Victorian freak show. The others change the way they look at her too, including Fraser.
I swallow hard. ‘She doesn’t understand why she shouldn’t say things like that.’ I could have told her off to mollify them, but I would never do that to Katie. She gets
so upset if you’re cross with her and she doesn’t understand why.
Cam shrugs. She clearly doesn’t believe me. ‘Yeah, well, whatever, I have to go now. Bye.’ She turns and walks off. The others mutter a goodbye and follow her off up the field.
I wonder where they’re going. Once again, I haven’t been invited to hang out with them after school.
Fraser turns and watches them. ‘I should go too . . . er . . .’
‘Yeah, see you at school.’ I get it in quickly and breezily before he can come up with some pathetic excuse why he doesn’t want to be with me now.
If we are together, this is the weirdest together I’ve ever known.
‘Text you later.’ He flashes me his melting grin, but it doesn’t turn me to goo this time.
I smile and turn away and walk Katie over to the swings. After I make sure she’s settled in the middle of the seat, I look back. Fraser’s jogging up the field after Cam and Crew
who’ve disappeared from sight down one of the back lanes.
Am I ever going to fit in here?
Then again, I don’t want to fit in with people who look at my sister the way they did. I watch Katie’s face as I make the swing fly – she’s so innocent of all the
complications that make the rest of us shitty people sometimes. How can anyone look down on her for that? Sometimes I don’t understand people at all.
When I’m lying in bed later that night, I think about how Cam and the others looked at Katie again, and then I remember how Katya looked at her the first time we met her.
Because it’s different. So very different.
Katya. Who’s ruined my life.
But I can’t hate her for that, because hers has been ruined worse.
I’d got up early to go for a swim on the beach, but just as I was about to leave the cottage, Katie appeared on the stairs fully dressed and grinning. ‘Me too,
Boo-Boo.’
I shushed her with a finger on my lips. ‘Don’t wake Mum and Dad. They’re having a lie-in. OK, but you have to promise to sit nicely on the beach while I swim and then
I’ll take you for a paddle.’ She wasn’t a good enough swimmer to go more than knee-deep in the sea yet.
She made a silent squeal of joy at me and ran to get her costume.
Ten minutes later, we picked our way down the steep cliff path, my hand holding tightly to hers in case she stumbled. The sound of sea swooshing on sand as we descended gave me such a rush
– there was something magical about it, especially in the early morning light. In the same way that there was magic in the air at Christmas when the streets were lit up with stars, and shop
windows were full of glitter and tinsel. The way that makes your blood fizz with excitement at how amazing it is to be alive in that moment.
I got Katie to sit on a rock where I could see her and I slipped into the cold sea, shivering and teeth chattering at
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