with the low buzz of voices. We get in line and I force myself to buy food I know I can’t eat just to keep my happy act going. We pay the cashier and find a table in the middle of the hubbub. “When’s your mom coming?” I ask as we settle down.
“Nine-fifteen,” Melody says.
It’s eight-thirty now. Stu seems awfully quiet, and I’m wondering if he’s self-conscious around me. I hope not. My feelings for him have taken a backseat to the baby and the prospect of giving her up. I’m pushing a piece of waffle into my mouth when I notice that Melody and Stu have stopped talking and are watching me. “What?” I say. “Did I dribble syrup?”
They’re sitting across from me, their shoulders touching. I look from one to the other.
Melody clears her throat. “I…um…we have something to tell you.”
I see their expressions. Both look nervous. My heart begins to thud with a kind of dread. Whatever’s going on is going to slam me, and I know it. I set down my fork, wait for the hammer that’s about to fall. “Tell me.”
Melody glances at Stu, reaches over and laces her fingers through his. “We—Stu and I are…going out.”
Her admission hangs in the air between us.
Going out.
A way to announce they are dating exclusively. That they’re boyfriend-girlfriend. A couple. Together. More than just friends. I bounce my gaze from face to face. This isn’t a joke. “How long?” I ask, and hope I sound curious, not devastated.
“A while,” Melody says, biting her lower lip. “Since the summer.”
Pictures flash in my mind like a deck of cards being shuffled. I see Melody and Stu at the pool, their towels inches apart…rubbing suntan lotion on each other…the looks they gave each other at the tree sale…their constant togetherness. I remember Halloween, and the way they were both “busy,” and I’m certain now that they had been busy with each other.
How could I have been so stupid as not to catch on before now?
I can’t look at Stu, so I concentrate on Melody. “Why did you wait until now to tell me?”
“There was never a good time. With all that was happening to you…well, we just didn’t know how.”
“Or when,” Stu adds. His face has gone blank.
They’re asking me to make their confession acceptable. To give them my blessing. Our threesome is breaking up—them the Dynamic Duo, me the Lone Ranger.
“Please say something.” Melody looks pale and scared. “You’re my best friend, Susanna.”
I understand scared. I know scared. “It isn’t a crime to fall in love,” I finally say.
“Really?” Hope crosses Melody’s face.
I think,
Bree said she was in love with Jerry.
“Then it’s okay?” Melody asks. “You’re not mad at us?”
“Not mad.” I’m sad. Horribly sad, but I can’t tell her that. Something is passing away, like autumn leaves blown from trees by the winds of change. I stand. “I need to get back upstairs. I need to feed Bree’s baby. She’s probably awake now. And hungry.”
“Can we talk later?”
“Call me.”
“But we’re still friends?” Melody looks skeptical.
Did she think I’d explode and dump on her? I know what she wants me to say, and I know what I must tell her. In a steady voice, I say, “We’ll always be friends.”
I go to the lobby, but don’t take the elevator. Instead I take the stairs, run up the stairwell until my legs throb and my lungs feel fiery and ready to burst. But I run up all eleven flights without stopping.
I n the stairwell, I sag against the wall and wait to catch my breath. My calf muscles are screaming from the exertion, but all I can think about are my two best friends changing the rules and becoming boyfriend-girlfriend. I want to feel angry. I want to hate them for liking each other behind my back. Yet if I’d had my way, if Stu had fallen for me, wouldn’t it be Melody who would be left out in the cold? I think about her heart hurting the way mine is and realize I don’t want her to feel this
“Nine-fifteen,” Melody says.
It’s eight-thirty now. Stu seems awfully quiet, and I’m wondering if he’s self-conscious around me. I hope not. My feelings for him have taken a backseat to the baby and the prospect of giving her up. I’m pushing a piece of waffle into my mouth when I notice that Melody and Stu have stopped talking and are watching me. “What?” I say. “Did I dribble syrup?”
They’re sitting across from me, their shoulders touching. I look from one to the other.
Melody clears her throat. “I…um…we have something to tell you.”
I see their expressions. Both look nervous. My heart begins to thud with a kind of dread. Whatever’s going on is going to slam me, and I know it. I set down my fork, wait for the hammer that’s about to fall. “Tell me.”
Melody glances at Stu, reaches over and laces her fingers through his. “We—Stu and I are…going out.”
Her admission hangs in the air between us.
Going out.
A way to announce they are dating exclusively. That they’re boyfriend-girlfriend. A couple. Together. More than just friends. I bounce my gaze from face to face. This isn’t a joke. “How long?” I ask, and hope I sound curious, not devastated.
“A while,” Melody says, biting her lower lip. “Since the summer.”
Pictures flash in my mind like a deck of cards being shuffled. I see Melody and Stu at the pool, their towels inches apart…rubbing suntan lotion on each other…the looks they gave each other at the tree sale…their constant togetherness. I remember Halloween, and the way they were both “busy,” and I’m certain now that they had been busy with each other.
How could I have been so stupid as not to catch on before now?
I can’t look at Stu, so I concentrate on Melody. “Why did you wait until now to tell me?”
“There was never a good time. With all that was happening to you…well, we just didn’t know how.”
“Or when,” Stu adds. His face has gone blank.
They’re asking me to make their confession acceptable. To give them my blessing. Our threesome is breaking up—them the Dynamic Duo, me the Lone Ranger.
“Please say something.” Melody looks pale and scared. “You’re my best friend, Susanna.”
I understand scared. I know scared. “It isn’t a crime to fall in love,” I finally say.
“Really?” Hope crosses Melody’s face.
I think,
Bree said she was in love with Jerry.
“Then it’s okay?” Melody asks. “You’re not mad at us?”
“Not mad.” I’m sad. Horribly sad, but I can’t tell her that. Something is passing away, like autumn leaves blown from trees by the winds of change. I stand. “I need to get back upstairs. I need to feed Bree’s baby. She’s probably awake now. And hungry.”
“Can we talk later?”
“Call me.”
“But we’re still friends?” Melody looks skeptical.
Did she think I’d explode and dump on her? I know what she wants me to say, and I know what I must tell her. In a steady voice, I say, “We’ll always be friends.”
I go to the lobby, but don’t take the elevator. Instead I take the stairs, run up the stairwell until my legs throb and my lungs feel fiery and ready to burst. But I run up all eleven flights without stopping.
I n the stairwell, I sag against the wall and wait to catch my breath. My calf muscles are screaming from the exertion, but all I can think about are my two best friends changing the rules and becoming boyfriend-girlfriend. I want to feel angry. I want to hate them for liking each other behind my back. Yet if I’d had my way, if Stu had fallen for me, wouldn’t it be Melody who would be left out in the cold? I think about her heart hurting the way mine is and realize I don’t want her to feel this
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