doors to the night and refocused. Once, normal life had been as far away to him as the few lights twinkling across the estuary. He swallowed hard. “Without Steve, I’d never dreamed of applying to the SAS. For me, the army was a cheap way of learning a trade. But I found I liked it.… The camaraderie, the professionalism, the structure.” For the first time in his life, he’d had security.
“I assumed you and Steve met at selection.”
“No, six months before. We were in separate units brought in to make up numbers for an SAS training exercise.” He cleared his throat. This was getting hard again. “The pair of us had been captured, trussed up and tossed in the back of a truck. As we were jolting to base, your husband said, ‘I’m going to be SAS one day.’” Nate desperately wanted to stop, but Claire was captured now, leaning forward with a riveted expression.
“Of course, I said not to talk crazy,” Nate continued. “SAS troopers were gods, we were mere foot soldiers. Steve said, ‘You’re just afraid of failing.’ That pissed me off. I pointed out that I stood more chance of success than he did, I was a better tracker, a better shot.… One of my foster dads was a keen hunter. ‘The next selection’s in six months,’ he said. ‘My troopmate Ross’s old neighbor is ex-SAS. He says he’ll give us a training program.’”
“And you all passed.”
Nate shook his head. “The golden boy failed. Lee reapplied next intake, alongside Dan. By then we could tell them that selection was a walk in the park compared to the training cycle.” It killed him reliving these poignant memories, but he forced himself to continue. “I didn’t have the habit of study and Steve’s extra tutorials were the only thing that got me through.”
“Steve always said he’d have failed if you hadn’t sorted out his fear of heights on his initial parachute jump.” She added curiously, “What did you do?”
A reluctant smile broke through. “A simple technique, heavily reliant on the element of surprise.”
She studied his grin, then comprehension dawned. “You pushed him?”
“I had help. Ross distracted the instructor.”
“That’s terrible!” But she was trying not to laugh. Every smile Nate won was a victory for Steve. “What did my husband do after you landed? Hit you?”
“Hell, no… I had to duck a kiss, he was so grateful. Steve would have been kicked off the course if he hadn’t jumped and returned to the regulars.” And he’d still be alive.
He stood, unable to sit still. But there was nowhere to go. He put the report on the table.
“So you cured his acrophobia,” Claire marveled. She hadn’t made a similar connection.
Nate forced himself to sit down again. “Let’s just say his fear of heights paled in comparison to his fear of being pushed.”
He waited until she’d stopped laughing before he added gruffly, “The army gave me an education, but Steve gave me a role model. When I met him, I only knew who I didn’t want to be. Suddenly I was around men who’d learned how to govern their tempers, who had principles and goals. Who saw honor as a way of life and not something you won on a battlefield.”
The knife in his gut turned sharply, eviscerating him from the inside out. He’d thought he’d become one of them. “Drink?” Nate bought himself a recovery minute by going into the kitchen.
“Thanks.”
Tough it out, he told himself as he filled the kettle, she needs this. “Seeing how you and Steve treated each other, I started seeing relationships differently.” He barely registered what he was saying now, random thoughts spilling into words while he struggled for composure.
Hand trembling slightly, he flicked the outlet switch. “I started wanting more than one-night stands.” Returning to the living room, Nate resettled on the couch, well away from the overhead light above the dining table. “But making a relationship work didn’t come naturally.”
“Bree
“I assumed you and Steve met at selection.”
“No, six months before. We were in separate units brought in to make up numbers for an SAS training exercise.” He cleared his throat. This was getting hard again. “The pair of us had been captured, trussed up and tossed in the back of a truck. As we were jolting to base, your husband said, ‘I’m going to be SAS one day.’” Nate desperately wanted to stop, but Claire was captured now, leaning forward with a riveted expression.
“Of course, I said not to talk crazy,” Nate continued. “SAS troopers were gods, we were mere foot soldiers. Steve said, ‘You’re just afraid of failing.’ That pissed me off. I pointed out that I stood more chance of success than he did, I was a better tracker, a better shot.… One of my foster dads was a keen hunter. ‘The next selection’s in six months,’ he said. ‘My troopmate Ross’s old neighbor is ex-SAS. He says he’ll give us a training program.’”
“And you all passed.”
Nate shook his head. “The golden boy failed. Lee reapplied next intake, alongside Dan. By then we could tell them that selection was a walk in the park compared to the training cycle.” It killed him reliving these poignant memories, but he forced himself to continue. “I didn’t have the habit of study and Steve’s extra tutorials were the only thing that got me through.”
“Steve always said he’d have failed if you hadn’t sorted out his fear of heights on his initial parachute jump.” She added curiously, “What did you do?”
A reluctant smile broke through. “A simple technique, heavily reliant on the element of surprise.”
She studied his grin, then comprehension dawned. “You pushed him?”
“I had help. Ross distracted the instructor.”
“That’s terrible!” But she was trying not to laugh. Every smile Nate won was a victory for Steve. “What did my husband do after you landed? Hit you?”
“Hell, no… I had to duck a kiss, he was so grateful. Steve would have been kicked off the course if he hadn’t jumped and returned to the regulars.” And he’d still be alive.
He stood, unable to sit still. But there was nowhere to go. He put the report on the table.
“So you cured his acrophobia,” Claire marveled. She hadn’t made a similar connection.
Nate forced himself to sit down again. “Let’s just say his fear of heights paled in comparison to his fear of being pushed.”
He waited until she’d stopped laughing before he added gruffly, “The army gave me an education, but Steve gave me a role model. When I met him, I only knew who I didn’t want to be. Suddenly I was around men who’d learned how to govern their tempers, who had principles and goals. Who saw honor as a way of life and not something you won on a battlefield.”
The knife in his gut turned sharply, eviscerating him from the inside out. He’d thought he’d become one of them. “Drink?” Nate bought himself a recovery minute by going into the kitchen.
“Thanks.”
Tough it out, he told himself as he filled the kettle, she needs this. “Seeing how you and Steve treated each other, I started seeing relationships differently.” He barely registered what he was saying now, random thoughts spilling into words while he struggled for composure.
Hand trembling slightly, he flicked the outlet switch. “I started wanting more than one-night stands.” Returning to the living room, Nate resettled on the couch, well away from the overhead light above the dining table. “But making a relationship work didn’t come naturally.”
“Bree
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